I hosted Thanksgiving yesterday and not a single person offered to bring something

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Candyland bit is just, yikes. The self absorption.

"Guys, you can play Candyland with Larla or take over on cleanup so I can play. What'll it be?"

Pfft. Try "Ok, guys, time to clean up. I'm going to go take a nap - I'm pretty beat. DH, you know where all the cleaning supplies are, right?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I get it. My DH's family has apparently decided that we are now responsible for hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I am pregnant with a toddler this year. Things always go the way yours did and it's especially irritating when you're also trying to parent young children.
At least when my family can attend they help watch the toddler and don't ask me to get them a million things.

This is making me laugh.

[Anonymous]

At 32, you should be mature enough not to be victimized like this, OP.

Please get a backbone for next year. Or refuse to host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Candyland bit is just, yikes. The self absorption.

Honestly that stood out to me more than anything else. That’s what makes it feel like a catering service not a visit from family. When my family is over I don’t mind doing everything (I kind of enjoy it and my kitchen is tiny) but they absolutely are doting on my kids and trying to help in anyway I will let them.

[Anonymous]

Don't host again. Next year ask who's hosting because you took your turn. Or just have dinner with your nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

People like you are so tiresome. So what? Then don't offer to host. I hate it when people host then expect me to bring something. No. Then don't host. I don't expect my guests to cook and then haul it to my house either. The fact that you have kids is completely irrelevant, you whiny martyr.

[Anonymous]

When I offer to host I don’t expect people to bring anything except perhaps a bottle of wine as hostess gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I offer to host I don’t expect people to bring anything except perhaps a bottle of wine as hostess gift.

Good for you? What if no one is willing to host (which by your definition means that person must completely martyr themselves in service to their other household members and guests)? There should be no gathering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, ok I am realizing I had no idea that there are holidays that are not potluck style. Growing up, my mom and aunts each had their designated dish. DH and I have been together since high school (so it's not like I've been to many different families' holidays) and in his family, everyone also brings something.

Thanks for the perspective.

Only insane people make the whole meal themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, ok I am realizing I had no idea that there are holidays that are not potluck style. Growing up, my mom and aunts each had their designated dish. DH and I have been together since high school (so it's not like I've been to many different families' holidays) and in his family, everyone also brings something.

Thanks for the perspective.

I’m confused though, this is the first time you’ve noticed this issue with the family not helping after all these years? Have you never been to any of these relatives houses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

People like you are so tiresome. So what? Then don't offer to host. I hate it when people host then expect me to bring something. No. Then don't host. I don't expect my guests to cook and then haul it to my house either. The fact that you have kids is completely irrelevant, you whiny martyr.

You sound insane. This is not a dinner party this is a holiday dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Candyland bit is just, yikes. The self absorption.

"Guys, you can play Candyland with Larla or take over on cleanup so I can play. What'll it be?"

Pfft. Try "Ok, guys, time to clean up. I'm going to go take a nap - I'm pretty beat. DH, you know where all the cleaning supplies are, right?"

What? No!

You don’t offer to host and then go take a nap. WTH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, I get it. My DH's family has apparently decided that we are now responsible for hosting Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. I am pregnant with a toddler this year. Things always go the way yours did and it's especially irritating when you're also trying to parent young children.
At least when my family can attend they help watch the toddler and don't ask me to get them a million things.

This is making me laugh.

What's so funny? Haven't you ever heard of a woman having a 3 year gestation???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The Candyland bit is just, yikes. The self absorption.

"Guys, you can play Candyland with Larla or take over on cleanup so I can play. What'll it be?"

Pfft. Try "Ok, guys, time to clean up. I'm going to go take a nap - I'm pretty beat. DH, you know where all the cleaning supplies are, right?"

Leave the room and discover they left the minute you went to your room.

[Anonymous]

No one even brought you a bottle of wine? That is so weird.

I do tend to make all the food when I host but people always offer and I say bring some wine. Even if I say bring nothing, people bring wine. That's what you do.

Sorry OP. Be more specific next time I guess. I don't know where your mom is at in all this but she didn't do a good job raising her sons (your brothers) if that's how they act. How embarrassing.