Husband who never wants to do anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

These festivals and holiday events are fun for some but others really don’t enjoy. Just like some people loooove Disney and others find it fake/crowded/overpriced. Some people are just more homebodies. It’s not a virtue to be running around to places all the time. If you enjoy them that’s great, but obviously he doesn’t. Your way isn’t better. The issue is that he isn’t being flexible and compromising to join you sometimes to keep you company because it means a lot to you. He’s not ever going to want to go to these places, but it would be kind and nice if he could sometimes participate in spite of his personal preference to stay home.

I mean, I am naturally lazy and would rather curl up on the couch and watch Netflix, but I take my kids to fall festivals (and for hikes, to the playground etc.) because it is good for them and me to be physically active outdoors. That’s what being a parent is about.

You sound like you have very small children and you have found that for your family these activities burn off energy and give you the right balance. That’s great. Not all families are the same as you. Gasp, many have parents who work weekends or night shifts, or need to help elderly family members etc etc. Not everyone can spend the weekend traipsing through crowded pumpkin patches and hiking with toddlers and feel re-charged to go be a freakin surgeon during the week. It is not bad parenting to spend time at home with your family, dutifully take your kids to activities, etc.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like a beta male

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Fall Festivals?? Have you ever met a man??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he like this when you met him or is this a change?

DH is a surgeon so his job is demanding and stressful. He was a resident when we got married and had kids so he was kind of always like this. He would work a lot, study for boards, do research and then help out with the baby.

I also had a busy life, had lots of friends and hung out with Dh so it didn’t bother me as much. We didn’t really share the same interests but I thought we complimented one another well.

Now I purposely don’t make my own plans so we can spend time as a family but Dh just wants to sit around all day.

What is your job? Maybe you could carry the income load and have him take a sabbatical?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

These festivals and holiday events are fun for some but others really don’t enjoy. Just like some people loooove Disney and others find it fake/crowded/overpriced. Some people are just more homebodies. It’s not a virtue to be running around to places all the time. If you enjoy them that’s great, but obviously he doesn’t. Your way isn’t better. The issue is that he isn’t being flexible and compromising to join you sometimes to keep you company because it means a lot to you. He’s not ever going to want to go to these places, but it would be kind and nice if he could sometimes participate in spite of his personal preference to stay home.

I mean, I am naturally lazy and would rather curl up on the couch and watch Netflix, but I take my kids to fall festivals (and for hikes, to the playground etc.) because it is good for them and me to be physically active outdoors. That’s what being a parent is about.

You sound like you have very small children and you have found that for your family these activities burn off energy and give you the right balance. That’s great. Not all families are the same as you. Gasp, many have parents who work weekends or night shifts, or need to help elderly family members etc etc. Not everyone can spend the weekend traipsing through crowded pumpkin patches and hiking with toddlers and feel re-charged to go be a freakin surgeon during the week. It is not bad parenting to spend time at home with your family, dutifully take your kids to activities, etc.

A “freakin surgeon” LOL. Half my family is surgeons, they are not gods and there is no need to deify them. There are plenty of stressful jobs out there. But if you sign up to be a parent then you need to be a parent. Sorry but you will never convince me that a weekend of vegging in front of screens is as good as getting outside. Doesn’t have to be a structured event or festival, can be a hike.

[Anonymous]

^ And unless you are really, really sick, laying on the couch and watching TV will not recharge you for the week. Getting fresh air and physical activity will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

These festivals and holiday events are fun for some but others really don’t enjoy. Just like some people loooove Disney and others find it fake/crowded/overpriced. Some people are just more homebodies. It’s not a virtue to be running around to places all the time. If you enjoy them that’s great, but obviously he doesn’t. Your way isn’t better. The issue is that he isn’t being flexible and compromising to join you sometimes to keep you company because it means a lot to you. He’s not ever going to want to go to these places, but it would be kind and nice if he could sometimes participate in spite of his personal preference to stay home.

I mean, I am naturally lazy and would rather curl up on the couch and watch Netflix, but I take my kids to fall festivals (and for hikes, to the playground etc.) because it is good for them and me to be physically active outdoors. That’s what being a parent is about.

You sound like you have very small children and you have found that for your family these activities burn off energy and give you the right balance. That’s great. Not all families are the same as you. Gasp, many have parents who work weekends or night shifts, or need to help elderly family members etc etc. Not everyone can spend the weekend traipsing through crowded pumpkin patches and hiking with toddlers and feel re-charged to go be a freakin surgeon during the week. It is not bad parenting to spend time at home with your family, dutifully take your kids to activities, etc.

A “freakin surgeon” LOL. Half my family is surgeons, they are not gods and there is no need to deify them. There are plenty of stressful jobs out there. But if you sign up to be a parent then you need to be a parent. Sorry but you will never convince me that a weekend of vegging in front of screens is as good as getting outside. Doesn’t have to be a structured event or festival, can be a hike.

This. Your husband is a loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing OP either does not work, works PT, or works a very low stress job.

You have no idea how draining a high stress job is OP.

Oh shit up clown

Hit a nerve?

[Anonymous]

My husband isn’t a couch potato but has no interest in Instagram family events like fall festivals, holiday lights tours, etc.

But hikes, playgrounds and museums he finds interesting? Sure.

He also doesn’t like eating out with the kids because it’s expensive and they are antsy.

Your husband sounds normal to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t a couch potato but has no interest in Instagram family events like fall festivals, holiday lights tours, etc.

Nailed it. Instagram has come to define family life and women have bought into it much more than men. Taking your kids to festivals (of consumption) isn’t “being a parent.” It’s consuming in a way that society has taught you is virtuous (and screen free!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband isn’t a couch potato but has no interest in Instagram family events like fall festivals, holiday lights tours, etc.

Nailed it. Instagram has come to define family life and women have bought into it much more than men. Taking your kids to festivals (of consumption) isn’t “being a parent.” It’s consuming in a way that society has taught you is virtuous (and screen free!)

It’s sad that Instagram has come to define so much of your life, that you demean activities simply because they are “Instagrammable”. Do you also refuse to decorate the tree and go on vacation because those are Instagrammable moments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

Low standards? My DH is an entrepreneur and is making close a million this year. He is a homebody and doesn’t plan outings. But he willingly joins when I plan. Also when he is home he doesn’t play video games because he is a grown man. Some occasional TV after the kids are in bed. When the kids are awake, either playing with them, getting things done around the house, or working from his home office if there is something urgent.

OP, your DH sounds depressed. He needs medication.

Please an entrepreneur is stressful sure, but nothing like a surgeon etc.

Can you articulate why?

Well, for starters, you are literally holding people’s lives in your hands every time you go to work. A wrong move on your part could cost someone their life. That kinda feels like it would be stressful to deal with. 🤷🏽‍♀️