Husband who never wants to do anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids, OP?

Kids are in elementary. He is good about taking kids to sports, both games and practices. That is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same. What would he do if you said you were going away for a girls weekend?

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same. What would he do if you said you were going away for a girls weekend?

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

what would he do if you said you were going away for a girls weekend?

[Anonymous]

This sounds like my DH and I just made plans and if he came along great, if not, I went alone with the kids.

Now that the kids are older, I just go by myself. Neighbors had a holiday party so I went alone. Everyone else was there with a SO but it was OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same. What would he do if you said you were going away for a girls weekend?

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

what would he do if you said you were going away for a girls weekend?

I have and I do. He has flown in his mother. He took a day off and I’m sure he sat home. He is fine with the kids. He took them to their activities while I was gone and I think they were on screens all weekend.

When he has time off, he often does some unimportant thing around the house or suddenly needs an oil change. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

I’m so sorry OP. My ExH was similar. He was so selfish and l was so unloved. It almost broke me so l divorced him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

So what’s stopping you from telling him about how you’re feeling? About how you didn’t sign up for this as a family. About how you’re wondering if he’s depressed. Why haven’t you had this talk with him? What’s getting in the way?

Waiting for the answer to this.

[Anonymous]

How do you handle? ---- you do things on your own. Everything, if necessary. You build more of a life for yourself and your kids that YOU want. Get going. Make sure you don't use him as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you handle? ---- you do things on your own. Everything, if necessary. You build more of a life for yourself and your kids that YOU want. Get going. Make sure you don't use him as an excuse.

I do. I always do. I don’t know why I’m especially annoyed. I have been dealing with this for a decade.

If I ask 50x, he will go to something but that was before Covid. We went to enchant and busch garden’s Christmas event. He only goes once and never goes again and has no desire to go to anything since Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

Wow. I’d tell him I’m going to take the kids away, like, forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

So what’s stopping you from telling him about how you’re feeling? About how you didn’t sign up for this as a family. About how you’re wondering if he’s depressed. Why haven’t you had this talk with him? What’s getting in the way?

I don’t think he is depressed. He just doesn’t want to do anything he doesn’t want to do anymore including kid outings. There used to be an excuse. Now he doesn’t give an excuse. He doesn’t want to go.

He will say I’m doing a great job with the kids and say how well I’m aging or some BS like that. He says he appreciates me and then just sits on his ass and wants me to bring him food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

So what’s stopping you from telling him about how you’re feeling? About how you didn’t sign up for this as a family. About how you’re wondering if he’s depressed. Why haven’t you had this talk with him? What’s getting in the way?

I don’t think he is depressed. He just doesn’t want to do anything he doesn’t want to do anymore including kid outings. There used to be an excuse. Now he doesn’t give an excuse. He doesn’t want to go.

He will say I’m doing a great job with the kids and say how well I’m aging or some BS like that. He says he appreciates me and then just sits on his ass and wants me to bring him food.

Well, that’s nice. Is he aware that that isn’t how adulthood works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

So what’s stopping you from telling him about how you’re feeling? About how you didn’t sign up for this as a family. About how you’re wondering if he’s depressed. Why haven’t you had this talk with him? What’s getting in the way?

I don’t think he is depressed. He just doesn’t want to do anything he doesn’t want to do anymore including kid outings. There used to be an excuse. Now he doesn’t give an excuse. He doesn’t want to go.

He will say I’m doing a great job with the kids and say how well I’m aging or some BS like that. He says he appreciates me and then just sits on his ass and wants me to bring him food.

You still haven’t answered the question: What’s getting in the way of you telling him how this isn’t working for you, how this isn’t the marriage or family life you want, how you’re unhappy?

[Anonymous]

If he is working 60 hours a week and makes over 500k as a surgeon, then live with it and don’t complain. Think about how many women would love this arrangement. 500k income from spouse and the spouse takes kids to practices and sports. I woukd love it if my wife made 500k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids, OP?

Kids are in elementary. He is good about taking kids to sports, both games and practices. That is it.

Does he make accommodations when you have a work project/priority?