Husband who never wants to do anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

Well, for starters, you are literally holding people’s lives in your hands every time you go to work. A wrong move on your part could cost someone their life. That kinda feels like it would be stressful to deal with. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That’s true of nurses, pilots, police officers. Are they allowed to veg out all weekend and abdicate their parenting responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

Well, for starters, you are literally holding people’s lives in your hands every time you go to work. A wrong move on your part could cost someone their life. That kinda feels like it would be stressful to deal with. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That’s true of nurses, pilots, police officers. Are they allowed to veg out all weekend and abdicate their parenting responsibilities?

He’s not abdicating anything. He disagrees with his wife’s list of optional activities. I think we can all agree nothing OP listed is mandatory for good parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

Well, for starters, you are literally holding people’s lives in your hands every time you go to work. A wrong move on your part could cost someone their life. That kinda feels like it would be stressful to deal with. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That’s true of nurses, pilots, police officers. Are they allowed to veg out all weekend and abdicate their parenting responsibilities?

He’s not abdicating anything. He disagrees with his wife’s list of optional activities. I think we can all agree nothing OP listed is mandatory for good parenting.

He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

… that’s good parenting to you? Wow, how pathetic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

These festivals and holiday events are fun for some but others really don’t enjoy. Just like some people loooove Disney and others find it fake/crowded/overpriced. Some people are just more homebodies. It’s not a virtue to be running around to places all the time. If you enjoy them that’s great, but obviously he doesn’t. Your way isn’t better. The issue is that he isn’t being flexible and compromising to join you sometimes to keep you company because it means a lot to you. He’s not ever going to want to go to these places, but it would be kind and nice if he could sometimes participate in spite of his personal preference to stay home.

I mean, I am naturally lazy and would rather curl up on the couch and watch Netflix, but I take my kids to fall festivals (and for hikes, to the playground etc.) because it is good for them and me to be physically active outdoors. That’s what being a parent is about.

You sound like you have very small children and you have found that for your family these activities burn off energy and give you the right balance. That’s great. Not all families are the same as you. Gasp, many have parents who work weekends or night shifts, or need to help elderly family members etc etc. Not everyone can spend the weekend traipsing through crowded pumpkin patches and hiking with toddlers and feel re-charged to go be a freakin surgeon during the week. It is not bad parenting to spend time at home with your family, dutifully take your kids to activities, etc.

A “freakin surgeon” LOL. Half my family is surgeons, they are not gods and there is no need to deify them. There are plenty of stressful jobs out there. But if you sign up to be a parent then you need to be a parent. Sorry but you will never convince me that a weekend of vegging in front of screens is as good as getting outside. Doesn’t have to be a structured event or festival, can be a hike.

She didn’t say he was a sloth in front of a screen. You assumed that. He could be playing soccer in the backyard with the kids or washing the car in the driveway or shooting hoops. But it sounds like these activities aren’t parenting because they aren’t insta worthy or whatever narrow definition you have of outdoorsy virtue that must take place off the household premises. No one called a surgeon a god. The point was that it is a job that clearly requires sustained focus, and a lack thereof can have high level consequences. It is different than a lot of lower pressure jobs and you know that.

I mean OP literally said he doesn’t want to go anywhere, do anything but sit on the couch and play video games.

Plenty of jobs require sustained focus. Again, I have many loved ones who are surgeons. You probably know very few. It’s one of the most valuable professions in this society, but that’s not an excuse to ignore personal responsibilities. Stop deifying them.

[Anonymous]

^ And btw, if you are into Insta you can get mileage out of any activity, including soccer in the backyard or washing the car. I doubt OP (or any other woman) is so unreasonable as to complain about fall festivals if her DH is really doing that much.

This year I took my kids to a couple of fall festivals with my friends because DH is not into them (the other fathers came). But he does A LOT for the kids otherwise, so I couldn’t care less.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound lonely. I’d be lonely if my spouse never wanted to interact with anyone else outside the house (thinking of outings we do with other families, with whom we all get along). What if you approach it from that angle - what would you change? Think about what you’re truly missing; if it’s not social connection, what is it? Disappointment in who he is?

Also, I’m sorry. My DH loves his video games, but he’ll gladly head out to a fall festival, RennFest, brewery with friends, etc. Those social connections are vital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

Well, for starters, you are literally holding people’s lives in your hands every time you go to work. A wrong move on your part could cost someone their life. That kinda feels like it would be stressful to deal with. 🤷🏽‍♀️

That’s true of nurses, pilots, police officers. Are they allowed to veg out all weekend and abdicate their parenting responsibilities?

He’s not abdicating anything. He disagrees with his wife’s list of optional activities. I think we can all agree nothing OP listed is mandatory for good parenting.

He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

… that’s good parenting to you? Wow, how pathetic

Being unable to spend time with your kids and enjoy them without an endless parade of planned activities is certainly pathetic. And very common. I know many many parents like this. Half of them don't even want to do all of these activities, but when you ask them why they do it then, they answer, "Well, we can't just...STAY HOME ALL DAY!!!??" As if that would be horrific.

[Anonymous]

He really sounds like a bag of donuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He really sounds like a bag of donuts

He made it through med school and surgical residency, so he can't be that lazy. I'm guessing he just doesn't like his wife and kids that much. And his job is exhausting. And maybe his wife, too.

[Anonymous]

OP: While I understand your frustration, your husband is in a high stress position as a surgeon and deserves time at home in order to relax & recharge. He earns a high income & takes your kids to practices and to sports, so he is a good provider and a good father. The issue is that he neglects you in favor of video games.

Do you have a job ? If not, that may help take your mind off of this issue while also making you more interesting to your husband. I hate to write this, but you may just have too much time on your hands.

Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes people want different things in life. Your husband's life revolves around work, taking care of the kids, and recharging at home through TV & video games. Do you ever go together to the kids practices & sports ? What do you do ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: While I understand your frustration, your husband is in a high stress position as a surgeon and deserves time at home in order to relax & recharge. He earns a high income & takes your kids to practices and to sports, so he is a good provider and a good father. The issue is that he neglects you in favor of video games.

Do you have a job ? If not, that may help take your mind off of this issue while also making you more interesting to your husband. I hate to write this, but you may just have too much time on your hands.

Sometimes people grow apart and sometimes people want different things in life. Your husband's life revolves around work, taking care of the kids, and recharging at home through TV & video games. Do you ever go together to the kids practices & sports ? What do you do ?

She obviously doesn't work FT or she would have said so by now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

Do you work? I bet not.

[Anonymous]

How's your sex life, OP? Do you have date nights? A husband/wife connection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

Visiting family is not a vacation!!!

So you take the kids — what happens if you spend the day at home? Does he play video games with the kids? Does he ignore them and you?

I agree with Pp - how is sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

Visiting family is not a vacation!!!

So you take the kids — what happens if you spend the day at home? Does he play video games with the kids? Does he ignore them and you?

I agree with Pp - how is sex life?

Better than yours