Neighbors who don’t say hi?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

I’ll try this again. I suggested several reasons why someone might not speak — and tried to also make the point that not speaking back to an insistent neighbor is not necessarily rude. If some of you want to assume that “speaking” is somehow a universal practice, that’s fine. Just know that this belief might not be shared.

YMMV, of course. The first neighbor who “spoke” back to me when I moved to a new neighborhood was also the one who followed me muttering “shvartze” —when I refused to comply with her other insistent expectations. I’m more concerned about people like the OP — who can’t simply content herself with a cheerful wave, than I am about the neighbors who just want to live their lives unbadgered.

Again: Different people do different things and have different expectations— and that really is ok.

Characterizing a person who says hello to you or waves at you, which is what the OP described, as "insistent" is bizarre. The OP described a person who can't even be bothered to wave back.

You one time having an obnoxious neighbor does not make this thought process at all normal.

That’s fine. But repeatedly talking to someone you don’t really know, and repeatedly ignoring all of the indications that this person does not want to interact with you in this way is not at all normal or healthy either. Different people are different and that’s ok.

Then why can’t you get over different people being different if it’s okay?

[Anonymous]

I have spent thousands of dollars dealing with damage caused by neighbors on either side of me when they were renovating their houses and yards. If you think I am going to acknowledge their existence, hell to the no.

They never offered to replace my fence that they removed, the retaining wall they crushed by having heavy equipment run over it, or ruining gardens with mud runoff and having workers trample my mother's Black Eyed Susans and making life noisy and dirty for two years.

[Anonymous]

My brothers in laws lived in a block on Long Island for 35 years. I went over on moving date to help a bit and also move stuff they were giving to brother.

I recall moving truck pulled up had car packed as moving to Florida. They then said to themselves out loud anything we forgot to do.

I said maybe say goodbye neighbors. He said I don’t know anyone on block.

Turns out no one on block talked. He had a neighbor 35 years on two sides and never spoke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

I’ll try this again. I suggested several reasons why someone might not speak — and tried to also make the point that not speaking back to an insistent neighbor is not necessarily rude. If some of you want to assume that “speaking” is somehow a universal practice, that’s fine. Just know that this belief might not be shared.

YMMV, of course. The first neighbor who “spoke” back to me when I moved to a new neighborhood was also the one who followed me muttering “shvartze” —when I refused to comply with her other insistent expectations. I’m more concerned about people like the OP — who can’t simply content herself with a cheerful wave, than I am about the neighbors who just want to live their lives unbadgered.

Again: Different people do different things and have different expectations— and that really is ok.

Characterizing a person who says hello to you or waves at you, which is what the OP described, as "insistent" is bizarre. The OP described a person who can't even be bothered to wave back.

You one time having an obnoxious neighbor does not make this thought process at all normal.

That’s fine. But repeatedly talking to someone you don’t really know, and repeatedly ignoring all of the indications that this person does not want to interact with you in this way is not at all normal or healthy either. Different people are different and that’s ok.

Then why can’t you get over different people being different if it’s okay?

I can. The OP asked for possible explanations— and I provided a few. People decided to push back, and I responded. I’m fine with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

I am introverted in fact I am extremely introverted but I Will always return a hello and always return a greeting. I don’t think being introverted is a good excuse for being rude.

I would like to hear from other introverted people About their behavior and experiences. I can’t pretend to speak for everybody.

I’ll try this again. I suggested several reasons why someone might not speak — and tried to also make the point that not speaking back to an insistent neighbor is not necessarily rude. If some of you want to assume that “speaking” is somehow a universal practice, that’s fine. Just know that this belief might not be shared.

YMMV, of course. The first neighbor who “spoke” back to me when I moved to a new neighborhood was also the one who followed me muttering “shvartze” —when I refused to comply with her other insistent expectations. I’m more concerned about people like the OP — who can’t simply content herself with a cheerful wave, than I am about the neighbors who just want to live their lives unbadgered.

Again: Different people do different things and have different expectations— and that really is ok.

Characterizing a person who says hello to you or waves at you, which is what the OP described, as "insistent" is bizarre. The OP described a person who can't even be bothered to wave back.

You one time having an obnoxious neighbor does not make this thought process at all normal.

That’s fine. But repeatedly talking to someone you don’t really know, and repeatedly ignoring all of the indications that this person does not want to interact with you in this way is not at all normal or healthy either. Different people are different and that’s ok.

Then why can’t you get over different people being different if it’s okay?

I can. The OP asked for possible explanations— and I provided a few. People decided to push back, and I responded. I’m fine with that.

No, you have a problem with it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people don't like their neighbors. Your neighbors could be slobs or hoarders or put Trump signs on the lawn. Neighbors don't have to like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people don't like their neighbors. Your neighbors could be slobs or hoarders or put Trump signs on the lawn. Neighbors don't have to like you.

Or put up biden signs while he naps with his face in his oatmeal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people don't like their neighbors. Your neighbors could be slobs or hoarders or put Trump signs on the lawn. Neighbors don't have to like you.

You’ve shown that you would be a neighbor no one would like.

[Anonymous]

I am one of the non-hi sayers. I don’t have the energy to engage with others all the time. Our street is busy, lots of folk working outdoors, kids playing etc. If I said ‘hi’
Yo everybody I ran into, I’d never make it out of the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different people do different things in different ways. Some people are introverts. Some people have lived in communities where speaking to people that you don’t know — or don’t want to know — is strongly discouraged, and “minding your own business “ is the expectation. Perhaps she finds your insistent behavior
as “bizarre” as you find hers. Why are you so determined to be intrusive? It’s also quite possible that there are specific reasons why this woman is reluctant to interact with you. It’s impossible to tell on an anonymous forum whether this says more about her, more about you, or more about the two of you.
tldr: Please leave this woman alone since she clearly is not interested in your fervent “friendliness. Or, better yet, stay out of her space, wave if you wish, but restrain your expectations — which she really doesn’t have to meet in order to live peacefully and comfortably in the community of your cul de sac.

I say this as someone who speaks to people, but gets that not everybody does this — or wants to.

Great advice here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of the non-hi sayers. I don’t have the energy to engage with others all the time. Our street is busy, lots of folk working outdoors, kids playing etc. If I said ‘hi’
Yo everybody I ran into, I’d never make it out of the street.

Okay drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will admit that I like saying hi to neighbors. I don’t want to be best friends but we live in a low traffic area. Nodding hello makes this area feel smaller. I recognize that not everyone wants to say to everyone who passes their path, that’s fine.

We have one neighbor who lives in our small cul de sac and still does not want to say hi, even if we are very close physically. This is beyond bizarre to me. I’m not a random person from 3 streets over. We met each other when we moved in and then I would say hi after that and they would reluctantly wave. They will not acknowledge at all if someone else doesn’t initiate and even then it’s perfunctory. sometimes they will even ignore that. They have young kids and otherwise seem like regular people. I am still determining if this is particular to me or everyone.

Can someone help me understand the psychology? I really don’t get it and would like to understand. It would make my day worse to be so sour. Or do they tune out other people somehow and that gives them peace? Or do they not like me for some reason?

I don't really like doing it because it becomes required and I have to constantly do this dance in my mind whenever I see you. I would rather just make the interaction less personal and move on with my day. When I was younger in my 20's and lived in a house. We lived next to a single guy and sometimes he would be out mowing his lawn, I absolutely hated it but back then, BUT I made myself smile and do a short wave to him as a signal for being neighborly when I got home from work. Did I want to? No, but I felt I had to because I thought he might be offended, etc.. Now I just don't give a darn! lol I've been jaded by life to some degree.

Waving at a person required this much internal dialogue? And you hated it? I think that's what people can't grasp. That some people have this much social anxiety. But you are explaining, which is helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably just shy and a little socially awkward, I would try not to take it personally. Maybe they want to be friendlier but don’t quite know how, or they had a bad experience in a past neighborhood and are inclined to keep their guard up somewhat.

Stop making excuses.

Really why does it matter to you if people chat or not? There’s all types out there and lots of people who are just sort of … awkward. Why get so worked up about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’re probably just shy and a little socially awkward, I would try not to take it personally. Maybe they want to be friendlier but don’t quite know how, or they had a bad experience in a past neighborhood and are inclined to keep their guard up somewhat.

Stop making excuses.

Really why does it matter to you if people chat or not? There’s all types out there and lots of people who are just sort of … awkward. Why get so worked up about it?

Why are you so worked up about what others think?