SAHMs with no retirement or college savings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem here is the ludicrous cost of college.

It’s not lazy and selfish to fail to prepare for this. We shouldn’t turn an economic problem into a moral issue.

Wow. This is an excellent point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love to know of jobs which allow you to work 8/9-2/3 and only when your kids are in school. Aside from teaching or part time admin I can't think of anything.

I'd agree with you that it is selfish for someone to fritter away money all day so their kids have to take out college loans, but don't pretend there are tons of jobs with hours that align with parents who have chosen to make themselves available when their kids are out of school.

When my kids were in elementary school, I worked those part-time hours in an architecture firm. Dropped off the kids, was in the office early, left at 2pm to pick them up. As they aged into middle school I left the office at 4pm. Now they are in high school and I leave at 530pm and pick up the slack remotely after dinner.
These types of professions and positions do exist. I cost the firm less because I didn't need any benefits so it was a bit of financial bonus for them to hire someone like me back when my hours were truly part-time.

What was your position with them?

And did you work for them full time before shifting to a lighter schedule? I’m glad you’ve found this. I hope to also.

Nope. I had a good portfolio and did the kind of work they did before I became a photographer then married and became SAHM for a time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

Statistics about retirement funds say otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haters gonna hate. I’m a SAHM of teenagers and have been for years. It works well for my family and our lifestyle.

I don’t give a flip about what strangers on the internet think I should be doing.

I have a small pension from the years that I worked, as well as a 457 plan, Vanguard IRA, and stocks. My kids each have a prepaid college tuition plan.

You do you.

People and their reading comprehension. OP is discussing a SAHM who doesn't have either of these things and worries about it. You have taken care of these things so this doesn't apply to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

Statistics about retirement funds say otherwise.

No those statistics just say that people don't usually fully fund their retirement, they don't say that the fact that retirement savings are important snuck up on them when the kids were older.

[Anonymous]

Who are you all with high schoolers and no free time on your hands? My kid leaves for school at 7:50 AM, get home from practice at 6 PM, dinner with the family, and then 2-3 hours of homework every night. Weekends are spent with friends, volunteering or working. I feel like I never see my kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm that SAHM of high school students, and I keep busy. I am in my mid 50s. My industry collapsed with the Great Recession when our kids were small and we suddenly didn't have $2500/month for childcare. We have relocated more than once for my husband's job. It was cheaper to be at home. The kids needed me there.

Our oldest is a freshman at a terrific university, and has a small student loan for this year. Parenting a well-adjusted child who launches successfully doesn't just happen; it is hard work. The transition to college has been seamless so far, she has embraced the opportunity and is happy and doing the work. Go, girl, go!

I was outside yesterday with a saw, trimming big trees. That one task would cost us $3,000 to hire that out (yes, I priced it). I cook dinners from scratch six days a week. I don't look at myself as selfish, or irresponsible at all. I am always moving, always doing, volunteering and living life. My husband of nearly 30 years tells me every day how he couldn't do this without me, and thanks me (no really).

I will have a pretty nice 401(k) in my own name in addition to other retirement funds since I manage my own stock trades on the regular, too. I log in, and get it done.

A lot of us are, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

Statistics about retirement funds say otherwise.

No those statistics just say that people don't usually fully fund their retirement, they don't say that the fact that retirement savings are important snuck up on them when the kids were older.

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2022/01/women-more-likely-than-men-to-have-no-retirement-savings.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

Statistics about retirement funds say otherwise.

No those statistics just say that people don't usually fully fund their retirement, they don't say that the fact that retirement savings are important snuck up on them when the kids were older.

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2022/01/women-more-likely-than-men-to-have-no-retirement-savings.html

Ha I can't believe I am responding this but show me in that article where it says that a significant portion of people *start* worrying about retirement when the kids are in high school? Most jobs simply don't pay enough to fully fund retirement, and a lot of people who do have jobs that could fund retirement know they are supposed to save but they don't save enough. It's not like people who have good incomes one day think "what? Retirement costs money?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all with high schoolers and no free time on your hands? My kid leaves for school at 7:50 AM, get home from practice at 6 PM, dinner with the family, and then 2-3 hours of homework every night. Weekends are spent with friends, volunteering or working. I feel like I never see my kids.

PP here - and to be clear, I mean no free time because you are parenting, not because you fill your day with volunteering, exercising, etc. I feel like cooking, emotional support and attending sport games is my primary form of parenting, and none of it is terribly time consuming (which is awesome as a working mom!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone missing the fact that the SAHM is worried about not having college tuition and retirement? If she didn't care, then whatever. But if she's talking about it, then she needs to go to work.

She does, but please know that since she has been out of the workforce for almost 18 years it'll be a crappy job.

But actually the retirement part is another bit that makes me think it's a troll. I know there must be exceptions, but most people realize they need to save for retirement before they are on cusp of becoming empty nesters.

Statistics about retirement funds say otherwise.

No those statistics just say that people don't usually fully fund their retirement, they don't say that the fact that retirement savings are important snuck up on them when the kids were older.

https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2022/01/women-more-likely-than-men-to-have-no-retirement-savings.html

Ha I can't believe I am responding this but show me in that article where it says that a significant portion of people *start* worrying about retirement when the kids are in high school? Most jobs simply don't pay enough to fully fund retirement, and a lot of people who do have jobs that could fund retirement know they are supposed to save but they don't save enough. It's not like people who have good incomes one day think "what? Retirement costs money?"

Where did it say that the SAHM just started worrying about this? Just because it’s the first time OP heard it doesn’t mean it’s a new thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all with high schoolers and no free time on your hands? My kid leaves for school at 7:50 AM, get home from practice at 6 PM, dinner with the family, and then 2-3 hours of homework every night. Weekends are spent with friends, volunteering or working. I feel like I never see my kids.

PP here - and to be clear, I mean no free time because you are parenting, not because you fill your day with volunteering, exercising, etc. I feel like cooking, emotional support and attending sport games is my primary form of parenting, and none of it is terribly time consuming (which is awesome as a working mom!)

I am not sure who you are responding to (not sure which parent of high schoolers have no free time because they are too busy parenting?), but for me, being a parent of kids in school (they are in elementary and middle) isn't actually that much different from parenting kids who aren't in school. Most of what I do as a stay at home parenting isn't intensive time with my kids (though a good chunk of it is). I do things so that we don't have to outsource and we don't have to do them on the weekends or after school. So I'm getting our tires rotated, going to my own medical appointments, deep cleaning the floors, etc. All the same things people with jobs do but during the 9 months school is in session, I do them during the school day, and after school is hang out time with the kids. Of course I do have more free time (which I'm using to try to get a job), but having the kids in school is honestly not freeing up my time as much as I thought it would.

I am curious how it will be when my kids are in high school. I don't think they will be as busy as yours are since they aren't into school sports.

[Anonymous]

As a working mom, what pisses me off is that all the sahms want to come back to work at 40 making the same income as everyone else who has 15 years of experience. No way. You have to start from the bottom and work your way up like the rest of us did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all with high schoolers and no free time on your hands? My kid leaves for school at 7:50 AM, get home from practice at 6 PM, dinner with the family, and then 2-3 hours of homework every night. Weekends are spent with friends, volunteering or working. I feel like I never see my kids.

PP here - and to be clear, I mean no free time because you are parenting, not because you fill your day with volunteering, exercising, etc. I feel like cooking, emotional support and attending sport games is my primary form of parenting, and none of it is terribly time consuming (which is awesome as a working mom!)

I am not sure who you are responding to (not sure which parent of high schoolers have no free time because they are too busy parenting?), but for me, being a parent of kids in school (they are in elementary and middle) isn't actually that much different from parenting kids who aren't in school. Most of what I do as a stay at home parenting isn't intensive time with my kids (though a good chunk of it is). I do things so that we don't have to outsource and we don't have to do them on the weekends or after school. So I'm getting our tires rotated, going to my own medical appointments, deep cleaning the floors, etc. All the same things people with jobs do but during the 9 months school is in session, I do them during the school day, and after school is hang out time with the kids. Of course I do have more free time (which I'm using to try to get a job), but having the kids in school is honestly not freeing up my time as much as I thought it would.

I am curious how it will be when my kids are in high school. I don't think they will be as busy as yours are since they aren't into school sports.

I am responding to those mentioning child care costs or the husband having a demanding job. The latter is an issue, but not one that would keep me from finding part time work if I was worried about funding retirement or college. The former really shouldn’t be a factor by HS age.

Your kids will be gone a lot in HS even if they aren’t doing sports. Clubs, friends, etc. definitely become a priority for most kids. Enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Even stupider is paying 60k for an out of state public university, including and especially the UC schools.