SAHMs with no retirement or college savings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

Similar here. My parents saved nothing. So they had or earned too much for me to get financial aid yet didn’t have any college savings.

As a result, I had no choice in colleges. It all worked out yet I’d been accepted to other schools I would have liked to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I swear you people are among the most gullible or the Internet. The OP is trolling. She made this up. Don’t people have better things to do with a Friday night?

Omg. You are so right. I fell for it!!

[Anonymous]

What’s interesting to me is that a lot of SAHMs don’t seem to realize they aren’t contributing to retirement. They will often say their husband is saving in other accounts, but they don’t recognize how the benefit of a 401k is bankruptcy, tax deferred etc. They also don’t seem to understand that their husband’s 401k is only in his name. My own mother stayed home and I have power of attorney for my dad. She can’t even call up the brokerage firm to make a transaction since her name isn’t on the account. SAHms are truly screwed on the retirement front.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

You could have gone to community college and then transfer to public university; also work in the summer. But I bet you spent 4 years partying in college and accumulated all this debt. Irresponsible of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Totally agree. It always amazes me how parents are sending their kids to college far away to study most of the time for degrees like sociology, biology or so that could easily be finished in the nearest town for 80% less. I am an immigrant who went to community college, then in-state college while working around the clock and paid cash for each semester. I was debt free and got a job that pays me 100K annually. I had no help from my parents whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ll, people just prioritize different things. Your friend prioritizes being home with kids over paying for college. I don’t think it’s selfish or not. I definitely don’t personally find any good reason why a woman would stay home bar a child with severe disabilities (even the ones w 7 figure husbands, but it doesn’t matter what I think. Every person gets to make their own life choices and set their own priorities.

I still have young kids so I stay home. My Dh works an inflexible job and long hours to earn that seven figures.

I plan to go back to work in some capacity when kids are in school full time.

So you’re in a completely different position from this woman and yet feel qualified to judge her. Cool cool cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

Would the education benefit were transferable to other universities? My BIL is a professor and his kids will get free tuition where he works, or some portion of tuition covered at a large number of universities. Once my youngest is in kindergarten I am definitely looking into university jobs more, though I fear many would still expect me to work full time or early full time during the summers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

PP here. I agree. But the average estimated cost of attendance for a state school in Virginia is 25K for tuition, room, and board. That is 200K for two kids, and the cost of tuition continues to outpace inflation so who knows what it will be when my kids are in school. We had kids when we were younger so there was no way we were contributing to a 504 plan when they were toddlers. I think we will be able to afford it's not like going to a state school is going to solve everything. I imagine that OP's "friend" (again I call troll) isn't thinking about an expensive private college for her kids. She probably just thought that if you don't go to an expensive college, scholarships and minimal federal loans and a bit of help from parents will do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

OMG yes. I guess I don't know where you are and I can't move, but if the commute wasn't unmanageable I would do it and I bet a lot of others in my position would as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was like this. It was really annoying. They then refused to pay for college but I had to pick up their tab due to the expected family contribution and due to my dad's income, I could not get grants. My dad was not loaded but had enough that I was not grant eligible. I took out private loans at 9% and had 70k in debt from undergrad in 1999.

It really derailed my adult life. I did okay but I could have done better if I did not have that debt because I felt I could not consider professional school. It took all the joy out of my 20s...I worked 3 jobs until 33 to pay it off.

I felt my mom was lazy and had no excuse.

I will never every do that to my kids.

I work full time and have since they were born.

You should’ve gone to a state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

OMG yes. I guess I don't know where you are and I can't move, but if the commute wasn't unmanageable I would do it and I bet a lot of others in my position would as well.

That is interesting to hear! Someone asked if the tuition benefit transfers- yes, there are other participating universities that have a tuition exchange with GWU (easy to google). However, to my knowledge those are usually granted to employees by longevity and many are 20+ years in, so it definitely is not guaranteed. There several postings on indeed now (or through GWU directly, on-site is Rockville, MD). I'm reviewing a lot of the ones through indeed now, and would definitely consider someone with a kick ass cover letter. I'd prefer someone who would stay 5+ years compared with our usual attrition for the position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

OMG yes. I guess I don't know where you are and I can't move, but if the commute wasn't unmanageable I would do it and I bet a lot of others in my position would as well.

That is interesting to hear! Someone asked if the tuition benefit transfers- yes, there are other participating universities that have a tuition exchange with GWU (easy to google). However, to my knowledge those are usually granted to employees by longevity and many are 20+ years in, so it definitely is not guaranteed. There several postings on indeed now (or through GWU directly, on-site is Rockville, MD). I'm reviewing a lot of the ones through indeed now, and would definitely consider someone with a kick ass cover letter. I'd prefer someone who would stay 5+ years compared with our usual attrition for the position.

Thank you for this info! I'll start looking down this road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you're a troll, but I'l answer why I probably won't go back to work even though I might not even be able to pay for tuition at a state school.

I have applied to many, many jobs, and I can't get any that will work with a flexible-ish schedule that would actually make a decent amount of money. I am being picky, I know, but I would like medical and maybe 60K. The only thing I can think of that would get me some marketable skills are going back to school (which would require money upfront) or doing something very low-paying in the hopes that it would eventually lead to something more. I'm not sure I'd be better off doing that than I would be focusing on saving money at home.

Right now, I like being able to do all my home tasks while the kids are at school so we can all just chill on the weekends, and I like spending after-school time with my kids since they are going to be gone so soon. At this point I'm not going to get a job that wouldn't let me do those things so they can go to a more expensive school. That is just my choice.

Also, some people don't realize just how expensive college has become. They think that the way to afford college is pretty much the same as what it was when they went, and that every single person complaining about student loans is just an idiot who went to a college that can change lives for a degree in gender studies.

Going to an expensive private college is not worth it for 80% of people. Just attend in state college. If my parents saved 300k for me for college, I would ask them to give me 200k of that for a down payment on a first house. Forget paying 50-70k a year for college, that is BS.

Would you work a flexible(ish) schedule (35 hours/week, 3 days from home) for $40k/year with medical and free college tuition for your kids? I work for a university and we always hire recent undergrads for a research assistant position, although they rarely stay past a couple years- they use the education benefit for grad school then move on. Wondering if we should rethink our hiring strategy.

OMG yes. I guess I don't know where you are and I can't move, but if the commute wasn't unmanageable I would do it and I bet a lot of others in my position would as well.

That is interesting to hear! Someone asked if the tuition benefit transfers- yes, there are other participating universities that have a tuition exchange with GWU (easy to google). However, to my knowledge those are usually granted to employees by longevity and many are 20+ years in, so it definitely is not guaranteed. There several postings on indeed now (or through GWU directly, on-site is Rockville, MD). I'm reviewing a lot of the ones through indeed now, and would definitely consider someone with a kick ass cover letter. I'd prefer someone who would stay 5+ years compared with our usual attrition for the position.

But please double check the tuition benefits- way back in the day when I started it was immediate for family members, but there could be a lag now...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a few women like this. They leaned out to SAH with babies and then did soccer and such for ES aged kids. But then never...work again. HS kids don't need you to be there for them when they get home from school - they have their own lives. These moms get used to a semi-cushy life of yoga and tennis and just hanging out at home. They don't have husbands with the type of jobs where corporate level entertaining or travel are in the mix, not to mention the salaries that go along with that.

Even with outdated resumes they could get some type of not-horrible work in retail or admin, but choose not to. Then they wring their hands over looming college expenses and retirement.

I don’t think anyone should be judging. What if there is a couple where the husband is not as “hands on” with kids and household duties. I would love to go back full time but my husband doesn’t help at all around the house or with the kids games, homework, family socials, etc and I would part time. If I go full time, I would be doing it all and that’s just not fair.