Why do we judge men who don’t work more harshly than women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The argument that someone needs to stay home and has too much to do to work is probably the thing that annoys me most of all. It’s simply not true in most cases. I’ve been a sahm for a while due to unemployment and mostly worked and you can totally do both. Yes we need some extra childcare here and there and I tend to do admin and laundry in the evening while watching tv but no biggie. Unless you would yourself earn less than you pay your cleaner or for aftercare which is obv a different story

I have read a lot of these mommy wars, and I have never seen anyone argue that they have too much housework to do to also work.

People do often say that employers are inflexible and don’t allow time off or flexible schedules that enable women to also be caregivers for their children, and it’s much worse for men. So, couples decide that it’s best for their family to have one parent SAH and take care of all of the caregiving needs and one parent to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really see how it’s a lot less work once the kids are in school. Yes. It’s less work during the day while they are in school, but mornings and evenings are often busier and kids get up earlier and stay up later. Toddlers sleep about 90 hours/week. Elementary schoolers sleep about 60 hours/week and go to school 30 hours/week. It looks to me like about the same amount of time doing childcare.

It’s not like these are couples where the dad is home by 5pm every day and has every weekend off. For most SAHMs, the time that the kids are in school is their only time to exercise, read, relax, and socialize. People make fun of SAHMs for going out to lunch or playing tennis during the school day, but that’s like making fun of single people for going to happy hours. This is the time they have to socialize.

And no, neither childfree people nor SAHPs are working as hard as a single mom of three who has no time to socialize.

Correct, it's not less work. It gets more complicated because kids have more school-based activities that you have to help with, or after-school things and you're always driving around in the afternoons. I work now with elementary school kids, but we don't outsource much so the house is often a mess, and we have to do errands on the weekends.

Right? People always ask what SAHMs of school aged kids do during the day, and the answer is that it’s what SAHMs of toddlers do during nap time and after kids go to bed at 7:30pm. Housework, nothing, call your sister, get dinner ready so it isn’t a mad rush later…

[Anonymous]

Mostly, I think, it’s that “woman’s work” isn’t seen as work so if a man is doing that instead of working a paid job it is discounted. It is somewhat expected in society for a woman to stay home “just” watching the kids, cooking, and cleaning. We believe that men are capable of more and should therefore be doing more. As much as we’ve progressed, there is definitely still a strong belief in American society that men are in charge of making money and women are in charge of raising kids and keeping the home. There is also the pervasive belief that the latter is less important or impressive, especially for men to be participating in.