To tired of smug moms-of-3-under 35

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

Why is this? I had 3 kids by 30 (yes we are high income, no I am not smug, I am aware that most people don’t want more than 1-2 kids, if that) and now I am 41 and my youngest is 11. No regrets here. Life is pretty idyllic with teens and tweens. Why am I in for a “rude awakening”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Or perhaps they sensed your tone-deafness or negative judgmental attitude towards those who don't have children. "Childless" is a condescending term you should not use to describe those who do not have children just as I'm sure you would not want to be referred to as a breeder. You just met these people and yet you describe them as boring?

Perhaps they didn't tell you what they "liked to do" because they just had to spend 20 minutes listening to YOU about your pack of kids and your local park outings, date nights and hikes along a path. At that point, they probably figured a discussion about their interest in ideas, the verities of life and their diverse group of global friends would have been wasted on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Nah. I'm good. I don't have any expectation of receiving social security anyway. They will have it means-tested by then. People who are counting on it should be worried though! Especially after they spend all their money on their 3+ kids! Hope they will support you in your old age!

You should probably realize you’re most likely not going to be able to afford your nursing home either given the plummeting birth rate and resulting labor shortage. Unless this country suddenly changes its mind about immigration. We’d have to get rid of the GOP’s stranglehold on state politics first though. In other words: fat chance of that happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Or perhaps they sensed your tone-deafness or negative judgmental attitude towards those who don't have children. "Childless" is a condescending term you should not use to describe those who do not have children just as I'm sure you would not want to be referred to as a breeder. You just met these people and yet you describe them as boring?

Perhaps they didn't tell you what they "liked to do" because they just had to spend 20 minutes listening to YOU about your pack of kids and your local park outings, date nights and hikes along a path. At that point, they probably figured a discussion about their interest in ideas, the verities of life and their diverse group of global friends would have been wasted on you.

Actually I didn’t talk about my kids at all. I thought they were very nice. They liked me enough to hang out again with our mutual friend. I don’t need you to be fun and exciting to like you. I did think they were a little boring. I have many friends who are a little boring. I don’t like to get wasted or high. I’m sure some of my friends would think I’m boring for not liking to get wasted. Shrug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Or perhaps they sensed your tone-deafness or negative judgmental attitude towards those who don't have children. "Childless" is a condescending term you should not use to describe those who do not have children just as I'm sure you would not want to be referred to as a breeder. You just met these people and yet you describe them as boring?

Perhaps they didn't tell you what they "liked to do" because they just had to spend 20 minutes listening to YOU about your pack of kids and your local park outings, date nights and hikes along a path. At that point, they probably figured a discussion about their interest in ideas, the verities of life and their diverse group of global friends would have been wasted on you.

Not that it matters but we are the ones from other cities with international friends. They are local, went to local colleges and have local friends. I’m happy to make local friends. A lot of people we meet move away since they were transplants like us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Or perhaps they sensed your tone-deafness or negative judgmental attitude towards those who don't have children. "Childless" is a condescending term you should not use to describe those who do not have children just as I'm sure you would not want to be referred to as a breeder. You just met these people and yet you describe them as boring?

Perhaps they didn't tell you what they "liked to do" because they just had to spend 20 minutes listening to YOU about your pack of kids and your local park outings, date nights and hikes along a path. At that point, they probably figured a discussion about their interest in ideas, the verities of life and their diverse group of global friends would have been wasted on you.

Actually I didn’t talk about my kids at all. I thought they were very nice. They liked me enough to hang out again with our mutual friend. I don’t need you to be fun and exciting to like you. I did think they were a little boring. I have many friends who are a little boring. I don’t like to get wasted or high. I’m sure some of my friends would think I’m boring for not liking to get wasted. Shrug.

You just met them yesterday but have already done/planned a hang out with them? You like them now but first you said they were boring?

Maybe you don't need to get wasted or high because your writing is very incoherent. Thus, your posts just became irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my son when I was 30. He was a very high needs baby/toddler and I learned quickly not to disclose this to many because there was so much condescending advice from parents with easy babies. It really, really bothered me when I was struggling.
So far though I have found more often it's moms of 3+ in general (young or not) who are smug when their kids are in the under ~12 ages. Not sure why. I'm one of 4 and my mom did it largely on her own while my father worked long hours. It wasn't a cake walk. Most moms of 3+ I know have A LOT of help but act like they know/do so much more. I know it's not the case though so I ignore it.

I’ve noticed this as well. Many people seem to think raising 3 kids means they know everything about all kids, regardless of whether they started having them younger or older.

[Anonymous]

I had 3 by 33 and I like our family size but I’m not sure what you mean by smug or why this would be a thing. I have friends with one kid, lots with two, another with three and all of them seem happy with their family size and planned for it. I feel bad for a couple friends who aren’t able to have kids because it’s been really hard on them but I absolutely don’t feel better than them. It’s not like it was some kind of shortcoming on their part that led to infertility- it happens and it isn’t fair.

I think you may feel unhappy in your current circumstance and be projecting feelings onto the people around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

Why is this? I had 3 kids by 30 (yes we are high income, no I am not smug, I am aware that most people don’t want more than 1-2 kids, if that) and now I am 41 and my youngest is 11. No regrets here. Life is pretty idyllic with teens and tweens. Why am I in for a “rude awakening”?

You are exactly the type of smug person OP is talking about. Thanks for making her point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

Why is this? I had 3 kids by 30 (yes we are high income, no I am not smug, I am aware that most people don’t want more than 1-2 kids, if that) and now I am 41 and my youngest is 11. No regrets here. Life is pretty idyllic with teens and tweens. Why am I in for a “rude awakening”?

You are exactly the type of smug person OP is talking about. Thanks for making her point.

DP but what point? That people who are happy with their life choices are intolerable? I had 3 before 35 with my same age husband who I am still head over heels in love with, and I don’t need your validation about my choices, but I also don’t get why you have to be such a hater…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: If they I have three children and are under 35 and are smug, they have a rude awakening as they continue to age.

Why is this? I had 3 kids by 30 (yes we are high income, no I am not smug, I am aware that most people don’t want more than 1-2 kids, if that) and now I am 41 and my youngest is 11. No regrets here. Life is pretty idyllic with teens and tweens. Why am I in for a “rude awakening”?

You are exactly the type of smug person OP is talking about. Thanks for making her point.

np I imagine there are people with one or two kids that feel the same way; comfortable and happy with their life choices. I don’t get that pp is saying she is better than people with fewer kids, just that she is currently happy. Nothing wrong with that

[Anonymous]

Why 3, specifically? Is this not the case for moms of 2 or 4? This just seems like such a very specific demographic to target

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did have 3 kids in my 30s and now I have 3 kids in my 40s. Everyone we interact with has kids so no one would act smug about having kids. My oldest is now 13. We have friends who have kids in college and high school. I don’t think anyone really cares about the family status of others. I know I don’t.

I met some childless people yesterday. I asked what they liked to do and they said they stayed home a lot and cooked. I don’t think they played sports, hiked or even traveled. As a married mom of 3, I go out with friends at least once a week, once with my husband and multiple times with my kids. Did they think I was smug? I hope not. I did think they were kind of boring.

Most of the DINKS I know also spend most of their time at home hanging out. On the one hand, they seem to have a very strong relationship from having so much time together. On the other, I am puzzled by the fact that they don't do more with their freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Nah. I'm good. I don't have any expectation of receiving social security anyway. They will have it means-tested by then. People who are counting on it should be worried though! Especially after they spend all their money on their 3+ kids! Hope they will support you in your old age!

You should probably realize you’re most likely not going to be able to afford your nursing home either given the plummeting birth rate and resulting labor shortage. Unless this country suddenly changes its mind about immigration. We’d have to get rid of the GOP’s stranglehold on state politics first though. In other words: fat chance of that happening.

The GOP opposition to immigration is a temporary issue. Historically rich people loved immigration because it supplies cheap labor to staff their business, clean their homes, etc. My super conversative Republican brother is always talking about how hard working the Mexican immigrants are and how you can’t get native born poor people to do a decent job on your lawn. As soon as the GOP sufficiently fixes the vote, and can figure out how to capture the immigrant vote (which they’ve been making progress on), they’ll be happy to have immigrants to work at the crappy chain for-profit nursing homes that they own. This momentary opposition to immigrant labor is causing them a huge headache, labor wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3+ kids is selfish and irresponsible. I wish society would stop glorifying it.

America's birthrate isn't at replacement level. Someone is going to have to pay for your social security someday. Maybe you should be thanking those who are willing to have more than two.

Nah. I'm good. I don't have any expectation of receiving social security anyway. They will have it means-tested by then. People who are counting on it should be worried though! Especially after they spend all their money on their 3+ kids! Hope they will support you in your old age!

You should probably realize you’re most likely not going to be able to afford your nursing home either given the plummeting birth rate and resulting labor shortage. Unless this country suddenly changes its mind about immigration. We’d have to get rid of the GOP’s stranglehold on state politics first though. In other words: fat chance of that happening.

The GOP opposition to immigration is a temporary issue. Historically rich people loved immigration because it supplies cheap labor to staff their business, clean their homes, etc. My super conversative Republican brother is always talking about how hard working the Mexican immigrants are and how you can’t get native born poor people to do a decent job on your lawn. As soon as the GOP sufficiently fixes the vote, and can figure out how to capture the immigrant vote (which they’ve been making progress on), they’ll be happy to have immigrants to work at the crappy chain for-profit nursing homes that they own. This momentary opposition to immigrant labor is causing them a huge headache, labor wise.

Take it to the politics board.