Neighbors who don’t say hi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

You have not lived in Ny or the NE then. They make Washingtonians look nice.

I don’t think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

People are constantly moving in and leaving here. My SC neighbors would be the same for 20 years. I know someone who rents who has moved three times in five years in this area. You think their neighbors want to get to know every set of new couples in and out?

I grew up here. People moved a lot back then, too. Back in the day, people were not as weird as they are now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

This. Introverted should not be used as an excuse to be rude.

Returning a hello is not draining. Get over yourself. And yes, I'm an introvert and so is my spouse.

[Anonymous]

They’re weird and rude but who cares. Just keep waving and saying hello and move on with your life. If there’s no other conflict, why would you worry about this beyond shrugging your shoulders and moving on?

[Anonymous]

Agree OP! It's one thing not to want/solicit/be amenable to chit chat. But a quick wave or a hello? Seems easy and basic manners to me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

OP, you sound like my wife. We live in a very large neighborhood and come across people exactly like you describe. They deliberately look away or it's a big struggle to get a nod or hello. It bugs my wife a lot, I find their behavior odd too but I shrug it off easier. She often asks me what their problem is and I tell her that perhaps they are just awkward socially or on the spectrum.

If I come across someone like this, someone who is obviously avoiding even a minor interaction, then I completely ignore them from that moment on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

People are constantly moving in and leaving here. My SC neighbors would be the same for 20 years. I know someone who rents who has moved three times in five years in this area. You think their neighbors want to get to know every set of new couples in and out?

I grew up here. People moved a lot back then, too. Back in the day, people were not as weird as they are now.

This makes no sense. I wave and say hello to everyone I pass on the street in our neighborhood, because it’s quiet and you don’t pass that many people. That’s not getting to know them at all. I have no idea who most of them are.

[Anonymous]

They’re probably just shy and a little socially awkward, I would try not to take it personally. Maybe they want to be friendlier but don’t quite know how, or they had a bad experience in a past neighborhood and are inclined to keep their guard up somewhat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably just shy and a little socially awkward, I would try not to take it personally. Maybe they want to be friendlier but don’t quite know how, or they had a bad experience in a past neighborhood and are inclined to keep their guard up somewhat.

Stop making excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably just shy and a little socially awkward, I would try not to take it personally. Maybe they want to be friendlier but don’t quite know how, or they had a bad experience in a past neighborhood and are inclined to keep their guard up somewhat.

Stop making excuses.

Yup, they are evolutionary dead ends.

[Anonymous]

Neighborhoods are safer when residents at least acknowledge their neighbors.

You want someone to call 911 if you are assaulted on the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

This. Introverted should not be used as an excuse to be rude.

Returning a hello is not draining. Get over yourself. And yes, I'm an introvert and so is my spouse.

I'm an introvert as well and I always say and return hellos. In fact, I find these interactions to be a relief because I know that they will be quick and exactly what is expected of them.

Now, if you're going to be chatty, that's another story (I'll probably wait for you to go back inside your house before I come out...).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

+1000

They're not interested in interacting with you. Let it go. Maybe they think your insistence on talking to them when they're showing you that they're not interested is creepy, and that's why they avoid you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This drives me nuts. I've found hi-saying has declined to almost nothing in the WotP neighborhood I grew up in and it makes me sad and honestly kind of angry. I have been known to stop in the middle of the sidewalk as I'm entering my mom's house and smile and wave until I get an acknowledgment. Don't really give a damn if people think I'm crazy.

In my EotP neighborhood, everbody waves and/or says hi.

Code for "I need attention at all times and will make a scene if I don't get it!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

I’ll try this again. I suggested several reasons why someone might not speak — and tried to also make the point that not speaking back to an insistent neighbor is not necessarily rude. If some of you want to assume that “speaking” is somehow a universal practice, that’s fine. Just know that this belief might not be shared.

YMMV, of course. The first neighbor who “spoke” back to me when I moved to a new neighborhood was also the one who followed me muttering “shvartze” —when I refused to comply with her other insistent expectations. I’m more concerned about people like the OP — who can’t simply content herself with a cheerful wave, than I am about the neighbors who just want to live their lives unbadgered.

Again: Different people do different things and have different expectations— and that really is ok.