Neighbors who don’t say hi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

I wouldn't call it social anxiety. I used to be a teacher and socialized all day long, when I came home and parked in my driveway I wanted to immediately go into my home, jump into my pajamas, veg out and be in silence.

So when I would drive into my drive way and saw he was out mowing, I was like "crap", I don't have any energy to fake smile and wave to another person today but I will for the sake of being neighborly.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure one of our neighbors is a drug dealer. They get about 30 visitors a day. Our neighborhood is about one third homeowners and two thirds renters.
When I see someone walking or driving down our street, I don't know if they are actual neighbors or people going to the drug dealer house. Since I am not keen on becoming friendly with addicts, I just pretend I don't see all the traffic in my neighborhood.

Another of our neighbors likes to sit on her porch to talk on her cellphone. That is fine, but I have become accustomed to, if I hear someone talking while I am outside, I assume it is my neighbor talking on her phone.

I don't wear my glasses while I am at home. Therefore anything more than about 30 feet away is kind of blurry.

When I am doing something outside that is going to take a while (yard work, wash car, etc), I listen to audiobooks while working. If someone wants to engage in anything more than just a wave, I have to stop what I am doing, take off my gardening gloves, find the pause button for my audiobook, then say, "what?". Then the neighbor starts all over again with whatever they wanted to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

I wouldn't call it social anxiety. I used to be a teacher and socialized all day long, when I came home and parked in my driveway I wanted to immediately go into my home, jump into my pajamas, veg out and be in silence.

So when I would drive into my drive way and saw he was out mowing, I was like "crap", I don't have any energy to fake smile and wave to another person today but I will for the sake of being neighborly.

Basically, it's nice if you are the type that can consistently do it and even want to do it. But some of us are carrying different loads where we just don't want to. But absolutely, it is not an insult or hate of any type towards you personally. But as you can see the ones who would like it see it as an insult if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

I wouldn't call it social anxiety. I used to be a teacher and socialized all day long, when I came home and parked in my driveway I wanted to immediately go into my home, jump into my pajamas, veg out and be in silence.

So when I would drive into my drive way and saw he was out mowing, I was like "crap", I don't have any energy to fake smile and wave to another person today but I will for the sake of being neighborly.

Basically, it's nice if you are the type that can consistently do it and even want to do it. But some of us are carrying different loads where we just don't want to. But absolutely, it is not an insult or hate of any type towards you personally. But as you can see the ones who would like it see it as an insult if you don't.

So there in lies the mental gymnastics I have to do, because I know you would like it, I know I wouldn't but I know you'll take it personally.

[Anonymous]

OP, Please don't take it personally.
Think about getting into an elevator, most people don't say hi; that's almost as close as it gets (we can smell their breath at times, right?).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

You have not lived in Ny or the NE then. They make Washingtonians look nice.

Disagree completely, having lived in NYC and DC.

The NYC locals are the best!

The DC area locals are all p*ssed off at nothing, and pride themselves on being "introverts", which is code for "mental issues".

[Anonymous]

OP if you are going around toting your guns and have trump signs everywhere, no one is going to say hi and be friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Please don't take it personally.
Think about getting into an elevator, most people don't say hi; that's almost as close as it gets (we can smell their breath at times, right?).

Really? Every person I have ever gotten in an elevator has said something nice to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, Please don't take it personally.
Think about getting into an elevator, most people don't say hi; that's almost as close as it gets (we can smell their breath at times, right?).

Really? Every person I have ever gotten in an elevator has said something nice to me.

That would freak me out. Elevators are no-talking zones except to ask what floor they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This drives me nuts. I've found hi-saying has declined to almost nothing in the WotP neighborhood I grew up in and it makes me sad and honestly kind of angry. I have been known to stop in the middle of the sidewalk as I'm entering my mom's house and smile and wave until I get an acknowledgment. Don't really give a damn if people think I'm crazy.

In my EotP neighborhood, everbody waves and/or says hi.

It's great that you "don't really give a damn" because yeah, this would make me think you're absolutely desperate for attention and/or disturbed. Either = ignore.

[Anonymous]

Introvert here. If you don't look otherwise occupied I'll usually smile and say hi... most respond in kind, some don't. If I don't get a response I assume that they're focusing on one of a million possible things that have nothing to do with me. For better or worse, people in this area are really busy and I don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

I wouldn't call it social anxiety. I used to be a teacher and socialized all day long, when I came home and parked in my driveway I wanted to immediately go into my home, jump into my pajamas, veg out and be in silence.

So when I would drive into my drive way and saw he was out mowing, I was like "crap", I don't have any energy to fake smile and wave to another person today but I will for the sake of being neighborly.

Okay, I just don't think smiling and waving takes any energy. I drive by in my car and lift my hand to the neighbor walking their dog and a smile crosses my lips for a fleeting second. It's just automatic. I think it's interesting people are giving scenarios like this any thought at all.

That said, if I waved and smiled and you never did it back I would also not give it much thought and would just stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

I wouldn't call it social anxiety. I used to be a teacher and socialized all day long, when I came home and parked in my driveway I wanted to immediately go into my home, jump into my pajamas, veg out and be in silence.

So when I would drive into my drive way and saw he was out mowing, I was like "crap", I don't have any energy to fake smile and wave to another person today but I will for the sake of being neighborly.

Okay, I just don't think smiling and waving takes any energy. I drive by in my car and lift my hand to the neighbor walking their dog and a smile crosses my lips for a fleeting second. It's just automatic. I think it's interesting people are giving scenarios like this any thought at all.

That said, if I waved and smiled and you never did it back I would also not give it much thought and would just stop.

But most of the posters in this thread will spend hours agonizing over this "incident" and finally post here to ask what they did wrong and will this be held against them.

[Anonymous]

I have a very creepy neighbor who never really says hello unless she wants something, like an internship for her son. So she will engage me in a really long, boring story about having lived on the street for 35+ years that I've heard before then she will make some stupid attempt at flattery, like how lovely my hair is (please) or how gorgeous my daughter is (again, please). Then she pounces with her "ask". Its a dog and pony show I've seen so many times in the past 5 years. I can't wait to move away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is a DC thing. Weird people here. I have not lived anywhere else where neighbors are so strained to say hello.

You have not lived in Ny or the NE then. They make Washingtonians look nice.

Lame attempt at deflection. Actually, contrary to popular opinion, New Yorkers are some of the best people around. And, while some in the NE are not overtly warm, they are better on average than many in DC. Judging from some of the hostile replies on this forum, it appears DC attracts a lot of negative + unfriendly people.

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