I hosted Thanksgiving yesterday and not a single person offered to bring something

[Anonymous]

I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

[Anonymous]

Wow - that's horrible and your family sounds really terrible. Sorry!! That said, I can't imagine you didn't know they suck before yesterday - you either shouldn't have volunteered to host OR have been very specific about what you need them to contribute.

[Anonymous]

Yes you should have either delegated or done less or said "I'll get my water after I eat" or something, but that is just incredibly rude of everybody. I would absolutely refuse to host again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I (32F) hosted Thanksgiving yesterday for my dad's side of the family and not a single person offered to bring something. I am married and have two small kids ages 4 and 1.

Attendees included:
-My dad and his girlfriend (late 60s)
-My brother and his girlfriend (both 28)
-My other brother and his girlfriend (29/20)
-My uncle and his wife (early 60s)

My DH is great and tried his best to keep the kids entertained while I cooked all day. When everyone say down for the meal, people kept needing really specific things (garlic salt, a pitcher for water, hot sauce, cinnamon) so I'd repeatedly have to get up and go to the kitchen just as I was about to finally take my first bite every time to the point that I felt like it was a joke or an episode of "What Would You Do". At one point, I went in the kitchen to laugh so I didn't cry. Did no one notice I'm the only person of the bunch with small kids AND the only person that did any preparations, cooking, or clean up (DH helped with clean up)? Even when I was trying to clean up, my 4yo was hanging on my legs asking me to play Candyland with her. I finally said "DD, go ask your uncles or Papa to play with you" so she did and they said there was an awkward silence followed by one "maybe later".

I guess I'm just shocked. Maybe I should have delegated and said X can you bring Y, but I felt like the mistreated help and it's still bothering me today.

And what was your husband doing this whole time?

[Anonymous]

I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

[Anonymous]

It’s a learning experience. If you ever host them again, assign something for them each to bring. This is closer family, not some random holiday party. They can all contribute.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine going to someone's home for Thanksgiving and not asking what I can bring so that part is pretty surprising. Now you know. Next time - Signup Genius with the things you want people to bring.

[Anonymous]

Thanksgiving is the most sexist day on the planet. I hate it.

[Anonymous]

Is it usually a potluck for that side of the family? If your brother is usually in charge of mashed potatoes and your aunt usually brings pie but they didn't, I would be confused and bothered (and also serving a very sparse spread because no one brought potatoes or pie).

But if your family works like "whoever hosts does it all" then I don't understand why you volunteered to host when you have the most responsibilities of everyone attending. And there's no reason you can't hang out after and make your husband or brothers clean up.

[Anonymous]

People treat you how you allow them to. Yes, you should have delegated.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't host again. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

[Anonymous]

Op here- it was definitely my first time hosting. We skipped attending thanksgiving the last two years because of COVID and I was pregnant for one year.

My parents divorced when I was a young adult and I guess until then we always a well oiled holiday machine where my mom did the turkey and each aunt had a designated side dish they made every year. There was never really a conversation about it.

Holy cow did I learn my lesson. Looking into sign up genius.

[Anonymous]

You have to delegate if that's what you want. When someone invites me to dinner, I'll ask if I can bring something. If they say no, I assume they mean it. With relatives, you can ask and they shouldn't be offended. When I host, I don't like it when people bring things. I enjoy cooking and planning.

They were rude about the weird requests though. I'd just tell them where to find them and they can help themselves.

[Anonymous]

You delegate sides or say- I'm so glad you are coming! Would you prefer to bring apps or a side?