Your mom and aunts? So it’s totally OK for women to host, but men are exempt? And like, that’s the goal you’re holding up as the right way to do a holiday? Snerk. ASK for SPECIFIC help. |
People could have helped clean up, even if there wasn’t a tradition of bringing something. (?) OP, lesson learned. Next year don’t host them! Or else assign people categories of things to bring. Also you can buy some things pre made to make your life easier. |
Sure. But you didn't designate dishes for people. Did you expect them to read your minds? Also, your husband should have helped you, and let others watch the kids. |
I would say that children are the ones who expect other people to be mind-readers and behave how they want, when they want, etc. Magical thinking. Adults communicate. |
Uh, this is one you, OP. You should have said, “I will host if others will bring a side!” Then you do turkey and a side or two you like, and let everyone else bring a side.
No one should be asking you for cinnamon or hot sauce though, that’s just weird and rude. |
I'm so dumb, I read that whole other post and replies and didn't even catch the pattern in this one but you are right. |
OP, that sucks. I wouldn't allow this to deter you from doing so in future, but go into it better prepared with assignments for your brother, your uncle, and dad. Also request that they take turns with Candyland while you and your DH keep on top of the meal, the younger one, etc.
My MIL is very good about reminding everyone, "get your drinks before you sit down." No one dares ask her after that announcement nor should they. My SIL often hosts Thanksgiving. I usually bring items in the dessert/salad range as per her requests. I then stand next to the sink for most of the prep time, sometimes over an evening and Thanksgiving day, and handle that end of the work. I generally enjoy it as most people are in/near the kitchen and it also keeps down the clutter as the meal is served from the adjoining counter. BIL handles the after meal dishes though I make myself available to dry large items. |
OP, you learned. My guess is the older generation (your dad and uncle and their partners) are more than happy to pass the reins. If your brothers grew up seeing your mom and her sisters doing all the cooking, they likely wouldn't expect to contribute.
So, yeah - delegate next time. The good thing about hosting is that you get to decide what you want to ask others to bring! I save my favorites for me to cook, but am more than happy to offload the mashed potatoes or whatever. |
1. Delegate. You need to tell people what to bring
2. Why couldn't your husband go get the cinnamon from the kitchen? You need to make him do more. Stop being such a pushover and then complaining about it. Grow a spine. |
OP - my guess is that your guests were too young and old to realize or remember how much work it takes to host a variety of people. I'm sorry! I would say that next time you should give them all explicit jobs, but then you have to be prepared for the million follow-up questions. |
This... I think it depends on whether people literally are ignorant to all the work it takes to host, or purposely trying to shirk any duties. In the case or my ILs it's the latter. They want to show up and be served because they think they have put in "their time," mind you they never hosted for anyone beyond their own household. So, yes, I could probably stand up for myself more but it's also not always that easy when people don't actually want to help at all. Ask for any food to be brought, etc and it's a million questions and phone calls about a pie. Oh could you keep an eye on the toddler while I throw this in the oven? "Uhhh I think he wants mommy" |
OP, this is a live-and-learn experience. Every family has different traditions, and many families have different traditions that vary with each major holiday. Some people like to do all of the cooking themselves — and may even enjoy not deviating from the menu that they’ve planned. Others do a catered meal, so no one has major cooking responsibilities. As others have said, when you take on the role of hosting the meal, people will be looking to you for guidance. While I think most people would ask if you wanted them to bring something, others might assume that like any other dinner invitation, the details of the meal will be taken care of by the host. So, I hope you got some joy out of this experience! I agree with the suggestions that others have made — that if you’re hosting and actually have a potluck in mine, you not only have to tell people in advance, you’ll have to ask if you want specific dishes or specific types of dishes, and coordinate things so that everyone isn’t bringing the same things. As host, it would be expected that you will do / provide the turkey, or whatever your main course is going to be, but that’s also something for you and your guests to decide amongst yourselves. I hope your future Thanksgiving celebrations are more to your taste. |
I guarantee you this is not how it actually happened. You were simply a kid and not directly involved in all the planning so you're assuming there was no planning. |
"Guys, you can play Candyland with Larla or take over on cleanup so I can play. What'll it be?" |
NP here. My guess is that the girlfriends all asked if they should bring something and their boyfriends all reassured them the answer was no, thwt you were happy to do it all. |