17 Year Old Custody Schedule

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


I consider drive-by parenting a d!ck move. If you're not there for any of the heavy lifting F you. Only contribution is demands and court ordered financial support.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.


Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.


If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.


OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.


Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.


The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


I consider drive-by parenting a d!ck move. If you're not there for any of the heavy lifting F you. Only contribution is demands and court ordered financial support.


He has twice a month visitation and child support. She agreed to this schedule and choose it when child was a toddler so she cannot complain. If she needed him to do more, she should have insisted.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.


Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.


If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.


OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.


Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.


The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.


They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.
Anonymous
OP, you have two choices. You tell child they are going and if they refuse, you have consequences or you terminate the visits and tell Dad child choose to stop the visits and you aren't enforcing them. Then, he can choose to allow the contact to stop or take you to court. There is no need to debate it. But, you are the primary parent so if there needs to be discipline/consequences it is on you, not dad. Dad cannot do it from distance when contact is so limited. It sounds like you are ok stopping visits so just call or text Dad and tell him that there will be no more visits or at best once month.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


You are hopeless.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: I also want to add that I have assured my ex that I would NOT seek any additional child support if the schedule changed and DS spent more time with me, so finances can't be playing any role in my ex's decision/thoughts. (It really wouldn't be that much extra time anyway, so any hypothetical impact on child support would be negligible, nor would I ever want to have that fight for just 9 more months of CS).

I'm only raising this because sometimes people say that parents want more time with the kid to get more money, or parents don't want to lose time because then they'll have to pay more money, etc.


Maybe he wants a relationship with his child? He only gets 4 days a month. Have you stopped to consider what that must be like as a parent? Now, you are changing it to two days a month.


If he wants a relationship with his child he needs to be willing to compromise. A senior in high school has a life outside of his parents. The father should be respectful of this. Forcing a kid to spend 2 weekends a month at a place he doesn't want to be is going to drive a wedge between them. This sounds like it's about control, not about having a healthy relationship with his son. My parents were divorced and I spent every weekend with my dad. Once I started driving I did not go there every weekend. I was involved with sports and my friends. I wasn't hanging out at home every weekend with either parent. Instead of acting like a control freak or a child, my dad adjusted his expectations and found other ways to spend time with me. He was always at my sporting events and we'd other go out to dinner after games or practice. Your ex is being unreasonable and he's going to ruin his relationship with his son. I would let him take it to court. Your son turns 18 in less than a year. Let your son plead his case in front of the judge.


OP here: yes, my ex is very controlling, so I think that's part of it. One of the (many) reasons we got divorced.

But I still want my DS to have a relationship with his dad. I'm not trying to come between them. I've done everything possible to facilitate and enable our custody schedule for 16 years year now. But I'm sympathetic to my DS's feelings and desires for all of the reasons you mention.


Its not controlling to insist on your 4 days of month of court ordered visitation. He isn't even much of a parent with 4 days a month and you are taking that away.

You have two options - terminate visits or tell your child you will continue till 18. You can work with Dad on changing a weekend or two if something is important but you are clearly not making the relationship with Dad a priority, especially if he only gets 4 days a month.


The dad is not making his relationship with his son a priority by refusing to compromise on the current visitation schedule. The mom is not taking anything away. A 17 year old is old enough to decide whether or not to spend weekends at his dad's house. Quit punishing the kid for having divorced parents.


They're trying to punish the mom. The kid is their weapon of choice.


No one is punishing the mom. Child is court ordered to have two visits a month. Dad is making it a priority by enforcing the visits. If Dad refused the visits he'd be vilified to. No matter what Dad does he is wrong and the bad one. A 17 year old legally is still a child. If a child doesn't do what is asked, as a parent you have consequences. So, if this kid wants to stay out all night, mom will say yes? All weekend to party with friends, mom will say yes. Of course not.

If mom does not bring the child to the visits as ordered/scheduled, she is refusing to cooperate and taking away the visits. This is equally on Mom and Dad. Mom can offer an alternative schedule and see if it works for Dad as another option.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


I can't tell if you are serious or if you just like to argue. The mom is not trying to take his visitation away. The son doesn't want to spend 2 weekends there. A visitation schedule for a teenager is different than that of a preschooler. Kids grow up and their needs change. No one is saying the dad can't see his kid. The kid is saying he doesn't want to spend two full weekends with him because he has other things going on in his life. This is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is a father refusing to be flexible. It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to be there two weekends a month.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


I can't tell if you are serious or if you just like to argue. The mom is not trying to take his visitation away. The son doesn't want to spend 2 weekends there. A visitation schedule for a teenager is different than that of a preschooler. Kids grow up and their needs change. No one is saying the dad can't see his kid. The kid is saying he doesn't want to spend two full weekends with him because he has other things going on in his life. This is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is a father refusing to be flexible. It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to be there two weekends a month.


Every other weekend screws him out of virtually every club, sport, organized activity, group lesson, job. Dad could drive in and be taxi for the day and spend time with his son that way but he wants to control everything. Then dad's going to be the big victim when his 18 year old son wants to have nothing to do with him, and mom is the villain. "She turned him against me."
Anonymous
If it were me, I’d try every alternative I can think of, like flexibility with which weekend, clear doing pick ups, etc. But in the end if there is no way to reach a consensus, id be sure to be available to do the drive. Id tell my son when it’s time to go. And, if he doesn’t get in the car within say a half hour id text my ex and let him know. Then The ball is in his court. He can call his son, drive to OPs house, whatever. But that’s really about all OP can do.

Having been through HS with three kids, I can say for certain that one of mine would never leave for the weekend during school and no way would I try to physically force it. That is so demeaning.

Relationships grow and evolve over time. Who amongst us has the same relationship with their kid at 17 as at 2. You’ve got to meet your kid where they are. And at 17, you kind of take a backseat to friends and football games.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


I can't tell if you are serious or if you just like to argue. The mom is not trying to take his visitation away. The son doesn't want to spend 2 weekends there. A visitation schedule for a teenager is different than that of a preschooler. Kids grow up and their needs change. No one is saying the dad can't see his kid. The kid is saying he doesn't want to spend two full weekends with him because he has other things going on in his life. This is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is a father refusing to be flexible. It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to be there two weekends a month.


OP here again.

The biggest problem is the distance to his dad's house. If his dad lived in our town, and DS could easily get to whatever his friends were doing on weekends, or get to school/extracurricular events, this wouldn't be nearly as big of an issue. I don't really think DS would care where he slept at night as long as he could go do all of his stuff easily.

I know some people have said an hour and 15 minute drive isn't that far, but it is when you don't have your own car., and you're a busy teenager. DS is a busy kid - sports, AP classes, friends, part time job, etc. It's the distance from all of this stuff that makes this so hard. DS adamantly says, over and over again, "I don't want to be away from my entire life two full weekends a month anymore." I sympathize with that. I also sympathize with his dad wanting to see DS, although I think it's unreasonably stubborn of him to not even listen to what DS's concerns are or consider alternatives, especially when we only have 9 more months of this.

I know some people suggested that I just give DS my car for the weekend, but I work weird hours that include weekend work, so I need my car on weekends. And dad refuses to let him drive his car at all.

Yes, I have read everyone's suggestions that I can punish DS and withhold electronics/ground him and enforce consequences like that if he won't abide by the schedule. But then I'm just driving a wedge between me and DS and making him resent me as well. I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal with that resentment for the next year.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


I consider drive-by parenting a d!ck move. If you're not there for any of the heavy lifting F you. Only contribution is demands and court ordered financial support.


He has twice a month visitation and child support. She agreed to this schedule and choose it when child was a toddler so she cannot complain. If she needed him to do more, she should have insisted.


The type of support I'm talking about is being there when someone needs to wait in the ER all night. Mom has to do all of the work and dad thinks he should get half of the fun time. Most divorced women were doing all of the work when they were still married and realize there will be less work if they kick out the man-baby from their life, so they do so.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


I can't tell if you are serious or if you just like to argue. The mom is not trying to take his visitation away. The son doesn't want to spend 2 weekends there. A visitation schedule for a teenager is different than that of a preschooler. Kids grow up and their needs change. No one is saying the dad can't see his kid. The kid is saying he doesn't want to spend two full weekends with him because he has other things going on in his life. This is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is a father refusing to be flexible. It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to be there two weekends a month.


OP here again.

The biggest problem is the distance to his dad's house. If his dad lived in our town, and DS could easily get to whatever his friends were doing on weekends, or get to school/extracurricular events, this wouldn't be nearly as big of an issue. I don't really think DS would care where he slept at night as long as he could go do all of his stuff easily.

I know some people have said an hour and 15 minute drive isn't that far, but it is when you don't have your own car., and you're a busy teenager. DS is a busy kid - sports, AP classes, friends, part time job, etc. It's the distance from all of this stuff that makes this so hard. DS adamantly says, over and over again, "I don't want to be away from my entire life two full weekends a month anymore." I sympathize with that. I also sympathize with his dad wanting to see DS, although I think it's unreasonably stubborn of him to not even listen to what DS's concerns are or consider alternatives, especially when we only have 9 more months of this.

I know some people suggested that I just give DS my car for the weekend, but I work weird hours that include weekend work, so I need my car on weekends. And dad refuses to let him drive his car at all.

Yes, I have read everyone's suggestions that I can punish DS and withhold electronics/ground him and enforce consequences like that if he won't abide by the schedule. But then I'm just driving a wedge between me and DS and making him resent me as well. I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal with that resentment for the next year.


If dad has money, can he buy a beater car? Would it be less annoying to your son if it was one day a week? I realize he's probably just being a control freak and not actually trying to problem solve.
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Anonymous wrote:OP should go the dirty route and tell her DS, "I"m with you, but unfortunately your d/ck dad isn't on board so you have to go whether you like it or not. Now you understand why we are divorced."

But she won't. She'll continue taking the high road, despite the people complaining that SHE is somehow undermining the father's relationship, when it's the DS himself who no longer wants to go. You're a good mom, OP.

I would never post on DCUM seeking validation or advice about visitation or custody or child support -- there is an unhealthy anti-single mom group here that dominates every thread on the subject. They're terrible and have no idea what there relationships are actually like. Good luck, OP. You're almost at the finish line.
I'm the poster right above this post. This is such an immature way to handle this. Not to mention it's creating your son to have bitter resentment feelings towards his father. Don't do this, OP.


You never ever say that to your child. Dad isn't being a d/ck by wanting to see his child 4 days a month.


More reading comprehension issues. I'm the PP that posted the "suggestion." I thought it was obvious that it was tongue-in-cheek -- I even said OP wouldn't do it and would continue taking the high road and called her a good mom for that reason.

Of course no good mom will ever say a thing like that, because she cares about her kid -- even though it's the truth that these "fathers' rights" posters want to pretend doesn't exist. It's like, if we aren't allowed to say it out loud then it can't be real. It's real. Your relationship with your kids is not "mommy's fault." Grow up.


Dad has twice a month visitation. He is asking for his twice a month visitation. Mom and child are trying to reduce the schedule to no or one time a month. So, the relationship is mom's fault if she is telling the child its ok to miss visits. You cannot complain Dad is not involved when you don't even allow him his minimum visitation. He is effectively not a parent, so yes it is 100% on mom as she has him full time 24/7 except two weekends a month. Dad cannot parent two weekends a month and those are just visits.


I can't tell if you are serious or if you just like to argue. The mom is not trying to take his visitation away. The son doesn't want to spend 2 weekends there. A visitation schedule for a teenager is different than that of a preschooler. Kids grow up and their needs change. No one is saying the dad can't see his kid. The kid is saying he doesn't want to spend two full weekends with him because he has other things going on in his life. This is not unreasonable. What's unreasonable is a father refusing to be flexible. It's no wonder the kid doesn't want to be there two weekends a month.


OP here again.

The biggest problem is the distance to his dad's house. If his dad lived in our town, and DS could easily get to whatever his friends were doing on weekends, or get to school/extracurricular events, this wouldn't be nearly as big of an issue. I don't really think DS would care where he slept at night as long as he could go do all of his stuff easily.

I know some people have said an hour and 15 minute drive isn't that far, but it is when you don't have your own car., and you're a busy teenager. DS is a busy kid - sports, AP classes, friends, part time job, etc. It's the distance from all of this stuff that makes this so hard. DS adamantly says, over and over again, "I don't want to be away from my entire life two full weekends a month anymore." I sympathize with that. I also sympathize with his dad wanting to see DS, although I think it's unreasonably stubborn of him to not even listen to what DS's concerns are or consider alternatives, especially when we only have 9 more months of this.

I know some people suggested that I just give DS my car for the weekend, but I work weird hours that include weekend work, so I need my car on weekends. And dad refuses to let him drive his car at all.

Yes, I have read everyone's suggestions that I can punish DS and withhold electronics/ground him and enforce consequences like that if he won't abide by the schedule. But then I'm just driving a wedge between me and DS and making him resent me as well. I guess I'll have to suck it up and deal with that resentment for the next year.


If dad has money, can he buy a beater car? Would it be less annoying to your son if it was one day a week? I realize he's probably just being a control freak and not actually trying to problem solve.


OP here: dad will not buy a car or pay for insurance. He thinks DS should save up and buy his own car. I'm trying to help DS do that.
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