Is is ok for a kid to not date (or interact with) the opposite sex until college?

[Anonymous]

I attended an all girls’ Catholic school and kissed a lot of boys in HS. My best friend attended a public HS and didn’t a kiss a boy until college. This was the 1980s.

[Anonymous]

Wow. That freshman year will be one wild ride for her. I don't think she will be prepared at all for what is to come.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"There is no need for mixers and dances at co-ed public schools, because males and females interact daily with each other. Your experience at a public school is not what other are talking about. They are talking about private, all-girls/all-boys schools."

I think the point being made is that lots of schools, private and non-private, have cut back or completely eliminated discretionary social mixing. So the idea that a particular private school is doing what other schools are doing is not at all outlandish.

The OP says she is talking about NCS. The NCS is on a campus that has the brother school. Her daughter really never interacts with any of the boys? That's crazy. There is more going on here than OP is saying. Her daughter would have to be a complete recluse to avoid seeing and interacting with any boys while she is at school.

Pray tell us what op's dd is missing? St albans boys aren't all that and a bag of chips.

The OP says her kid is missing out on interactions with boys. Please read her posts.

I am pointing out that if the OP's daughter isn't interacting at all with boys at school, while she is on campus, then something is very weird. Literally the boys and girls schools are next door to each other and they share sports/other facilities.

It's very easy not to have any interaction with the opposite school in 9th and 10th grade. The only sports that are coed are cross country/track and swimming. My daughter plays soccer, basketball and softball. No interaction in any of those.
There is some interaction with the singing group and theatre but only a small fraction of the kids do those (mine does not).
There are some coed art classes but my daughter's current art class has zero boys in it. There were 2 but they dropped it. My daughter had an art class last year with ONE boy in it. Now her art requirement is done.
There is a little more interaction later on through coed English classes senior year.

Mmm-hmm. Your daughter doesn't seem to be attracting boys, and she certainly doesn't seem to be making much effort to connect with them. She just happened to miss having boys in her art classes? Right. You pushed the sports way too hard. Now your daughter either doesn't know how to make herself attractive to boys, or has decided to be gay.

This is why you have to plot out DC's path from the beginning. No, it's not "cute" to have your kid play with another kid whose parents rent an apartment. No, it's not "sweet" that your kid shared her lunch with a FARMS kid. Yes, it's highly concerning and upsetting when your kid does not get interested in American Girl and doesn't "pretend" or "visualize" her American Girl's path.

I have always told my girlfriends that each kid should have a stylist from 5th grade onward. Someone highly qualified to help DC, girl or boy. The stylist can educate on fashion trends, make sure the haircut is attractive, and work through with DC the language that DC's appearance, clothes, and choice of friends tell about DC. Obviously Rachel Zoe would be ridiculously expensive, but she's the ideal. Perhaps you could see if Zoe has a protege or trainee or intern who would meet with DC at a reasonable rate to gain experience. Up to you.

This one of the weirder and more random replies I've ever read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My daughter plays sports because the school requires sport each season of the year. The coed options are cross country in the fall and swimming in the winter. My kid's predominant sport is in the fall (she's played this sport for 10 years) so she can't do cross country and she's not a swimmer and swimming has cuts.
Anyway, the rest of the sports are single gender and again, the girls are required to do them with practice until 6pm daily

The art class rosters are what they are. Some times there are no boys, some times there are 2, sometimes a handful. They are all more kids than spots and everyone has to do 2 before graduation so you get-what-you-get. It's often challenging to even get ANY spot, let alone switch out of one to another.

I was at a school event this weekend and talked to the parents of a senior who said that they are THRILLED that their daughter has dating a boy from church because she never interacted with a boy from 9th to 11th grades and they were worried about what would happen if she left for college having never interacted with a boy. What my daughter is experiencing is not unique to her. Again, she has at least 10 friends in the same situation. They are lovely, fashionable, smart, funny girls. They just live a rather monastic life--and not entirely by choice.

[Anonymous]

PP from 10:57. OP, I’ll assume your daughter is heterosexual, if I’ve read your posts correctly. Aside from being comfortable working with males, I would also be concerned about developing male friendships. The vast majority of romances start off as friendships first. Having male friends help us determine what qualities we like, what the dealbreakers are, and how we want to be treated. You have to foster enough male relationships with sufficient depth to develop good judgement on who to date. Otherwise you are basing your knowledge on male behavior from books and movies.

Sometimes a relationship starts out without a preceding friendship, but in college, it is almost always a friendship first.

[Anonymous]

I mean, diversity is either good or it doesn’t matter I guess? The consensus seems to be its good right?
Unless we think it doesn’t matter? Hmmm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP from 10:57. OP, I’ll assume your daughter is heterosexual, if I’ve read your posts correctly. Aside from being comfortable working with males, I would also be concerned about developing male friendships. The vast majority of romances start off as friendships first. Having male friends help us determine what qualities we like, what the dealbreakers are, and how we want to be treated. You have to foster enough male relationships with sufficient depth to develop good judgement on who to date. Otherwise you are basing your knowledge on male behavior from books and movies.

Sometimes a relationship starts out without a preceding friendship, but in college, it is almost always a friendship first.

The problem with the friendship is that you wind up in the friend zone because you're not seen as a romantic option. Just sayin'.

[Anonymous]

PP- My niece at a large public university (freshman) just said that she was followed up a sidewalk into the building where she has a work study job by a guy who "wanted her number." She and her friends thought this was really creepy. They much prefer to have guys relate to them as people. If there's an interest in more, that's fine and it should develop organically. But they have zero interest in guys approaching them as potential dates out of the blue. This is probably because it's obviously based on nothing more than him thinking she's hot, and she wants to be valued for her other attributes. She attended a regular public high school with boys and girls.


"The problem with the friendship is that you wind up in the friend zone because you're not seen as a romantic option. Just sayin'."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]I don’t think it’s okay.[/b] What if she attends a Women’s college? Will she wait until her early 20s to start serious relationships?
Who you marry is the single most important decision a woman ever makes. It’s not okay for her to hide out from the world of men or fall behind the learning curve unless you want her to be left behind in her 20s and complaining on DCUM in 20 years about how she didn’t marry the man of her dreams. Unless she’s gay.

Why wouldn't it be ok? What if she doesn't want to marry? Just because she isn't interacting doesn't mean she is hiding out.

[Anonymous]

My DS is a freshman at UNC Chapel Hill, and he neither dated anyone nor had girlfriends in high school. He also didn't have friends who are girls. He spent all of his free time in high school with sports and music. He is doing very well, perhaps too well, with women in college in the past three months, by having too many sexual partners. I just told him to be careful and use protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS is a freshman at UNC Chapel Hill, and he neither dated anyone nor had girlfriends in high school. He also didn't have friends who are girls. He spent all of his free time in high school with sports and music. He is doing very well, perhaps too well, with women in college in the past three months, by having too many sexual partners. I just told him to be careful and use protection.

He talks about his sexual partners with you?

[Anonymous]

I went to a completely coed high school, and was so much taller than al the boys I had exactly two dates and one kiss before graduation. College was completely different!

[Anonymous]

Oh sweetie, you have no idea what your daughter has been up to.

[Anonymous]

Were you a slut in high school, OP? I can't imagine why someone would find this is as abnormal as you seem to?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. I went to an all girls high school and we interacted a ton with our brother school. Does your daughter's school not have a brother school??? Does your daughter not do any non-school related activities? I mean sign her up for a co-ed sport of activity like karate, swimming, chess, music, etc...