Why do we judge men who don’t work more harshly than women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

Nowadays women are judged very harshly for everything they do. Stay at home with kids in school? Lazy? Work and use daycare and nannies? Bad mothers! So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for the few Dads who stay at home and are judged for not working a job.

DP. So why perpetuate it? If you as a mom know how it feels to be judged for everything you do, why judge others? How refreshing it would be if we as a society could just move on from these outdated views.

Except people only want to move on and stop judging *when it benefits men*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because WOMEN’S salaries can’t support a family and often can’t even cover daycare.

This is why, and why things need to change. BADLY.

- Females are socialized to take pink collar, lower paying jobs.
- Women are paid less for the same work.
- Women are mommy tracked when they continue working.
- Women's earning potential decreases dramatically after kids.
- Women are pressured to take jobs that allow flexibility for kids, but those usually come with less pay.
- Women are typically younger than their husbands, so they have been in the workforce less time and so make less money.

The "solution" for many families is for mom to stay home or take a lower-paying job. But this makes the problem worse. Instead, we need societal structures that allow women to continue working for the same salaries (such as flexible workplaces and affording childcare), and for dads to take an equal career hit.

how does this make the problem worse? Kids are educated and well behaved? Depends on your goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:S/o of the dh who posted his wife is ‘lazy’ (and not to re litigate his post) do you feel society judges men who don’t work much more harshly? I feel like if a woman wrote that their child was 10 and the dh had not yet gone back to work (even if they agreed he’d stay at home in the early years), he would be viewed much differently than a woman who is still out of the workforce once kids are in school full time. Is that true or subjective?

Nowadays women are judged very harshly for everything they do. Stay at home with kids in school? Lazy? Work and use daycare and nannies? Bad mothers! So forgive me if I don't feel sorry for the few Dads who stay at home and are judged for not working a job.

DP. So why perpetuate it? If you as a mom know how it feels to be judged for everything you do, why judge others? How refreshing it would be if we as a society could just move on from these outdated views.

I don't. I was in a carpool with a dad who stayed at home and showed me how to use google calendar and ran a PTA committee and a boy scout troop and handled all the finances and house maintenance for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

Why blame the working person then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

Why blame the working person then?

Because without her consent, he wouldn't be wasting his life doing nothing. It's enabling, pure and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

Why blame the working person then?

Because without her consent, he wouldn't be wasting his life doing nothing. It's enabling, pure and simple.

You sound like a troll. Are men enabling their SAH wives then? Are SAHMs "wasting their lives doing nothing?"

You seem to have a very warped view of how relationships work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it outdated to look down on lazy people? Men or women. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work. Once kids go to school, it's really not.

True, in many ways it's less work once they go to school but it's inaccurate to act like there's nothing to do at that point. Someone has to get the kids to/from school. And what about the hours before school and after school? If your kids are involved in activities, most occur right after school. Not to mention all of the days off, random sick days, etc. Unfortunately most jobs are not compatible with school hours so the parent would have to find a job that ONLY requires them to work between 9-2:30pm.

Besides, there's plenty of other stuff to do during school ours. The SAP I know use that time to do literally everything else that needs to get done (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands). I suppose if there's a SAP but the family still outsources everything, there might be nothing left for the SAP to do. I just don't know any families with SAP who outsource everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

Why blame the working person then?

Because without her consent, he wouldn't be wasting his life doing nothing. It's enabling, pure and simple.

You sound like a troll. Are men enabling their SAH wives then? Are SAHMs "wasting their lives doing nothing?"

You seem to have a very warped view of how relationships work.

And you sound like you don't understand what enabling is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it outdated to look down on lazy people? Men or women. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work. Once kids go to school, it's really not.

True, in many ways it's less work once they go to school but it's inaccurate to act like there's nothing to do at that point. Someone has to get the kids to/from school. And what about the hours before school and after school? If your kids are involved in activities, most occur right after school. Not to mention all of the days off, random sick days, etc. Unfortunately most jobs are not compatible with school hours so the parent would have to find a job that ONLY requires them to work between 9-2:30pm.

Besides, there's plenty of other stuff to do during school ours. The SAP I know use that time to do literally everything else that needs to get done (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands). I suppose if there's a SAP but the family still outsources everything, there might be nothing left for the SAP to do. I just don't know any families with SAP who outsource everything.

It's called being a housewife, not being a SAHM. Or a househusband, as the case may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge women who support deadbeat DHs just as harshly. I'm talking about men with kids who are already in school, not SAHD. They are enablers and keeping a man in a cage he can never get out of, so they don't have to worry about losing him. A man who spends 20 years at home has zero chance of landing a job if he wanted to go back to work. A woman has more of a chance. Also he is not attractive to other women, at all. Like he's ever going to find some other woman to support him while he does nothing.

Those wives are enablers.

Unbelievable! So even when the man is LAZY it is the women's fault??? NO, the women is not an enabler. There is no one stopping said man to get off his butt and get ANY JOB. there is no cage. What would you have the woman do? Not work and the kids suffer? Maybe she should divorce but,that costs money!

So many women haters!! Give me a freaking break, pp.

Why would a lazy person get off his butt and get ANY JOB when his wife is letting him live for free, doing nothing? Hard to find a wife like that.....

Why blame the working person then?

Because without her consent, he wouldn't be wasting his life doing nothing. It's enabling, pure and simple.

You sound like a troll. Are men enabling their SAH wives then? Are SAHMs "wasting their lives doing nothing?"

You seem to have a very warped view of how relationships work.

They are a troll. No one in their right mind believes this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it outdated to look down on lazy people? Men or women. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work. Once kids go to school, it's really not.

True, in many ways it's less work once they go to school but it's inaccurate to act like there's nothing to do at that point. Someone has to get the kids to/from school. And what about the hours before school and after school? If your kids are involved in activities, most occur right after school. Not to mention all of the days off, random sick days, etc. Unfortunately most jobs are not compatible with school hours so the parent would have to find a job that ONLY requires them to work between 9-2:30pm.

Besides, there's plenty of other stuff to do during school ours. The SAP I know use that time to do literally everything else that needs to get done (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands). I suppose if there's a SAP but the family still outsources everything, there might be nothing left for the SAP to do. I just don't know any families with SAP who outsource everything.

It's called being a housewife, not being a SAHM. Or a househusband, as the case may be.

So the kids no longer exist then? They just take care of themselves at that point once they are school-age?

Odd are you are the same troll bashing women as enablers. Bye!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because WOMEN’S salaries can’t support a family and often can’t even cover daycare.

This is why, and why things need to change. BADLY.

- Females are socialized to take pink collar, lower paying jobs.
- Women are paid less for the same work.
- Women are mommy tracked when they continue working.
- Women's earning potential decreases dramatically after kids.
- Women are pressured to take jobs that allow flexibility for kids, but those usually come with less pay.
- Women are typically younger than their husbands, so they have been in the workforce less time and so make less money.

The "solution" for many families is for mom to stay home or take a lower-paying job. But this makes the problem worse. Instead, we need societal structures that allow women to continue working for the same salaries (such as flexible workplaces and affording childcare), and for dads to take an equal career hit.

No one is forcing women to do that. Many choose to do it. Let’s face it picking a job with flexibility, low stress, low pay, etc is easy on you. Still no one is forcing you to do that.

[Anonymous]

Because men are harder workers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it outdated to look down on lazy people? Men or women. Being a stay at home parent is a lot of work. Once kids go to school, it's really not.

True, in many ways it's less work once they go to school but it's inaccurate to act like there's nothing to do at that point. Someone has to get the kids to/from school. And what about the hours before school and after school? If your kids are involved in activities, most occur right after school. Not to mention all of the days off, random sick days, etc. Unfortunately most jobs are not compatible with school hours so the parent would have to find a job that ONLY requires them to work between 9-2:30pm.

Besides, there's plenty of other stuff to do during school ours. The SAP I know use that time to do literally everything else that needs to get done (grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, errands). I suppose if there's a SAP but the family still outsources everything, there might be nothing left for the SAP to do. I just don't know any families with SAP who outsource everything.

It's called being a housewife, not being a SAHM. Or a househusband, as the case may be.

So the kids no longer exist then? They just take care of themselves at that point once they are school-age?

Odd are you are the same troll bashing women as enablers. Bye!

They are out of the house for 8 hours a day or more. They exist, but someone else is taking care of them at that point. You know this. If someone is still at home at that point, they are taking care of something other than the kids.

[Anonymous]

Some defensive, aged-out SAHDs on this thread.