17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you sat down and explained the repercussions to your son? Here’s what the court order says, here’s what contempt of court means, etc. Bring him into the brainstorm. Perhaps suggest one more weekend with his dad so kid and dad can do the same solution brainstorming.

Don't lie to the kid - he won't be held in contempt of court.

He won’t but mom can be. A friend went through this with her 16 year old DD. Very similar situation with the visitation order and distance, but there were also 4 much younger half-siblings at Dad’s house. Very chaotic environment. She didn’t want to go and mom could not physically force her into a car. However, the court held mom responsible.

With what? A fine? Jail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.

Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.

If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.

OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.

Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.

OP here: Ok, I really resent this. Our schedule is the way it is because when we divorced when DS was a toddler, his dad did not want more time than that, largely due to the distance and him deciding to move far away.

Also, DS has always more time in the summer with his dad to make up for the school year schedule.

I don't see how I would possibly "terminate visits." Nor do I want to do that or think that's in my DS's best interests. Who said anything about terminating visits entirely??

OP, you can ignore that poster. You won't be able to get through to them. It's hard to see how they can reasonably respond how they did to what you posted. They must be in a bad place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.

[Anonymous]

^^ Well dang, so many people posted between my OP and my response. I'm the poster with the 17 yo senior kid too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.

Can you not read???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

It's some angry alienated dad with too much time on his hands. The men's rights angle is ironic because the 17 year old is virtually a man himself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to figure out a way to take yourself completely out of this situation. Do you need your car on those weekends? Let your kid drive himself to visit dad.

If kid refuses to drive himself or let you drive him, kid needs to call dad. If kid doesn't show up for visitation, dad can call cops. You are being controlled by both the men in your life right now. Remove yourself from the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.

The truth will cause bitter resentment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to figure out a way to take yourself completely out of this situation. Do you need your car on those weekends? Let your kid drive himself to visit dad.

If kid refuses to drive himself or let you drive him, kid needs to call dad. If kid doesn't show up for visitation, dad can call cops. You are being controlled by both the men in your life right now. Remove yourself from the middle.

I agree with this. The 17 year old is on the cusp of manhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to figure out a way to take yourself completely out of this situation. Do you need your car on those weekends? Let your kid drive himself to visit dad.

If kid refuses to drive himself or let you drive him, kid needs to call dad. If kid doesn't show up for visitation, dad can call cops. You are being controlled by both the men in your life right now. Remove yourself from the middle.

I agree with this. The 17 year old is on the cusp of manhood.

You don't handle it this way and you are the parent. It is your responsibility to handle it. Dad is not the parent. Dad is a visitor in this child's life. And, you never involve the police.

You tell the child to go to the visit or there are consequences at home. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

It's some angry alienated dad with too much time on his hands. The men's rights angle is ironic because the 17 year old is virtually a man himself.

A 17 year old is still a child and needs the parent to parent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.

You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

It's some angry alienated dad with too much time on his hands. The men's rights angle is ironic because the 17 year old is virtually a man himself.

A 17 year old is still a child and needs the parent to parent him.

Do you have an older teen? Yes, an older teen needs to be parented but they also need flexibility/understanding as they stand on the cusp of adulthood and seek to establish appropriate boundaries and priorities. It is perfectly reasonable for an older teen to prioritize their own friends and hobbies over spending time with their parents. This is true of both the custodial and non-custodial parents, for what it is worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.

You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.

More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.

It's some angry alienated dad with too much time on his hands. The men's rights angle is ironic because the 17 year old is virtually a man himself.

A 17 year old is still a child and needs the parent to parent him.

He is a child at 17 years and 354 days and at the stroke of midnight turns into an adult, eh?