Neighbors who don’t say hi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

+1. My experience, as well. I chalked it up to (1) the DMV has a high percentage of professionally-striving but socially-stunted people; and (2) the DMV is an area where you cannot turn around without bumping into five people, standing in a line, or waiting in traffic no matter where you go. My theory is that the people here put up additional fences/personal space around themselves as a way of blocking out all the continual people "noise" -- and maybe they don't even realize they're doing it. It is impossible to get away from people around here, no matter where you go. Not saying "hi" might be a way of saying "I can't deal with dealing with more people" without saying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White people love “privacy”

Here we go with this race baiting crap again.

You’re so easily baited!

[Anonymous]

No one says “Hi” in NYC unless you explicitly know them. People live in the same apartment building for years and years and will ignore each other!

Most urban areas are like this. If you want friend, get a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

You have not lived in Ny or the NE then. They make Washingtonians look nice.

Lame attempt at deflection. Actually, contrary to popular opinion, New Yorkers are some of the best people around. And, while some in the NE are not overtly warm, they are better on average than many in DC. Judging from some of the hostile replies on this forum, it appears DC attracts a lot of negative + unfriendly people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

+1. My experience, as well. I chalked it up to (1) the DMV has a high percentage of professionally-striving but socially-stunted people; and (2) the DMV is an area where you cannot turn around without bumping into five people, standing in a line, or waiting in traffic no matter where you go. My theory is that the people here put up additional fences/personal space around themselves as a way of blocking out all the continual people "noise" -- and maybe they don't even realize they're doing it. It is impossible to get away from people around here, no matter where you go. Not saying "hi" might be a way of saying "I can't deal with dealing with more people" without saying it.

Yea no. NOVA is no Paris, Lagos or Tokyo. Americans have tons of space. In their stores, transportation, streets, markets. Plus half those people work from home. They are just totally self-absorbed and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one says “Hi” in NYC unless you explicitly know them. People live in the same apartment building for years and years and will ignore each other!

Most urban areas are like this. If you want friend, get a dog.

I disagree. I lived in NYC for over a decade — and in the buildings where I lived, in stores, and even on the street, people usually spoke to each other, more often than not. NYC is one of the friendliest places I’ve lived. Maybe I just lived in unusually friendly neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one says “Hi” in NYC unless you explicitly know them. People live in the same apartment building for years and years and will ignore each other!

Most urban areas are like this. If you want friend, get a dog.

I disagree. I lived in NYC for over a decade — and in the buildings where I lived, in stores, and even on the street, people usually spoke to each other, more often than not. NYC is one of the friendliest places I’ve lived. Maybe I just lived in unusually friendly neighborhoods.

NYC is definitely friendlier. I have lived in NY, LA, London and DC.
DC is the WORST place in the entire world for uptight, passive-aggressive, non-hello people.

Last week I was walking my dog down an otherwise empty street - a large man was watering his plants with his back to me, as I passed he turned and stared. I said "good morning". He continued to stare, in silence, so I said "GOOD MORNING" and nodded, in case he was deaf / wearing ear buds. He turned away. What a f88ker. I give up.

[Anonymous]

We had to stay with my in-laws in Chicago while our house was being fixed and I got to talking with their next door neighbor about a guy to do our windows. At the end of the conversation he asked "what are their names anyway?" 30 years next to each other and they'd never so much as exchanged names.

[Anonymous]

Introvert here. I do always force myself to say hi, but I would absolutely love it if it was not the expectation. I'm sure this sounds strange to many of you, but those little social interactions drain me of energy throughout the day. It's not just in the neighborhood, it's at the grocery store, the office hallways, picking up the kids at the bus stop . . . it adds up to me feeling like I am constantly "on" when that is difficult and eventually really tiring for me. But, I care about being polite and even friendly, so I try my best to always smile and say hi.

[Anonymous]

If they said hi would you leave it at that? Or would you persist with small talk?

[Anonymous]

I ignore some people - the nosy lady who always quizzes me about my kids, the folk who are rude and block our mailbox, the family who doesn’t acknowledge ‘hi’s, the fossipy lady who always talks about somebody else, the realtor who is trying to get my business. So it’s a combination of people who don’t want to talk to me and who I don’t want to talk to. I acknowledge the neighbor with dogs who says a quick hi and moves on, the man who waves at me through his car and rolls on, the mom whose kid is in my kid’s class but not friends with my kid or me. I am looking for quick, non-committal hellos and waves. Not looking for a full on social event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

From 2012-2017, we had a horrible experience with multiple nosy, boundary-crossing neighbors. To the point that two of my kids were really freaked out by how intrusive these neighbors were. We moved and have been standoffish every since. We’ll wave, but don’t want to have any verbal interaction for fear that it seems like an invitation to have a conversation. Some day, we’ll get over the stalkerish neighbors of the past, but my kids are ultra private teens now and still chary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

From 2012-2017, we had a horrible experience with multiple nosy, boundary-crossing neighbors. To the point that two of my kids were really freaked out by how intrusive these neighbors were. We moved and have been standoffish every since. We’ll wave, but don’t want to have any verbal interaction for fear that it seems like an invitation to have a conversation. Some day, we’ll get over the stalkerish neighbors of the past, but my kids are ultra private teens now and still chary.[/quote

This is pretty much what we have decided. Our issue was that it was not just one neighbor, it was 3 of them who hang out together and live close to us. It devolved to the extent that I’d rather be thought of as stand-offish instead of singling these people out. We now start at a baseline of polite but standoffish and don’t encourage closeness. It has worked out well because a lot of the houses have turned over to younger couples who will likely live here for a while. So, it made sense to establish boundaries at the get go.

[Anonymous]

I agree that their behavior is unusual & I would be curious if I were you too.

My only guess is that maybe they had a bad experience prior w/becoming too friendly w/some of their previous neighbors so now they just may be a little jaded….??

[Anonymous]

I don't like talking to one of the neighbor because she is really loud. So, I stay away from her. I might wave and say hi. But, I highly doubt she can hear me. I can hear her shouting often when she is in her back yard and we are sitting in the front of our house.
Since she moved in, bad energy has been around the street. It just feels like more activities, traffic, all types of service cars in front of her house. When she talks, she's the only one that talks loud, and you think she is the only one talking but others are talking in groups and you don't hear any outbursts.

Everyone else talks to each other. It could also be me. I like a bit of quiet.