Is is ok for a kid to not date (or interact with) the opposite sex until college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a bad idea.

I too went to an all girls HS and had plenty of "boyfriends" from various schools. But, I didn't have any substantive experience as an adolescent being a PEER in an academic or social setting with boys. It made me a little weird around boys in college. I mean, they liked me just fine, but I was awkward with them and awkward with girlfriends about them. That was a surprise I didn't see coming, and my girlfriends were very compassionate about why I was a little different and talked to me about it (bless them).

You should find ways for your daughter to interact with boys: a pre-college summer camp (you sound as if you have resources, these are expensive), extracurriculars, friends with access to boys, etc...






I went to an all girls high school and when I got to college with boys I found out quickly that they talked over women and thought they were smarter. I don't think I would seek out boys just so she can learn what boys really think of girls.

You would not have allowed them to talk over you if you had gone to HS with them and learned how to deal with that.

Sure, that is how it workd. The majority of girls/ women go to school with men. My dds experience man talking over them the same as I did. Ofcourse you don't blame the men but you blame the women

[Anonymous]

"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I agree that I don't think that the OP is talking about this area. I also think the whole tone of her post is off so I agree that she may be a troll."

I just gave a fairly detailed example of a kid here in the DMV that also doesn't have any interaction with members of the opposite sex, yet you're still not believing that this could happen here locally? What's the shibboleth to prove that I really am from here, as is this kid? Don't drive to work on the Friday when the National Christmas tree is lit or you'll be stuck in traffic till 8pm? The Silver Line is finally finished but most of us will still do everything possible to avoid flying out of Dulles? We call it National and not Reagan?

You have to do Dulles to avoid connections. No one willing takes connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I agree that I don't think that the OP is talking about this area. I also think the whole tone of her post is off so I agree that she may be a troll."

I just gave a fairly detailed example of a kid here in the DMV that also doesn't have any interaction with members of the opposite sex, yet you're still not believing that this could happen here locally? What's the shibboleth to prove that I really am from here, as is this kid? Don't drive to work on the Friday when the National Christmas tree is lit or you'll be stuck in traffic till 8pm? The Silver Line is finally finished but most of us will still do everything possible to avoid flying out of Dulles? We call it National and not Reagan?

Because, dear, we have daughters at an all-girls high school in the DMV and we are familiar with all of the all-girls high schools in the DMV. There is not a single one that doesn't have a brother school, that doesn't have mixers and dances, that doesn't offer plentiful opportunities for the girls to see boys.

Yes, you are a TROLL. You keep digging yourself in deeper and deeper with your asinine posts. I have no idea what you think you are trying to prove except that you're an idiot troll and that you need psychological help.

OP here. This is not me you're replying to.

Fairfax HS has HoCo and Prom. There have been no other dances / mixers in our last few years there. Just saying, the idea of no dances is not totally out there.

There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools.

Not true. I went to a mixed school and we had dances all the time. I wasn't dating in class, in the halls, etc. Interaction in Alg. 2 is not the same as interacting at things like dances. It's entirely relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

The OP says her kid is missing out on interactions with boys. Please read her posts.

I am pointing out that if the OP's daughter isn't interacting at all with boys at school, while she is on campus, then something is very weird. Literally the boys and girls schools are next door to each other and they share sports/other facilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

The OP says her kid is missing out on interactions with boys. Please read her posts.

I am pointing out that if the OP's daughter isn't interacting at all with boys at school, while she is on campus, then something is very weird. Literally the boys and girls schools are next door to each other and they share sports/other facilities.

It's very easy not to have any interaction with the opposite school in 9th and 10th grade. The only sports that are coed are cross country/track and swimming. My daughter plays soccer, basketball and softball. No interaction in any of those.
There is some interaction with the singing group and theatre but only a small fraction of the kids do those (mine does not).
There are some coed art classes but my daughter's current art class has zero boys in it. There were 2 but they dropped it. My daughter had an art class last year with ONE boy in it. Now her art requirement is done.
There is a little more interaction later on through coed English classes senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

The OP says her kid is missing out on interactions with boys. Please read her posts.

I am pointing out that if the OP's daughter isn't interacting at all with boys at school, while she is on campus, then something is very weird. Literally the boys and girls schools are next door to each other and they share sports/other facilities.

I did read it. Op thinks her kid is missing our but her dd doesn't seem bothered

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters who have said that not dating isn’t a big deal, but forming friendships and learning to work with boys in a team and one on one setting is very important. I went to public high school and then went to a predominantly male university (65% men). I was also in a sorority there. The girls who went to all girls schools were amazing individuals, but tended to be awkward around the boys and were not as comfortable working on group projects with them.

I didn’t date or kiss anyone until college. I had no brothers or male cousins. I am cringing at the thought of how I would have fared in college both in class and socially without the benefit of many years of group and partner work in school and extracurriculars and casual and close friendships in school.

Men and women are different, obviously, that is why single gender schools exist at all. The natural progression that we want for our college age daughters is to form a friendship that then develops into a romantic relationship. It makes sense that you would want your daughter to practice forming male friendships to develop judgment and experience on dating preferences.

One last comment - maybe this was just at my male dominated school, but there was a phenomenon every year where the upper class men would befriend freshmen women, be super helpful, and immediately try to date them. I had a couple of friends who found themselves in a relationship the first week of school because they were so flattered and inexperienced about the nuance between friendship and dating.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s okay. What if she attends a Women’s college? Will she wait until her early 20s to start serious relationships?
Who you marry is the single most important decision a woman ever makes. It’s not okay for her to hide out from the world of men or fall behind the learning curve unless you want her to be left behind in her 20s and complaining on DCUM in 20 years about how she didn’t marry the man of her dreams. Unless she’s gay.

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t they socialize with the boys’ schools and the kids they went to middle school with. What you are describing is not typical of an all girls high scho environment.

[Anonymous]

I have to wonder if you would be as concerned if the genders were reversed.

Boys are not some magic creatures.
Girls don't learn to work as part of a team with them from earlier interaction. Instead what they learn is to become deferential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to wonder if you would be as concerned if the genders were reversed.

Boys are not some magic creatures.
Girls don't learn to work as part of a team with them from earlier interaction. Instead what they learn is to become deferential.

Funny you should mention this. NP. I have a 14 year old at all boys school, but has swam for a club since he was 8. He went out on his first date last week with a girl from the swim team. I’m not exaggerating when I say there is NO WAY he would have the courage and comfort level to go to a movie with a girl if not for swim team. He is moving to a coed school next year. I think it’s equally important for boys to feel comfortable around girls and develop friendships in the tween/teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

The OP says her kid is missing out on interactions with boys. Please read her posts.

I am pointing out that if the OP's daughter isn't interacting at all with boys at school, while she is on campus, then something is very weird. Literally the boys and girls schools are next door to each other and they share sports/other facilities.

It's very easy not to have any interaction with the opposite school in 9th and 10th grade. The only sports that are coed are cross country/track and swimming. My daughter plays soccer, basketball and softball. No interaction in any of those.
There is some interaction with the singing group and theatre but only a small fraction of the kids do those (mine does not).
There are some coed art classes but my daughter's current art class has zero boys in it. There were 2 but they dropped it. My daughter had an art class last year with ONE boy in it. Now her art requirement is done.
There is a little more interaction later on through coed English classes senior year.

Mmm-hmm. Your daughter doesn't seem to be attracting boys, and she certainly doesn't seem to be making much effort to connect with them. She just happened to miss having boys in her art classes? Right. You pushed the sports way too hard. Now your daughter either doesn't know how to make herself attractive to boys, or has decided to be gay.

This is why you have to plot out DC's path from the beginning. No, it's not "cute" to have your kid play with another kid whose parents rent an apartment. No, it's not "sweet" that your kid shared her lunch with a FARMS kid. Yes, it's highly concerning and upsetting when your kid does not get interested in American Girl and doesn't "pretend" or "visualize" her American Girl's path.

I have always told my girlfriends that each kid should have a stylist from 5th grade onward. Someone highly qualified to help DC, girl or boy. The stylist can educate on fashion trends, make sure the haircut is attractive, and work through with DC the language that DC's appearance, clothes, and choice of friends tell about DC. Obviously Rachel Zoe would be ridiculously expensive, but she's the ideal. Perhaps you could see if Zoe has a protege or trainee or intern who would meet with DC at a reasonable rate to gain experience. Up to you.