I hosted Thanksgiving yesterday and not a single person offered to bring something

[Anonymous]

Why didn’t you sit after the meal and tell husband and brothers that since you cooked, they are on cleaning duty?

[Anonymous]

This is awful! My sympathies OP!

Definitely sign up genius. Instead of asking for specific dishes, ask for categories like 4 sides, 2 dessert, 1 appetizer, 1 drinks and they can fill in their names there. As the host if you see that no sides are being brought, then you focus on sides yourself. I don't like assigning dishes to people because what if you assign the baker with a side when they would have made an incredible pie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is the most sexist day on the planet. I hate it.

Speak for yourself. My brother-in-law made our entire extended family TG dinner for over a decade while my sister sat on her a$$ and did nothing. Not every family is like yours.

I really don’t understand posts like this. Are you really not aware that your BIL is the exception, not the rule?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. I know what it's like to be the only person with small kids and feel like you're doing everything and no one cares. I have learned to say something in the email like 'please let me know what dish you are planning to bring'. Also, if the in-laws are traditional (sexist) (like mine) you can give the guys "guy tasks" they aren't offended/flummoxed by like taking out the trash or going on a run to the store

Did they bring wine at least? If not, I sentence them all to Thanksgiving Guest Jail, no possibility of parole until they have provided at least 3 nights of free babysitting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday wasn’t Thanksgiving. That alone is weird.

In any event, if you wanted people to bring stuff you should have said so. That’s on you.

We’re on a family text as we speak finalizing who is bringing what. That’s how sane people plan Thanksgiving. They don’t not say anything to anybody in advance and then complain about it later.

Sane, normal people don't come empty-handed to a holiday dinner. They ask or they just bring a bottle of wine, dessert, chocolate, flowers, something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yesterday wasn’t Thanksgiving. That alone is weird.

In any event, if you wanted people to bring stuff you should have said so. That’s on you.

We’re on a family text as we speak finalizing who is bringing what. That’s how sane people plan Thanksgiving. They don’t not say anything to anybody in advance and then complain about it later.

Sane, normal people don't come empty-handed to a holiday dinner. They ask or they just bring a bottle of wine, dessert, chocolate, flowers, something.

Exactly. I can’t imagine showing up for a gathering of the size and not offering/insisting to bring something. And being an easy guest and if I needed something particular asking where I could go find it not making the host jump up 1 million times. And helping with clean up. I’m embarrassed for these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

No, traditionally guests don't expect to bring much to a party. Here, however, it was your brothers so that might be different. But do you really expect brother's girlfriends to do much? If you host, expect to feed people. If you cannot handle it, don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanksgiving is the most sexist day on the planet. I hate it.

Speak for yourself. My brother-in-law made our entire extended family TG dinner for over a decade while my sister sat on her a$$ and did nothing. Not every family is like yours.

No way. Is your sister married to my brother?

[Anonymous]

I can't believe the people in here who are blaming you.

Who goes to someone's house for dinner and doesn't offer to help clean up at the end, even just as a courtesy?

This new mom with 2 young kids both made the meal AND cleaned up at the end? When she has a perfectly able 28 year old brother with his own hands that work, and also a girlfriend who also has hands, who easily could have done something? SOMETHING?

This is bananas.

I feel less strong about nobody bringing anything, though when we come to relatives I ALWAYS offer to bring something like a week before. I would not just bring something on my own though, for fear of offending the host. I did once bring an unsolicited cake to a gathering and that was dumb dumb dumb because the host had made about 14 pies, and I wound up hiding the cake in the trunk of my car ha.

[Anonymous]

Except wine -- if host doesn't ask for anything, I will generally bring wine unless I know it's a no-wine sort of affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

No, traditionally guests don't expect to bring much to a party. Here, however, it was your brothers so that might be different. But do you really expect brother's girlfriends to do much? If you host, expect to feed people. If you cannot handle it, don't do it.

For a family gathering for a feast, standard party rules don’t apply. Usually people pitch in to divide up the labor and share the expense.

[Anonymous]

If the brother and his girlfriend don't actually have hands, they are excused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, you volunteered to host. Isn’t that what a host does? You didn’t send anything out to request people bring stuff.

Well, what does a guest do? I thought they were expected to at least offer.

No, traditionally guests don't expect to bring much to a party. Here, however, it was your brothers so that might be different. But do you really expect brother's girlfriends to do much? If you host, expect to feed people. If you cannot handle it, don't do it.

I’m not OP. I don’t expect to do much for a party but I always offer to bring something, and if it’s family I offer to bring something specific, like cranberry sauce or whatever.

OP wasn’t perfect in this scenario but I think her family really let her down.

[Anonymous]

I'm just not buying this story. OP is in her 30s and never spent a holiday with any of these people? Or do they all help each other and became sloths when they went to her house? Its a weird story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe the people in here who are blaming you.

Who goes to someone's house for dinner and doesn't offer to help clean up at the end, even just as a courtesy?

This new mom with 2 young kids both made the meal AND cleaned up at the end? When she has a perfectly able 28 year old brother with his own hands that work, and also a girlfriend who also has hands, who easily could have done something? SOMETHING?

This is bananas.

I feel less strong about nobody bringing anything, though when we come to relatives I ALWAYS offer to bring something like a week before. I would not just bring something on my own though, for fear of offending the host. I did once bring an unsolicited cake to a gathering and that was dumb dumb dumb because the host had made about 14 pies, and I wound up hiding the cake in the trunk of my car ha.

Yes I think the worst part is not offering with cleaning or childcare. I’d offer even if I didn’t know the hosts well. In fact I’d probably just try to entertain the kids if I could, rather than offer.