Husband who never wants to do anything

[Anonymous]

DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

[Anonymous]

That’s sad, sorry OP. If his job is really demanding he might just need to veg evenings and weekends. I’ve had periods in my life like that when the job was extra demanding.

Or he might be depressed.

[Anonymous]

Was he like this when you met him or is this a change?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was he like this when you met him or is this a change?

DH is a surgeon so his job is demanding and stressful. He was a resident when we got married and had kids so he was kind of always like this. He would work a lot, study for boards, do research and then help out with the baby.

I also had a busy life, had lots of friends and hung out with Dh so it didn’t bother me as much. We didn’t really share the same interests but I thought we complimented one another well.

Now I purposely don’t make my own plans so we can spend time as a family but Dh just wants to sit around all day.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry you married a guy a demanding job, who takes the kids to their activities, and wants to relax at home during his downtime. We share your bitter disappointment, and our thoughts are with you during these trying times. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was he like this when you met him or is this a change?

DH is a surgeon so his job is demanding and stressful. He was a resident when we got married and had kids so he was kind of always like this. He would work a lot, study for boards, do research and then help out with the baby.

I also had a busy life, had lots of friends and hung out with Dh so it didn’t bother me as much. We didn’t really share the same interests but I thought we complimented one another well.

Now I purposely don’t make my own plans so we can spend time as a family but Dh just wants to sit around all day.

Does he engage with the kids? What about playing games at home and cooking meals together and doing projects? Or is he totally disengaged from everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to him about this? Does he feel like he’d prefer to live alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids, OP?

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids? Unless you think he would mistreat them I would curve the issue sometimes, Make plans for yourself and be gone for a day. Force him to step up.

[Anonymous]

Force the issue, above..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. My husband is the same. Never takes any initiative to plan fun family outings and either refuses to go to anything I plan, or if he does go, it’s very begrudgingly and obvious he’s just “checking the box” and can’t wait to get back home to the couch, TV, and iPad. So no advice, only commiseration. I refuse to sit at home all weekend so I take the kids out by myself and we all have fun together. At this point I feel like it’s DH’s loss.

He didn’t want to go any fall festivals. Now he doesn’t want to do any holiday events either. He definitely does not want to go see some Xmas lights because it is only thanksgiving. Museum? No. Movies? No. Have people over? No. Everything is just a no. I guess I will put up the tree today. He will help reluctantly. Everything is just so forced.

Do you spring these ideas on him the morning of? He may have an idea of what he’d like to do. What about having a weekly planning meeting? On Sunday nights, my spouse and I go over the schedule for the week—work schedules, evening meetings, kids schedules, pick ups and events. What about planning ahead?

I ask the day off, the day before, the week before, the month before. It is always the same.

He just told me to take the kids away alone for winter break and spring break. He doesn’t want to go.

So what’s stopping you from telling him about how you’re feeling? About how you didn’t sign up for this as a family. About how you’re wondering if he’s depressed. Why haven’t you had this talk with him? What’s getting in the way?