Husband who never wants to do anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband is valid in wanting to decompress from a stressful job on the weekend. OP is valid in wanting to do more things as a family. Ideally they should both compromise because that is what happens in relationships and families...I don't think there are many families where everyone agrees all the time on what to do.

So what could this look like? Maybe activities as a family 1-2x a month. Maybe start out with simple, low key things like going to a movie. Maybe H comes for a couple of days of a vacation then goes home. OP, if your H isn't even open to going to a movie all together then I would think that depression and/or burnt out-ness could be a factor and you both should talk about how to deal. And ultimately OP you can only control yourself, not others, so you need to decide how to move forward. Good luck.

Why the F do their family activities have to involve GOING somewhere.

Have takeout a family game night. Im sure he’ll participate

.

Thus. Would he be opposed to a family movie night or game night?

Not saying this is OP, but I think some people get caught up in doing Instagram type outings do their can post pictures of their perfect lives

.Do things at home. Save large outings for seasonal stuff and then maybe only one or two not every weekend.

Staying home all the time is a missed opportunity, especially in such a cool area as washington DC.

Plus it doesn't really work well after 3rd grade as the kids want to hang out with their friends more, as they should!

Doesn't answer my question....but all in saying is that there's room for compromise. Staying in and doing family things around the house and going out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what a sad sack of shit you married. How did you find out about this so late

Dh just took kids to play sports. Dh likes to play sports, watch sports and play video games. He also agreed to go out for lunch.

I had to have a mini fit to do this.

He has friends and colleagues who are similar. He said most men don’t want to go see Christmas lights or go to kid activities.

He said he will go away for spring break. Going to a Caribbean resort should not be such a chore.

He’s right. Most men don’t. I don’t particularly enjoy playing Candyland or dolllhouse with my pre-K kid either. We do things for the children we chose to have.

It’s called adulthood and parenting. He should try it sometime.

Does her husband refuse to play with the kids?
Do they ask daddy to play dollhouse or candyland and he blows them off for TV?

Or is it that op believes that they should be engaged in play with the kids every moni they are awake?


It's good healthy even for kids to play by themselves or just with siblings. It's actually important developmentally.

Now if he never interacts with the kids or if they ask him to join the game and he always refuses that's an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband is valid in wanting to decompress from a stressful job on the weekend. OP is valid in wanting to do more things as a family. Ideally they should both compromise because that is what happens in relationships and families...I don't think there are many families where everyone agrees all the time on what to do.

So what could this look like? Maybe activities as a family 1-2x a month. Maybe start out with simple, low key things like going to a movie. Maybe H comes for a couple of days of a vacation then goes home. OP, if your H isn't even open to going to a movie all together then I would think that depression and/or burnt out-ness could be a factor and you both should talk about how to deal. And ultimately OP you can only control yourself, not others, so you need to decide how to move forward. Good luck.

Why the F do their family activities have to involve GOING somewhere.

Have takeout a family game night. Im sure he’ll participate

.

Thus. Would he be opposed to a family movie night or game night?

Not saying this is OP, but I think some people get caught up in doing Instagram type outings do their can post pictures of their perfect lives

.Do things at home. Save large outings for seasonal stuff and then maybe only one or two not every weekend.

Staying home all the time is a missed opportunity, especially in such a cool area as washington DC.

Plus it doesn't really work well after 3rd grade as the kids want to hang out with their friends more, as they should!

Not all kids. Growing up, we kept Friday as movie and pizza night through HS. Had sleepovers or went out with friends Saturday night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband is valid in wanting to decompress from a stressful job on the weekend. OP is valid in wanting to do more things as a family. Ideally they should both compromise because that is what happens in relationships and families...I don't think there are many families where everyone agrees all the time on what to do.

So what could this look like? Maybe activities as a family 1-2x a month. Maybe start out with simple, low key things like going to a movie. Maybe H comes for a couple of days of a vacation then goes home. OP, if your H isn't even open to going to a movie all together then I would think that depression and/or burnt out-ness could be a factor and you both should talk about how to deal. And ultimately OP you can only control yourself, not others, so you need to decide how to move forward. Good luck.

Why the F do their family activities have to involve GOING somewhere.

Have takeout a family game night. Im sure he’ll participate

.

Thus. Would he be opposed to a family movie night or game night?

Not saying this is OP, but I think some people get caught up in doing Instagram type outings do their can post pictures of their perfect lives

.Do things at home. Save large outings for seasonal stuff and then maybe only one or two not every weekend.

Staying home all the time is a missed opportunity, especially in such a cool area as washington DC.

Plus it doesn't really work well after 3rd grade as the kids want to hang out with their friends more, as they should!

Not all kids. Growing up, we kept Friday as movie and pizza night through HS. Had sleepovers or went out with friends Saturday night

This sounds lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband is valid in wanting to decompress from a stressful job on the weekend. OP is valid in wanting to do more things as a family. Ideally they should both compromise because that is what happens in relationships and families...I don't think there are many families where everyone agrees all the time on what to do.

So what could this look like? Maybe activities as a family 1-2x a month. Maybe start out with simple, low key things like going to a movie. Maybe H comes for a couple of days of a vacation then goes home. OP, if your H isn't even open to going to a movie all together then I would think that depression and/or burnt out-ness could be a factor and you both should talk about how to deal. And ultimately OP you can only control yourself, not others, so you need to decide how to move forward. Good luck.

Why the F do their family activities have to involve GOING somewhere.

Have takeout a family game night. Im sure he’ll participate

.

Thus. Would he be opposed to a family movie night or game night?

Not saying this is OP, but I think some people get caught up in doing Instagram type outings do their can post pictures of their perfect lives

.Do things at home. Save large outings for seasonal stuff and then maybe only one or two not every weekend.

Staying home all the time is a missed opportunity, especially in such a cool area as washington DC.

Plus it doesn't really work well after 3rd grade as the kids want to hang out with their friends more, as they should!

So you disregard your DH preference for family activities b/c DC is so cool?

3rd grade? More like 13. It’s not like EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY night will be a sleepover.

You need a freakin hobby, you are way too spun up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

I would never marry a man that is still playing video games. How depressing. Seriously I’d consider leaving him. He’s never going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

I would never marry a man that is still playing video games. How depressing. Seriously I’d consider leaving him. He’s never going to change.

Easier said than done when OP's husband is the high income.

But I'm starting to wonder if she is a troll because she never came back.

[Anonymous]

My husband I like this. I would say I have the more high energy, demanding in person job where I'm on my feet most of time and he gets to work from home. He does more of the housework during the week since I'm busy. In general I'm just more of a higher energy person though

What works for us is scheduling plans in advance and he knows something is on the calendar and usually we build in some down time before or after. Or I take the older kid and he stays home with the napping two year old. We have both acknowledged that sometimes he doesn't want to do an outing or a family trip but he usually has a good time when we go out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

I would never marry a man that is still playing video games. How depressing. Seriously I’d consider leaving him. He’s never going to change.

Is there a reason why video games are just extra worse than say watching sports while sitting on the couch or golf? I personally think that most sports games are a huge waste of time and are boring and take up hours and I think golf is a huge waste of green space

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband is valid in wanting to decompress from a stressful job on the weekend. OP is valid in wanting to do more things as a family. Ideally they should both compromise because that is what happens in relationships and families...I don't think there are many families where everyone agrees all the time on what to do.

So what could this look like? Maybe activities as a family 1-2x a month. Maybe start out with simple, low key things like going to a movie. Maybe H comes for a couple of days of a vacation then goes home. OP, if your H isn't even open to going to a movie all together then I would think that depression and/or burnt out-ness could be a factor and you both should talk about how to deal. And ultimately OP you can only control yourself, not others, so you need to decide how to move forward. Good luck.

Why the F do their family activities have to involve GOING somewhere.

Have takeout a family game night. Im sure he’ll participate

.

Thus. Would he be opposed to a family movie night or game night?

Not saying this is OP, but I think some people get caught up in doing Instagram type outings do their can post pictures of their perfect lives

.Do things at home. Save large outings for seasonal stuff and then maybe only one or two not every weekend.

Staying home all the time is a missed opportunity, especially in such a cool area as washington DC.

Plus it doesn't really work well after 3rd grade as the kids want to hang out with their friends more, as they should!

So you disregard your DH preference for family activities b/c DC is so cool?

3rd grade? More like 13. It’s not like EVERY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY night will be a sleepover.

You need a freakin hobby, you are way too spun up.

LOL, PP is the example of someone "too spun up". And over a comment on kids hanging out with other kids or enjoying DC stuff.

P.S. No one mentioned sleepovers here whatsoever. those are controversial anyhow, especially for athletes who have games or races the next AM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH never wants to go anywhere. He doesn’t want to go out to eat. He doesn’t want to go on an outing. He just wants to sit on the couch and watch tv and play video games.

He will take kids to activities and sports when scheduled. If not, he doesn’t want to do anything.

Planning a vacation is a chore. He doesn’t want to visit my family. He doesn’t want to visit his family. He doesn’t want to do anything.

Dh does have a demanding job and earns a high income. I feel like I often give him a pass because of his job. With Covid, he has gotten so used to this do nothing lifestyle. It is such a turnoff. When I look at him, I wonder why I am married to this guy.

If you have a low energy or boring spouse, how do you handle?

I usually just take the kids to do something alone and he loves just sitting at home alone. I tried to plan something for today and he got annoyed. I said I may take kids out and he seems happy. He asked if I could bring him food since he doesn’t want to eat out with us. Just typing this makes me feel so disappointed.

I would never marry a man that is still playing video games. How depressing. Seriously I’d consider leaving him. He’s never going to change.

Is there a reason why video games are just extra worse than say watching sports while sitting on the couch or golf? I personally think that most sports games are a huge waste of time and are boring and take up hours and I think golf is a huge waste of green space

NP. I think the issue with video games is they are addictive in a way sports just aren't, be even the video kind. Yeah you could be glued to ESPN forever in theory, but of you're into football you w as txh you specific games.... And once they're over they're over. Maybe you do fantasy football I guess. But still that requires actual thinking. With golf, you're physically going somewhere and it will therefore have a beginning and end. And if watching at home at least there are commercials during which to interact.

With a video game, there often isn't a natural end. It can suck you in for hours and you won't even notice the time or anything around you. There's also a feel of infantility around it that there isn't around other hobbies for whatever reason, but that might be cultural.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he not American OP? Or of a different culture?

I think he is White American. Hint: Addiction to video games, no social life, no engagement with kids. Trifecta of the White DH.

[Anonymous]

We have no children. I make more money than him. I work from home. He comes home and does "reports" although his boss wants him to do the reports on site, he prefers to do them at home. He does not want to do anything. He's a GREAT MAN just does not want to do anything. He played softball EVERY SUNDAY April through Sept for over 15 years. He had practice Tues & Thurs so I did not see him all day Tues, Th & Sunday after he left. The "ballpark" is not a place for ladies but I would go on Father's Day and once or twice. I could not wait for him to stop, but never told him and still encouraged him to go after he stopped because the exercise is good. I thought WOW he really does not want to go so now we can do things together. He does not even like to sit in our yard in the summer. We live in Chicago when it's cold all of the time and we have an AMAZING yard: huge full of flowers, vegetables and plenty of games and music. He used to love to barbecue. Everything is a chore. So...people tell me to go without him. When I've "forced/guilted" him into coming, he's a "wet blanket". So now I want to go by myself and he either finds a way to make me feel like I should not go or he asks "sweetly" do you want a date for the film festival/museum/whatever which is on Sunday during football. Why will he want to impose NOW THAT I HAVE SOMETHING FUN TO DO when he knows he will only muck up my time by wanting to get home early (enough to see the next game) or seek a place while we're out to watch it. Either get with the program or let me do it. I don't know what to do. He works steady, doesn't fool around, is extremely handy around the house. I could not give him any children (failed IVF) and he's never been "engaged" in my life. While he played softball (leisurely) I still made all of the family commitments...mine and his. He would not even go to my family reunions. He could have taken one weekend off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he not American OP? Or of a different culture?

I think he is White American. Hint: Addiction to screens, no social life, no engagement with kids. Trifecta of the White DH.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no children. I make more money than him. I work from home. He comes home and does "reports" although his boss wants him to do the reports on site, he prefers to do them at home. He does not want to do anything. He's a GREAT MAN just does not want to do anything. He played softball EVERY SUNDAY April through Sept for over 15 years. He had practice Tues & Thurs so I did not see him all day Tues, Th & Sunday after he left. The "ballpark" is not a place for ladies but I would go on Father's Day and once or twice. I could not wait for him to stop, but never told him and still encouraged him to go after he stopped because the exercise is good. I thought WOW he really does not want to go so now we can do things together. He does not even like to sit in our yard in the summer. We live in Chicago when it's cold all of the time and we have an AMAZING yard: huge full of flowers, vegetables and plenty of games and music. He used to love to barbecue. Everything is a chore. So...people tell me to go without him. When I've "forced/guilted" him into coming, he's a "wet blanket". So now I want to go by myself and he either finds a way to make me feel like I should not go or he asks "sweetly" do you want a date for the film festival/museum/whatever which is on Sunday during football. Why will he want to impose NOW THAT I HAVE SOMETHING FUN TO DO when he knows he will only muck up my time by wanting to get home early (enough to see the next game) or seek a place while we're out to watch it. Either get with the program or let me do it. I don't know what to do. He works steady, doesn't fool around, is extremely handy around the house. I could not give him any children (failed IVF) and he's never been "engaged" in my life. While he played softball (leisurely) I still made all of the family commitments...mine and his. He would not even go to my family reunions. He could have taken one weekend off.

Why the bump? You don’t have OP’s 2022 homebody husband problem.