Is is ok for a kid to not date (or interact with) the opposite sex until college?
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Anonymous
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My daughter attends an all-girls school. She and her friends are in 10th grade and are turning (or have turned) 16.
None have really talked to a boy since elementary (thx to Covid and the all-girls environment). None have kissed a boy, etc. They're all pretty, stylist, smart girls. Far more sophisticated than I was at their age. So far they've gone to dances with each other because they don't really have boys to invite and the boys at their brother school can be critical of the girls from their school. (the winter formal is coming up so we'll see what happens there). Anyway, clearly we signed up for this and many would say "it's a feature, not a bug" of an all-girls education. But I guess I never really thought this through we we agreed to enroll her in 6th grade (it was her idea). She will probably kiss her first boy in college. It's very different from my experience as a young person. What are your thoughts on this? |
Anonymous
| No, it's not a good idea for them to never interact with boys who basically make up half the population. It's fine if they don't want to date, but they need to be used to interacting with boys at least platonically. Can she join something in the neighborhood? Community theatre or a church choir or any teen volunteer org? |
Anonymous
| I went to a huge public school with tons of boys and didn’t really start dating or hanging around with them until college. (One kiss in high school, but it was awful.) It’s fine. Lots of kids are late bloomers and their interest in the opposite sex doesn’t really rev up til college anyway. |
Anonymous
| Every kid is different but I think going to an all same sex school made it harder for me to date and find my life partner. Dating/socializing experience is an important part of life experience. |
Anonymous
| Not dating isn't a big deal, but not interacting with or socializing with boys at all would be a problem. I'd look for some kind of activity where boys are included: church youth group or volunteer group? Camps? Scouting? Theater? Music? Job? |
Anonymous
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It is not a big deal. Consider it a blessing.
My DC went to all girls school. None of her friends had boyfriends in high school. They are in college now and they all have boyfriends. I do think she missed out on some of the things I experienced in high school but she avoided so much drama that I don't think she was ready for. She was an athlete so she did interact with boys every day during practice but never dated anyone on the team. |
Anonymous
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I had very few male friends outside of school prior to college and hadn't kissed anyone. I was a late bloomer. BUT I did have a lot of interactions with boys at school and some friends at school who were boys. I agree with PP who said find an environment outside of school that is co-ed if you can.
I think girls in an all-girls environment who want to be around boys would also find a way, particularly in today's environment where kids are very connected to each other on social media and their options are not limited to who they see at school every day. |
Anonymous
| No interaction with boys? No, I do no think that is ok. |
Anonymous
+1 I didn't date or do anything romantic with anyone until college but I started making male friends in high school and I'm glad I had the chance to interact with them and learned they weren't actually an alien species before trying to date. |
Anonymous
Is that what OP is talking about? She specifically said no interaction with boys. That's a lot different than not having a boyfriend. |
Anonymous
Same for me and both my kids. But I do have both a boy and a girl so they interact with the opposite sex just as part of life. |
Anonymous
| My DD and her friends in a large public aren’t that far off from this. They’re so busy with school and activities. They do, of course, have boys in the classroom. But socially, it’s mainly just girls and no one dates. |
Anonymous
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It is fine if they are not dating in school or even in early college. However, they need to have a lot of social interactions with boys.
My DDs have always hung around with tons of boys in school and in various competetions, at home etc. They did not date in school and in college they dates extensively but did not have a serious boyfriend until their senior year. I think that girls who come from all-girls schools tend to become a little boy crazy in college. Make sure that they are able to see boys as normal human beings and treat them with consideration and respect. They should also expect to be treated the same by boys. |
Anonymous
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Nbd. Dating doesn't matter that much. What matters the most is having a close, loving relationship with her father (who is hopefully a good husband). She'll end up looking for a man just like her father.
I really didn't date much. My first boyfriend (who was wonderful) and I dated for 5 years and then I met dh right after college and married at 26. I don't really think you need to date around to know what you want. |
Anonymous
| Why wouldn’t it be? Such an odd question. Plenty of girls in co-ed schools don’t date until college too. |