Why do we judge men who don’t work more harshly than women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because WOMEN’S salaries can’t support a family and often can’t even cover daycare.

This is why, and why things need to change. BADLY.

- Females are socialized to take pink collar, lower paying jobs.
- Women are paid less for the same work.
- Women are mommy tracked when they continue working.
- Women's earning potential decreases dramatically after kids.
- Women are pressured to take jobs that allow flexibility for kids, but those usually come with less pay.
- Women are typically younger than their husbands, so they have been in the workforce less time and so make less money.

The "solution" for many families is for mom to stay home or take a lower-paying job. But this makes the problem worse. Instead, we need societal structures that allow women to continue working for the same salaries (such as flexible workplaces and affording childcare), and for dads to take an equal career hit.

[Anonymous]

Men are smarter than women and thus more likely to land a decent job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are smarter than women and thus more likely to land a decent job.

Troll fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traditional roles.

This. I don’t want my husband to be lazy. It’s just unattractive. I also don’t find it attractive for a husband to give up a career to tend to kids/take care of house.

Many men feel the SAME about women! So it’s pretty even.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

It is true but, only because it is how our society has been since forever. Women have the babies and were expected to stay home. If they wanted to work than they were told that they were taking a "man's job" or a "man's spot in law school" ( Hint..Ruth Bader Ginsburg and others) Men were supposed to work and bring home the money.

I don't judge men who stay home or women who work but, society as a whole moves very slowly.

[Anonymous]

My DH is a SAHD and it works out great for our family. I'm an attorney and while I have more flexibility now than I did earlier in my career, I often have client meetings and deadlines that I just can't move if one of the kids gets sick for example. Our youngest is starting 1st grade and we never would've made it through the pandemic and a year+ of virtual school without DH. He is involved at the kids' school, coaches their sports teams, and does 85% of the stuff around the house. He's constantly busy with something, whether it's a new home project or running the kids all over town for their actives. We both feel strongly about being involved in our kids' lives and I love the fact that he is so hands-on as a parent.

He provides for our family just as much as I do. No question. There's no resentment between us and we have a great marriage. My kids and I are fortunate that he has enough self-confidence to provide for our family in any way that's needed, which has allowed me to focus on my career, despite the low opinion of SAHDs that so many of you seem to have. We don't worry about what others think and honestly, I don't know of a situation where it was ever an issue.

I truly don't understand how on the one hand, people can champion women having careers and climbing the corporate ladder while being so judgmental about her husband taking on a bigger role at home in order to support her career. Men have long benefitted from having stay at home wives. Women should be able to have the same support for their careers if that's what works best for their family.

[Anonymous]

How else would we pass the affair off as a business trip?

[Anonymous]

I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is a SAHD and it works out great for our family. I'm an attorney and while I have more flexibility now than I did earlier in my career, I often have client meetings and deadlines that I just can't move if one of the kids gets sick for example. Our youngest is starting 1st grade and we never would've made it through the pandemic and a year+ of virtual school without DH. He is involved at the kids' school, coaches their sports teams, and does 85% of the stuff around the house. He's constantly busy with something, whether it's a new home project or running the kids all over town for their actives. We both feel strongly about being involved in our kids' lives and I love the fact that he is so hands-on as a parent.

He provides for our family just as much as I do. No question. There's no resentment between us and we have a great marriage. My kids and I are fortunate that he has enough self-confidence to provide for our family in any way that's needed, which has allowed me to focus on my career, despite the low opinion of SAHDs that so many of you seem to have. We don't worry about what others think and honestly, I don't know of a situation where it was ever an issue.

I truly don't understand how on the one hand, people can champion women having careers and climbing the corporate ladder while being so judgmental about her husband taking on a bigger role at home in order to support her career. Men have long benefitted from having stay at home wives. Women should be able to have the same support for their careers if that's what works best for their family.

I agree with you. If the dad is doing a lot at home, just as a woman would do as a sahm, and supporting his wife's career at the same time, I don't think that's a bad thing, and I don't think I would look down on that.

We actually need more dads to be involved at school. I also find that dads tend to be the coaches in rec leagues, and I'm grateful for that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

Nowadays women are judged very harshly for everything they do. Stay at home with kids in school? Lazy? Work and use daycare and nannies? Bad mothers! So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for the few Dads who stay at home and are judged for not working a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

Nowadays women are judged very harshly for everything they do. Stay at home with kids in school? Lazy? Work and use daycare and nannies? Bad mothers! So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for the few Dads who stay at home and are judged for not working a job.

DP. So why perpetuate it? If you as a mom know how it feels to be judged for everything you do, why judge others? How refreshing it would be if we as a society could just move on from these outdated views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

Nowadays women are judged very harshly for everything they do. Stay at home with kids in school? Lazy? Work and use daycare and nannies? Bad mothers! So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for the few Dads who stay at home and are judged for not working a job.

DP. So why perpetuate it? If you as a mom know how it feels to be judged for everything you do, why judge others? How refreshing it would be if we as a society could just move on from these outdated views.

Please share with me how I would change society's viewpoint. I am ONE person and a woman so they aren't going to listen to me anyway! I do not judge anyone so I am not the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

[Anonymous]

Why is it outdated to look down on lazy people? Men or women. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work. Once kids go to school, it's really not.