Divorce when kids go to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I always tell parents who feel like they're going to divorce when the kid is in college to just DO IT NOW.

Financially, I have no comment. My parents' divorce attorneys negotiated all that for them.

But, emotionally for me as a college senior and my brother as a college freshman, it was TERRIBLE. I wish they had just done it when I was younger, at least then I would have had peers with similar experiences. Going through it as a young adult was deeply traumatizing and I still have lingering issues to this day.

(And, no, my parents didn't "fool" me with their 'happy marriage' until their divorce, either. We, as kids, knew something was up for years.)

At least you got to go. My kids don't have a parent paying for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife would threaten that--she was going to divorce me when the kids went to college. So I filed for divorce 8 years before the oldest went to college.

smart

I waited and it was a big mistake. there is no benefit to the kids in staying married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

What’s about living expenses ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being married or divorced has nothing to do with paying for college

Lol, WTF… of course it does.

Selfish is as selfish does

It's not a matter of being selfish. If the children have been alienated from the father by the divorced mother, why would he pay for their college?

What kind of awful parent would refuse to pay for their child's college (if they had the funds for it)? It should have nothing to do with the ex-spouse.

Here's an idea: the parent with the most assets should pay for college, rather than the parent with the most income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

What’s about living expenses ?

Exactly. I didn't have any money left to cover living expenses after paying rent and CS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

What’s about living expenses ?

Exactly. I didn't have any money left to cover living expenses after paying rent and CS.

I meant your child's living expenses in college. You or your spouse should have accumulated a nice home equity after many years of marriage, didn't you? In Germany, for example, there is an obligation to fully cover college education for kids at same level as the divorced parents. You can't tell kids stay with HS diploma if you have masters' yourself.

[Anonymous]

My parents divorced with 3 teenagers. My mother made sure it was in the divorce agreement that my Dad paid for college. She gave up any claim to his retirement (she had her own pension) in return. She trusted him though, but didn't want to fight about it when we all left.

I was the youngest, and you may assume the divorce as hardest for me. But I actually think it was the most difficult for my brother, who was already a freshmen in college. His home life changed dramatically, while he was away. It was really hard for him to adjust to how it was because he was only home infrequently. Whereas I lived it as my daily life, and made peace with it pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in NY state at the time, but when my child went to college I was forced to pay child support until the child was 21. So the support could be (and was in our case) used for college.

Don’t be funny. CS would be enough for college if you are a multi millionaire . For mid level income it’s only community college

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

What’s about living expenses ?

Exactly. I didn't have any money left to cover living expenses after paying rent and CS.

I meant your child's living expenses in college. You or your spouse should have accumulated a nice home equity after many years of marriage, didn't you? In Germany, for example, there is an obligation to fully cover college education for kids at same level as the divorced parents. You can't tell kids stay with HS diploma if you have masters' yourself.

Germany provides free higher education so this "obligation" does not provide much of a financial burden. The same is not true here. You can't impose an obligation when some families would simply be unable to pay it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being married or divorced has nothing to do with paying for college

Lol, WTF… of course it does.

Selfish is as selfish does

It's not a matter of being selfish. If the children have been alienated from the father by the divorced mother, why would he pay for their college?

What kind of awful parent would refuse to pay for their child's college (if they had the funds for it)? It should have nothing to do with the ex-spouse.

Here's an idea: the parent with the most assets should pay for college, rather than the parent with the most income.

The parent that cheated should always pay.

[Anonymous]

I agree with others that freshman year is a bad time. If I had to do it over again. I would have worked something out with ex and waited til my youngest was a little older. I’m a year out from my divorce, my youngest was going into her freshman year at the time, she’s a sophomore now and still calls me crying. My older kids faired much better.

[Anonymous]

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Really? At one point I was paying $2,100/mo in Maryland. So a year's tuition at UVA was being paid in CS by me.

If your kid was a MD resident, $2100 is not even close to enough to cover a year of college at UVA. Also, many parents pay for college and still cover their kids’ other expenses (college is only 8 months a year) - paying cs is the bare minimum for a parent.

Exactly - UVA is what, 30k/year? The guy is a jerk. It's the parent with most assets (not the one who cheated) should pay. Children are not guilty for their mother or father cheating. But it's usually cheating dads who think CS is all they owe to kids

Any woman who considers having kids should have minimum expectations from men and rely only on her financials for kids' college. That's the unfortunate truth. My exH is a millionaire, he doesn't want even to pay $50 for private lessons couple times a month for our special needs child. I pay

It's my XW who is the jerk who thinks she shouldn't have to pay anything - and in fact refuses to pay for the things she explicitly agreed to pay in the separation agreement. That's the unfortunate truth.