Divorce when kids go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

It's my XW who is the jerk who thinks she shouldn't have to pay anything - and in fact refuses to pay for the things she explicitly agreed to pay in the separation agreement. That's the unfortunate truth.

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

It's my XW who is the jerk who thinks she shouldn't have to pay anything - and in fact refuses to pay for the things she explicitly agreed to pay in the separation agreement. That's the unfortunate truth.

Then you should take her to court and request reimbursement. She will owe your attorneys' fees as well. But it's a responsible parent obligation to maintain kids financially as you're figuring all this out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

If one is paying child support that covers their obligation. The receiving parent can choose to use the money for the child or themselves as their is no accountability. $30k a year covers a state school. If child and mom choose differently mom can cover costs or child can take loans. That is post tax money for dad. Moms often cheat and don’t use the money on the kids.

If pp is getting child support, private lessons are included in child support or use your income.

[Anonymous]

So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being married or divorced has nothing to do with paying for college

Lol, WTF… of course it does.

Selfish is as selfish does

It's not a matter of being selfish. If the children have been alienated from the father by the divorced mother, why would he pay for their college?

What kind of awful parent would refuse to pay for their child's college (if they had the funds for it)? It should have nothing to do with the ex-spouse.

Here's an idea: the parent with the most assets should pay for college, rather than the parent with the most income.

My ex lost his job as part of his cheating. I am paying for everything because he can't along with my kids having to foot the bill too, but I don't give him a free pass just because he doesn't have money. He created his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Grow up. Stop the threats. A terrible marriage isn’t good for anyone or the kids. It’s not an easy decision to divorce but it’s usually very thought out by the time someone files. Sure it’s the best worst option, but it needs to happen. So you do it.

Most kids move away for college and know which adult they go to with what questions or emotional support. They’re 18 or older.
If parents communicate they’re there for them, holidays, long weekends, talking, support, brainstorming, etc. All the normal parenting stuff that hopefully was always happening for 18 years- at least by one parent…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Wtf

The reason a manipulative selfish abusive narcissist would play games with the family court system, financial abuse, use children as a pawn, and do post separation abuse is because he’s a manipulative selfish abusive narcissist. Not because the victim finally is getting away and ponders what degree of retaliation her Ex will do.

Holy moly DARVO.

[Anonymous]

Reminds me of the ahole abusers who tell their future ex wife: How dare YOU do this to the family!

Yes they raged and neglected and abused for years and years, destroying the family.

Delusional indeed. Runaway and don’t look back from psychos like that. Get your adult kids therapy too, so they can aid abuse from their dysfunctional parent and any dates they may have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

If one is paying child support that covers their obligation. The receiving parent can choose to use the money for the child or themselves as their is no accountability. $30k a year covers a state school. If child and mom choose differently mom can cover costs or child can take loans. That is post tax money for dad. Moms often cheat and don’t use the money on the kids.

If pp is getting child support, private lessons are included in child support or use your income.

No CS covers only the child's living expenses (which include the mom's 50% of mortgage, food and clothing). It does not include college: parents should agree separately on this additional financial obligation when getting divorced, if they care for kids. You basically waive any obligation on your part for your child's college obligation. I feel sorry for the woman who married you and birthed your kids: you are irresponsible jerk. SUch guys don't pay even when they cheat. And how a parent cheating even relate to kids future? I can see why she left you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Grow up. Stop the threats. A terrible marriage isn’t good for anyone or the kids. It’s not an easy decision to divorce but it’s usually very thought out by the time someone files. Sure it’s the best worst option, but it needs to happen. So you do it.

Most kids move away for college and know which adult they go to with what questions or emotional support. They’re 18 or older.
If parents communicate they’re there for them, holidays, long weekends, talking, support, brainstorming, etc. All the normal parenting stuff that hopefully was always happening for 18 years- at least by one parent…

DP - the bolded is exactly why many of us, often speaking from personal experience, are telling people NOT to wait to divorce. While you're biding your time, you're also subjecting your kids to a lot of unhappiness for... what, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Grow up. Stop the threats. A terrible marriage isn’t good for anyone or the kids. It’s not an easy decision to divorce but it’s usually very thought out by the time someone files. Sure it’s the best worst option, but it needs to happen. So you do it.

Most kids move away for college and know which adult they go to with what questions or emotional support. They’re 18 or older.
If parents communicate they’re there for them, holidays, long weekends, talking, support, brainstorming, etc. All the normal parenting stuff that hopefully was always happening for 18 years- at least by one parent…

DP - the bolded is exactly why many of us, often speaking from personal experience, are telling people NOT to wait to divorce. While you're biding your time, you're also subjecting your kids to a lot of unhappiness for... what, exactly?

Stop pretending that this is about preventing the kids from seeing an unhappy marriage and thereby subjecting them to unhappiness. This is about what YOU want and what's good for YOU not them.

If you wanted to, you could live together amicably and co-parent such that the kids never noticed the "terrible marriage" but you won't do that because you only think of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Grow up. Stop the threats. A terrible marriage isn’t good for anyone or the kids. It’s not an easy decision to divorce but it’s usually very thought out by the time someone files. Sure it’s the best worst option, but it needs to happen. So you do it.

Most kids move away for college and know which adult they go to with what questions or emotional support. They’re 18 or older.
If parents communicate they’re there for them, holidays, long weekends, talking, support, brainstorming, etc. All the normal parenting stuff that hopefully was always happening for 18 years- at least by one parent…

DP - the bolded is exactly why many of us, often speaking from personal experience, are telling people NOT to wait to divorce. While you're biding your time, you're also subjecting your kids to a lot of unhappiness for... what, exactly?

Stop pretending that this is about preventing the kids from seeing an unhappy marriage and thereby subjecting them to unhappiness. This is about what YOU want and what's good for YOU not them.

If you wanted to, you could live together amicably and co-parent such that the kids never noticed the "terrible marriage" but you won't do that because you only think of yourself.

Why do so many people spend so much time pretending to be someone they aren't. We all know if you were really happy you wouldn't be here on dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you wait until the child needs to focus on study and then you are going to rip apart their life and potentially cause them to fail due to all the family drama.

You sound very selfish.

Your question is very telling about your own thoughts and motivation.
You are concerned that your husband would choose not to help his child because of your behavior/choice to divorce him.
Why would you think that other people would punish a child to get back at the other parent unless, you yourself, are the type person to do that.

Just go ahead a rip apart the family now. Maybe by the time the kid(s) go to college he/she will be able to focus and study.

Grow up. Stop the threats. A terrible marriage isn’t good for anyone or the kids. It’s not an easy decision to divorce but it’s usually very thought out by the time someone files. Sure it’s the best worst option, but it needs to happen. So you do it.

Most kids move away for college and know which adult they go to with what questions or emotional support. They’re 18 or older.
If parents communicate they’re there for them, holidays, long weekends, talking, support, brainstorming, etc. All the normal parenting stuff that hopefully was always happening for 18 years- at least by one parent…

DP - the bolded is exactly why many of us, often speaking from personal experience, are telling people NOT to wait to divorce. While you're biding your time, you're also subjecting your kids to a lot of unhappiness for... what, exactly?

Stop pretending that this is about preventing the kids from seeing an unhappy marriage and thereby subjecting them to unhappiness. This is about what YOU want and what's good for YOU not them.

If you wanted to, you could live together amicably and co-parent such that the kids never noticed the "terrible marriage" but you won't do that because you only think of yourself.

Not with mentally disordered coparent or abuser or addict plus the current state and view of family courts (dysfunctional parents rights trumps the healthy and safety of a child).

[Anonymous]

This totally f*d up up one of my dearest friends and his siblings for life. He felt like his entire life had been a sham an has had an extreme amount of difficulty with relationships and trust, 20 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

If one is paying child support that covers their obligation. The receiving parent can choose to use the money for the child or themselves as their is no accountability. $30k a year covers a state school. If child and mom choose differently mom can cover costs or child can take loans. That is post tax money for dad. Moms often cheat and don’t use the money on the kids.

If pp is getting child support, private lessons are included in child support or use your income.

No CS covers only the child's living expenses (which include the mom's 50% of mortgage, food and clothing). It does not include college: parents should agree separately on this additional financial obligation when getting divorced, if they care for kids. You basically waive any obligation on your part for your child's college obligation. I feel sorry for the woman who married you and birthed your kids: you are irresponsible jerk. SUch guys don't pay even when they cheat. And how a parent cheating even relate to kids future? I can see why she left you.

No it is not 50% of mortgage and it covers that parents share of full expenses. If you get child support and your kid is away at college that money is for them not your mortgage.

In most states child support is over at 18. Just like married parents there is no requirement to pay for college.