Married and infatuated with coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

I disagree with the above poster who says that you need to leave. I had a wild passion for my husband and our marriage is now companionate and platonic, and I’m ok with that. His happiness is precious to me, even if I don’t have some lust or butterflies. My children’s happiness is important to me too, and they adore their dad.

I ALSO have a crush on a coworker but I would never act on it because I’m not going to betray my family. This is my life and it’s a good life full of laughter and fun and not a ton of sex and that’s ok.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way about a coworker. The little devil over my shoulder tells me to go for it, while the angel over my older shoulder tells me not to. The angel has been winning and I've kept things professional, but the devil is definitely there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

I would do anything for my crush. I want to just grab him and kiss his gorgeous sexy face and rock his world, I am all his. I haven’t felt like this for so so long. If only this was 20 years ago and I knew then what I know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

DP.

I have the sex drive of a dog, and I was in passionate love with every guy I have ever slept with. I saw them, I wanted sex.

I suspect people with high sex drives ' fall in love' quickly. I don't think it's love: it's hormones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

This is one of the stupidest posts I’ve ever read on this website full of stupid posts.

No, OP, derailing your entire life for good sex is not a good idea. At least dump your husband first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

This is one of the stupidest posts I’ve ever read on this website full of stupid posts.

No, OP, derailing your entire life for good sex is not a good idea. At least dump your husband first.

And you are not even sure the sex will be good. Lol. It would be too late when you find out if it was worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

I disagree with the above poster who says that you need to leave. I had a wild passion for my husband and our marriage is now companionate and platonic, and I’m ok with that. His happiness is precious to me, even if I don’t have some lust or butterflies. My children’s happiness is important to me too, and they adore their dad.

I ALSO have a crush on a coworker but I would never act on it because I’m not going to betray my family. This is my life and it’s a good life full of laughter and fun and not a ton of sex and that’s ok.

Exactly. I am in this situation and here's the thing--I would never ever do anything about it (and neither would he) because both of us love our kids too much.

Funny enough, I was hired by the CEO of my company specifically because he thought I would be an ideal personality fit with my crush.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m someone who acted on the feelings. Don’t do it OP, it’s not real. Like someone said earlier it’s not him, it’s how he makes you feel. In my case the coworker would notice when I got a haircut, or wore a new outfit. He paid attention to what I liked and didn’t like and would make me dinner consisting of something he’d noticed I’d enjoyed at some point. (We were away for several weeks on work travel).

There’s nothing at all like the feeling of actually being seen by a living, breathing, attractive member of the opposite sex when you feel completely invisible in your long term marriage to your nice guy. Who you feel hasn’t actually seen you in years and would never, ever notice if you got a haircut.

In my case I fell for it, had what I thought was a good time for a few weeks, broke it off when the trip ended, came home from travel and felt horrible and came clean to my husband. He pretty much immediately (okay within a few months) decided he could never get over the betrayal and we divorced just over a year later. The rest is history.

My world blew up quicker than I ever thought was possible. My XH, who I thought would try to at least work on things, basically took off and was done. No second chances for me.

In retrospect I wasn’t actually even attracted to the guy. My XH was better looking and a better catch. But being around someone who listened to you and noticed you when you hadn’t experienced that for a long time was like a buffet for someone who is starving. I’m a total jerk for my behavior, I should have thought about what was missing from my own relationship and worked on that. Life lesson I would highly not recommend anyone else having to learn.

This, this.

It's equally true for men. I was basically the loser husband who was invisible to my wife and felt alive again when a co-worker showed interest.

But I am surprised you confessed. This is "take it to the grave" stuff. We had a wonderful time and it was a great break from the doldrums of being invisible and neglected in marriage.

I wish you well.

I feel for your wife....you better hope she never finds out.

I wish I had any passion towards my husband to even care if he cheated on me…really, after 20+ years of marriage, is it surprising that people lose interest?

Not surprising but sad, in my mind. There are plenty of marriages of 20 years that are strong because both partners have consistently invested in the relationship .

Invest how exactly? Romantically, I am indifferent toward my dh. I care for him as my best friend and I respect him and maybe that’s good enough. But I never had romantic feelings towards him, I want to feel that with someone during my lifetime. I want a reciprocal head over heels love affair, I want to feel weak in the knees, even if only for a short time. I have never felt that towards my dh and I never will.

Ok if you NEVER had it, then you need to leave. That isn't healthy. I can safely say you won't regret leaving if this is the case.

I have small children and feel obligated to raise them in an intact family. How is it unhealthy to stay? other than the fact I will always long for a romantic partner, I’m not happy, but I made my bed. I willingly went into this. My husband isn’t a bad guy, there’s just no spark and never has been. Where would I even begin alone, mid 40s with small kids, i am cute but am no catch. I would have to be delusional to believe that I could find a decent man at this point. I have a crush on a married man who, for all I know, is most likely madly in love with his wife.

If you never had a passionate love affair, I would just take a chance and go for it. You cannot just go to the grave without ever experiencing that.

This is one of the stupidest posts I’ve ever read on this website full of stupid posts.

No, OP, derailing your entire life for good sex is not a good idea. At least dump your husband first.

And you are not even sure the sex will be good. Lol. It would be too late when you find out if it was worth it.

Exactly, it’s all hypothetical. I fantasize about going on a date with him, where we would go, what we would do, talk about. I have it all planned out, I want to get to know him, he seems like an awesome beautiful person. But it’s all in my head, it’s an unrealistic fantasy, he could be a huge ahole in reality.

[Anonymous]

Do not blow up your life - a pretty good life! - for what might be. You need to find some spark for DH.

[Anonymous]

Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this such a taboo, forbidden thing? Why can’t I go on a date with another man and still have an intact family at home? Why can’t we have both? I feel that I can love more than one person in different ways, but it’s still love. If my dh had a gf on the side who was discrete and trustworthy and healthy I honestly don’t know if I would care or feel anything at all.

That’s something you can discuss with your DH but in reality most people could not tolerate such an arrangement.

I told my DH about a coworker crush and he practically went insane with insecurity and jealousy.

No, you’re right, it wouldn’t work, but it’s all because of feelings, jealousy and possessiveness. My dh would throw me and my belongings out into the street if I merely suggested this arrangement, I could never even mention a crush to him. On the flip side, I am terribly jealous of my crush’s wife, and constantly compare myself to her and wonder what drew them both together. I want to be better than her.