Divorce when kids go to college?
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Anonymous
It’s kind of like domestic violence compared to real violence. If you are going to leave your spouse there is a strong likelihood you will have lesser ties to your kids as well. A lot of times the person wants out of marriage responsibilities and college is just one of these. Or they see the spouse in the kids. The people who don’t pay tend to be less responsible in life overall with others. |
Anonymous
No, because when you're married, finances for both parents are easier (they are sharing a home rather than paying for two homes), there is no feeling (or much less feeling) of anger about who pays what (as opposed to divorce when one party thinks they're paying too much and the other party thinks they're not receiving enough), and last but not least, when you're married you are partners working for each other's mutual benefit - everyone can be a winner - whereas when you're divorced you are adversaries and there is a winner and a loser. |
Anonymous
When I met with my attorney they specifically said the reason my ex was fighting for 50/50 custody and no college was because he didn't want to pay anymore than the bare minimum. He didn't get 50/50 custody and had to pay more in CS but I don't get any college money from him. He is a blue-collar worker. I think this is more typical with the mid to lower classes than the upper classes, but that's just a guess. |
Anonymous
There was no need for him to “fight” no college: no court in any state would obligate a parent to pay fir college beyond community college. You can only pressure in negotiations to sign it, if you have leverage on the ex spouse. Of course even higher income dads don’t want to pay! See what they say above: why don’t you get your child a cheaper SAT prep? No I can’t. My child already passed 1500 threshold with online course after 2 months self prep, and to get 1550 (which gets him into his goal college) he must take the only existing in the area tailored tutorship service. Dad enrolled him into $99/month shitty class well below his level. I just paid $6k for a higher level SAT prep myself, it’s 6 months of CS Dad makes over a $1mm/year; I make $300k/year |
Anonymous
Kind of what I was thinking. Pretty disruptive. |
Anonymous
They don't want to pay YOU money that you may or may not choose to spend on your kids. Spending directly on the kids is another matter. In any event I make much less than you and I am not only contributing significantly to two 529 accounts, I intend to pay for high quality SAT prep, and I expect to pay for all of college for two kids (it is XW who doesn't want to pay anything), so get outta here with this "higher income dads don’t want to pay" garbage. I'm not a high income dad but I am still paying. Frankly if you make $300k and you wound up paying for all of your kids college it would reflect poorly on their father but nevertheless it is well within your financial capacity to do so and complaints of financial hardship aren't very convincing. |
Anonymous
I demanded and got 50/50 custody because I wanted it and deserved it. My attorney specifically said not to agree to pay for college because "you don't want your ex wife controlling the college money or the college decisionmaking process". My kids are going to college and I am going to pay for it but none of that money is going to go by way of my XW's bank account that's for sure. Reading this thread confirmed the wisdom of that advice, as women feel they have a right to skim off as much of the kids college money for their own use as they deem necessary. |
Anonymous
How would your exW would control the college admission or money if you agreed to pay it outside CS? It's paid directly to colleges, not your exW. My exH is a multi millionaire and he uses the lack of college funding clauses as a tool to reduce my retirement savings. I am making 300K/year but I don't have as high NW and still need to work towards my retirement |
Anonymous
You think you somehow represent the middle and lower classes? No one cares about families making $300k and above. You can get whatever you need to be successful in America. Why are you on here if you have zero money problems? |
Anonymous
| The people I’m talking about make $100k or less and don’t want to spend it on their children period before 18 and after. |
Anonymous
300k is nothing in dmv after college expenses . The point is millionaire ex husbands couldn’t care less. I know several extremely high income dads (sold businesses etc) who didn’t pay or tried to shift college funding on much lower paid exes. Yes they’re exes are not poor but the point is dads used it as means of retaliation at ex wife who got assets in divorce they thought she didn’t deserve. All moms are know (lots of WB, IMF etc professional women) pay for colleges themselves and dads stepped aside. And I do think that if a mom is making 100k and dad makes 300k college is on him and it is a separate financial obligation from CS which doesn’t account for it |
Anonymous
People who make 100k and less can’t afford elite colleges no matter married or divorced. They need to move into a state with decent schools for in state tuition and have their kids in sports to reduce living expenses. Or have kids reside with a parent throughout college - this is how it’s done in Europe. |
Anonymous
Not all divorces are adversaries with no winners and no losers. Some want the best for the kids and continue to be 50/50. I suspect those that were never 50/50 are the ones with an issue, when 1 person expects the other person to continue to foot the bill 100%. |
Anonymous
Actually people making < $100K most likely will get full scholarship. It's the people making $125 that are screwed. |
Anonymous
Not true. My ex still insists on son staying with him 50% although we fight over all expenses . He infect threatens son that if he moves 100% to me then dad won’t pay for the late year of private school. He uses lack of certain provisions in MSA to enforce custody schedule |