Then why would you (a) even consider maintaining a relationship with this pervert and his enabler and (b) bring your kids around them?! This is why sexual abuse continues to flourish. Zero consequences for life-damaging actions. What does your wife say? |
^^Also, why on earth wouldn’t you believe your sister. What the hell would she have to gain by lying about that? |
Cancel the trip and ask your sister how you can help. I would do some research and try something like:
“Thank you so much for confiding in me. I care about you and I feel a little overwhelmed and ill-equipped. I found these three counselors/lawyers/support orgs. Would you like to meet with any of them? I would like to go with you.” You cancel the trip, and if asked you say your sister accused your stepdad and you’re not taking sides, but you’re pausing visits and supporting her because you’re her family and that’s what family does. It’s just your first step - you can see how it shakes out. |
One of my childhood friends was raped by a teenage male babysitter when she was 8. No one believed her. Another childhood friend was molested by her uncle and no one believed her. Another childhood friend was molested by her grandfather and no one believed her. Another childhood friend was raped by a big shot football player in high school, reported it, and had school administrators demand she stay silent/tell her she asked for it. There is NO support system for victims of these crimes. |
Everything you said here makes me believe your sister. You sis and mom have had a lot of drama. She struggles with anxiety and depression. She has never introduced her children to mom and step dad. Please cancel your trip and support your sister. The fact she became a successful doctor is a credit to her. Paid or not cancel the trip and protect your children. |
"I knew he was dangerous but I didn't want to lose my deposit"
Imagine saying that to your kid 10 years from now when they ask why you let them get assaulted. |
Your kids are at risk. Do you think they're safe until they're 13/14? It's amazing you're looking for excuses when your sister endured all this trauma. |
Just let your imagination go wild and think of crazy scenarios where it could happen. I would bet that all of those scenarios have happened before. Kids have been molested at public parks by strangers when their parent was looking at their other kid. |
You should believe your sister. My sister accused my brother of molesting her child and I don’t believe her. The state was on the cusp of removing her child from her care and placing her child with my brother and she didn’t want that to happen. Additionally, she was leaving her child with my brother during the period when the alleged molestation was happening. It’s only in these extreme circumstances when I wouldn’t believe the accuser.
One thing I didn’t take into account is that my brother is sweet and full of love and I could never imagine him hurting a child. Predators rarely seem like predators. It’s often the people you’d least expect. |
Op here. I shouldn’t have mentioned that the trip is paid for. I just meant that there isn’t some easy way to just put it off. We will have to actually cancel the trip is all, and I will have to give a reason to my mom. |
Your kids come first. I would believe your sister. Your don't have to give your mom a reason for canceling; I bet somewhere deep inside she will already know why. |
Sis probably told her it was happening at the time. That's really common. |
There is no river in Africa named “Denial.” |
Even if your stepdad is never alone with your kids, Would immediately cut ties with him based on your sister’s credible accusation. Why wouldn’t you do that? |
And making friendly chitchat all weekend with an abuser. Even if your own children aren't at risk, how can you stomach what he did to your sister?! |