Neighbors who don’t say hi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a very creepy neighbor who never really says hello unless she wants something, like an internship for her son. So she will engage me in a really long, boring story about having lived on the street for 35+ years that I've heard before then she will make some stupid attempt at flattery, like how lovely my hair is (please) or how gorgeous my daughter is (again, please). Then she pounces with her "ask". Its a dog and pony show I've seen so many times in the past 5 years. I can't wait to move away.

DC has a lot of min/max people. Squeeze every nickel for a dime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

+1. My experience, as well. I chalked it up to (1) the DMV has a high percentage of professionally-striving but socially-stunted people; and (2) the DMV is an area where you cannot turn around without bumping into five people, standing in a line, or waiting in traffic no matter where you go. My theory is that the people here put up additional fences/personal space around themselves as a way of blocking out all the continual people "noise" -- and maybe they don't even realize they're doing it. It is impossible to get away from people around here, no matter where you go. Not saying "hi" might be a way of saying "I can't deal with dealing with more people" without saying it.

Yea no. NOVA is no Paris, Lagos or Tokyo. Americans have tons of space. In their stores, transportation, streets, markets. Plus half those people work from home. They are just totally self-absorbed and rude.

Good analyses!

[Anonymous]

Reading this makes me wonder if my neighbors think I'm rude too. I can't see too well when I'm in the car (neighbor's car may have driven by while I'm going opposite direction to them but I cannot see the person inside and whether they waved or not) and I don't wave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reading this makes me wonder if my neighbors think I'm rude too. I can't see too well when I'm in the car (neighbor's car may have driven by while I'm going opposite direction to them but I cannot see the person inside and whether they waved or not) and I don't wave.

Should you be driving?

[Anonymous]

My DH and I were just talking about this. It’s not all our neighbors— we have lots of friendly neighbors. One thing I like about my DC neighborhood is the mix of old and young, people of varying backgrounds, and the culture of getting to know one another on our stoops, in the alley, etc.

However, since we had a kid a few years ago we’ve noticed something weird: people with similar aged children are often oddly unfriendly when walking around the neighborhood. We’ve made friends with other families at storytimes and via my moms group, and slowly we’ve made friends through school. But a very common experience for us us walking around our neighborhood with our DC, passing a family with a child within a few years of our child’s age, and smiling or saying hello only to be greeted with a blank stare.

It’s really strange. Often the kids will wave or say high to each other while the parents just act like we don’t exist. At this point, I’m less offended than confused. To me this is a no brainer, an obvious way to develop some familiarity with neighborhood families. I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH and I were just talking about this. It’s not all our neighbors— we have lots of friendly neighbors. One thing I like about my DC neighborhood is the mix of old and young, people of varying backgrounds, and the culture of getting to know one another on our stoops, in the alley, etc.

However, since we had a kid a few years ago we’ve noticed something weird: people with similar aged children are often oddly unfriendly when walking around the neighborhood. We’ve made friends with other families at storytimes and via my moms group, and slowly we’ve made friends through school. But a very common experience for us us walking around our neighborhood with our DC, passing a family with a child within a few years of our child’s age, and smiling or saying hello only to be greeted with a blank stare.

It’s really strange. Often the kids will wave or say high to each other while the parents just act like we don’t exist. At this point, I’m less offended than confused. To me this is a no brainer, an obvious way to develop some familiarity with neighborhood families. I don’t get it.

Your child is competition for resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

This. Introverted should not be used as an excuse to be rude.

Returning a hello is not draining. Get over yourself. And yes, I'm an introvert and so is my spouse.

I'm an introvert as well and I always say and return hellos. In fact, I find these interactions to be a relief because I know that they will be quick and exactly what is expected of them.

Now, if you're going to be chatty, that's another story (I'll probably wait for you to go back inside your house before I come out...).

Haha. This is what I was thinking! OP, I could have started this thread. I have dogs and take walks daily in my neighborhood. I am surprised at the lengths people go to avoid eye contact. But I am *stunned*when I say hello and it is ignored. Sometimes I am so annoyed that I repeat the hello, just so the person can't pretend he/she didn't hear. That works fifty percent of the time. I never start the interaction with machiavellian intent... it's just that, we're neighbors! I am out walking my dog, I am happy. I feel the urge to say hello.

I am an introvert AND a New Englander.