Sister recently said our Stepdad sexually abused her

[Anonymous]

Believe your sister. Cancel the visit. Stepdad is a pedophile. If you choose to not believe it you are responsible when your kids are abused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

Your sister probably has depression and anxiety because of the abuse she suffered and knowing that her own mother willingly abetted it instead of protecting her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids come first. I would believe your sister. Your don't have to give your mom a reason for canceling; I bet somewhere deep inside she will already know why.

Sis probably told her it was happening at the time. That's really common.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Your story is the exact reason I’ve NEVER told anyone in my family about the abuse. Your sister is braver than I am. You suck big time op. Sure, take your kids and leave them with stepdad. See if they end up with depression and anxiety and cut you off for 10 years. Seems worth the gamble.

[Anonymous]

Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

I wouldn’t automatically believe your sister. I would still go and watch carefully.

[Anonymous]

I’m so incredibly sad for your sister. She had the courage to tell you and you aren’t sure you believe her? It perfectly explains her depression and anxiety and estrangement from your mother and stepfather.

My DD was molested by a close family member at a family gathering. It happened literally right under our noses. DD is now in therapy many years later suffering from PTSD and we feel like shit parents for not protecting her. I wouldn’t risk being around them and under no circumstances would I let your kids EVER have a sleepover with your mother and stepfather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

Op here. This just happened, I have not discussed with my wife yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

Op here. This just happened, I have not discussed with my wife yet.

Op here-should have added that yes I will absolutely discuss with her soon and prior to seeing mom and stepdad again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

Op here. This just happened, I have not discussed with my wife yet.

Op here-should have added that yes I will absolutely discuss with her soon and prior to seeing mom and stepdad again.

Buddy I think your wife is going to tell you the trip is canceled, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

I think you should talk to your sister, thank her for protecting your family knowing it must be very hard for her to tell you. Does your other sibling also have kids? If so they should be told too.

Also please ask your sister if there’s any way you can support her. I think you should tell your mom you know, and that’s why you’re cancelling, but ask your sister for permission first to talk to others about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister recently told me that our stepdad sexually abused her. She did not provide a lot of details, and I didn’t press her. She said it wasn’t rape, but more like groping and touching. She says our mom knew and would help create opportunities for the abuse to happen. My sister said she wanted me to know because I have my own kids now who are around stepdad and mom.

What are my next steps? I have plans this summer to visit my mom and stepdad with my kids. We are planning to rent a cabin together on a lake. It’s already paid for and arranged. Do I cancel?

I am not totally sure I believe my sister. My sister and mom have had a lot of drama over the years. They’ve been estranged for 10 years now. My sister struggles with depression and anxiety but she has a very successful career as a doctor. She’s married and has her own kids who have never met our mother and stepdad.

Do I talk to my mom about this? What about our other sibling?

I wouldn’t automatically believe your sister. I would still go and watch carefully.

Why wouldn’t you? Watch for what??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

Op here. This just happened, I have not discussed with my wife yet.

Op here-should have added that yes I will absolutely discuss with her soon and prior to seeing mom and stepdad again.

You’d better, jackass. You are really something. DO YOU THINK MAYBE THE ABUSE IS THE REASON FOR THE DEPRESSION AND ESTRANGEMENT?

Eff you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you shared this with your wife? I’d love to hear her opinion

Op here. This just happened, I have not discussed with my wife yet.

When you say this just happened do you mean today?

[Anonymous]

Really, your first step is to crowd source on DCUM rather than discuss with your spouse?