I hosted Thanksgiving yesterday and not a single person offered to bring something

[Anonymous]

You hosted, this is what it means to host. Otherwise you tell people you are hosting a potluck. Next time, be more clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

Your dad. Your uncle. Your 2 brothers. See a pattern?

And no one asked about bringing anything (pie, wine, flower arrangement, cheese plate)?

This really goes with the whole "women are stucking doing Thanksgiving" theme that I am seeing on here today. I have to think that your mom, an aunt, and 2 sisters would have all reached out. You have now BTDT. Next year, if you host, assign assign assign.

I'm so dumb, I read that whole other post and replies and didn't even catch the pattern in this one but you are right.

NP here. My guess is that the girlfriends all asked if they should bring something and their boyfriends all reassured them the answer was no, thwt you were happy to do it all.

Even if I was told that as the girlfriend I would still at least bring flowers or wine. I would say no Jack actually you always bring a bottle of wine (with inward concern my 20-something boyfriend has no manners).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where your mom is at in all this but she didn't do a good job raising her sons (your brothers) if that's how they act. How embarrassing.

OMG. You are just blaming a different woman for the crummy behavior of the men in this family! Somehow, it's always, ultimately, a woman's fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hosted, this is what it means to host. Otherwise you tell people you are hosting a potluck. Next time, be more clear.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why would you have Thanksgiving on a day that is not Thanksgiving? Maybe that's why...

[Anonymous]

Welcome to hosting Thanksgiving. Speak up next time if you need help or want people to bring something. If you don’t want to host, then don’t host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You hosted, this is what it means to host. Otherwise you tell people you are hosting a potluck. Next time, be more clear.

+1
I just hosted a huge party yesterday. Over 30 people. A lot of my guests asked me if they could bring something but how can you ask anyone to make one dish for 30 people? No one signs up for that.

It took me several days of prep - shopping, cooking, cleaning the house, washing and setting up serveware, silverware, plates, glasses, bar area etc, and it was exhausting, as hosting usually is.

While Op was celebrating a family holiday and even if she could have made it into a potluck, and everyone contributes a side, the host ends up doing an enormous amount of work. You have to do the cleaning, plan where will people sit, how you will warm food, where you will serve, what you will serve in, where you will hang their clothes etc. You provide the snacks, the drinks, the coffee, the condiments, the main dish etc. In the end, even if they were coming for just drinks or tea, there would be a lot more work for the person who is hosting.

OP, next time, do a buffet style hosting. That way all the water, condiments, napkins, spoons, plates, etc...are right at the buffet table. Do not have a sit down meal if you are having more than 6 people. Use disposable aluminum chafing dishes and so that cleanup and heating is also easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hosted, this is what it means to host. Otherwise you tell people you are hosting a potluck. Next time, be more clear.

+1
I just hosted a huge party yesterday. Over 30 people. A lot of my guests asked me if they could bring something but how can you ask anyone to make one dish for 30 people? No one signs up for that.

It took me several days of prep - shopping, cooking, cleaning the house, washing and setting up serveware, silverware, plates, glasses, bar area etc, and it was exhausting, as hosting usually is.

While Op was celebrating a family holiday and even if she could have made it into a potluck, and everyone contributes a side, the host ends up doing an enormous amount of work. You have to do the cleaning, plan where will people sit, how you will warm food, where you will serve, what you will serve in, where you will hang their clothes etc. You provide the snacks, the drinks, the coffee, the condiments, the main dish etc. In the end, even if they were coming for just drinks or tea, there would be a lot more work for the person who is hosting.

OP, next time, do a buffet style hosting. That way all the water, condiments, napkins, spoons, plates, etc...are right at the buffet table. Do not have a sit down meal if you are having more than 6 people. Use disposable aluminum chafing dishes and so that cleanup and heating is also easy.

* coats not clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where your mom is at in all this but she didn't do a good job raising her sons (your brothers) if that's how they act. How embarrassing.

OMG. You are just blaming a different woman for the crummy behavior of the men in this family! Somehow, it's always, ultimately, a woman's fault.

Well the dad is a lost cause. He was there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where your mom is at in all this but she didn't do a good job raising her sons (your brothers) if that's how they act. How embarrassing.

OMG. You are just blaming a different woman for the crummy behavior of the men in this family! Somehow, it's always, ultimately, a woman's fault.

Well the dad is a lost cause. He was there!

Lol fair enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

People like you are so tiresome. So what? Then don't offer to host. I hate it when people host then expect me to bring something. No. Then don't host. I don't expect my guests to cook and then haul it to my house either. The fact that you have kids is completely irrelevant, you whiny martyr.

You sound insane. This is not a dinner party this is a holiday dinner.

But it’s not Thanksgiving day. I think that makes a difference in how it’s being viewed. This comes across as more holiday party than holiday given the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

Your dad. Your uncle. Your 2 brothers. See a pattern?

And no one asked about bringing anything (pie, wine, flower arrangement, cheese plate)?

This really goes with the whole "women are stucking doing Thanksgiving" theme that I am seeing on here today. I have to think that your mom, an aunt, and 2 sisters would have all reached out. You have now BTDT. Next year, if you host, assign assign assign.

I'm so dumb, I read that whole other post and replies and didn't even catch the pattern in this one but you are right.

NP here. My guess is that the girlfriends all asked if they should bring something and their boyfriends all reassured them the answer was no, thwt you were happy to do it all.

Yup. I bet this is what happened, too.

[Anonymous]

Great that your husband helped clean up but why didn't he help by getting everyone beverages during the meal or bother to get up at least one of the times someone asked for something?

When we host a dinner party, DH pitches in throughout - setting up appetizers, serving drinks, helping to clear plates, etc at a minimum. I do more set up/clean up if he is the one cooking and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Op here. My DH was sitting in the back corner of the dining room boxes in between our kids (intentionally). I guess we figured he'd be on kid duty so I could be on guest/host duty during dinner.

[Anonymous]

In past years I've done it all like this, but it's no fun. This year I sent out a sign up genius asking people up sign up to bring items.