Feeling kind of hurt but also paranoid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

That's a good point and could be true but like I said after all these years and time together I know she considers me a part of his family and I don't think she would leave me out as her FDIL of something like that because I'm sure she knows my fiance would tell me and she would know news like this would effect me as well given that we are close. I highly doubt that's the case. IF we werent close I would be more inclined to agree.

You’re overthinking it. Sometimes parents just need to talk to their kid one-on-one.

Related, does your fiancé truly never get to see his mom by himself? You make it sound like it’s a really big deal that he would see his mom on his own.

Interesting choice of word by saying does fiance "get " to see his mom by himself. He isn't a child. At the end of the day if he chooses to see his mom alone or not that is on him as a grown man not on me. But anyways yes he does see his mom alone but not very often because naturally we visit family together usually. Because shocker my fiance wants his future wife with him when visiting family and friends.


What does regular time mean to you? Is that once a week or once a month? With people's busy lives sometimes people don't even get to see their own spouse that much so yeah I would be pissed if my MIL asked to see my husband alone once every single week because that would be excluding me a lot of the time and expecting my husband to leave me one night every week yeah that would be a problem.
I think a lot of people are missing the point that it isn't about the fact that he is seeing his mom alone as I have stated in a response above that he has seen his mom alone before it's more that his mom has never outright requested it and there was no context given. I thought his mom and I were close and she saw me as family.

Are you 12? Or 19? Seriously, please tell me you can’t be this obtuse.

When you have your own son someday, can you imagine ever wanting to spend time with him, just you two? If I thought that my son getting married meant that I would never have regular time just me & him together, that would be REALLY bleak.

And no, if I had cancer I would certainly not want to tell him and his wife together. That doesn’t mean I don’t consider her family. There are different degrees of family. You two aren’t sewn together for the rest of your Lives,

It’s not about you.

Though with this level of immaturity and insecurity, maybe it is?

[Anonymous]

Just curious how often is regularly to you?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married for 25 years. My mother-in-law is a lovely woman and we have a very nice relationship. She also had nearly 30 years with my husband before I entered the picture. They have a whole history that didn’t include me and I have no problem with that. I highly encourage my husband to spend time alone with his mom but honestly it doesn’t even need encouragement, it just happens. Sometimes he’ll tell me that she was asking for advice about her siblings, financial planning, home repairs, etc. I don’t need to be involved in all of that!! Throughout the years we have each spent time alone with our own parents and with each other’s parents and that has allowed us to build special individual relationships with each person. Take a breather and stop smothering!

[Anonymous]

^ That sounds great but you must realize that is different than what OP describes. Your situation sounds like organic visits or ones initiated by the child, not the parent. OP was specifically excluded by the parent - not saying this is wrong, but it is distinguishable from your case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you keep mentioning cultural and regional differences- where are you from? In many cultures the mother is the matriarch, not the girlfriend.

First of all we are engaged to be married with a set wedding date. What does the mother being the matriarch have to do with anything? Are you really trying to imply that his mother should be more important than his own future wife? I definitely don't want to marry a man who would consider his mother more important than me (I know that isn't the case in my situation) just saying if that was the case I wouldn't want to.

Oh boy. Yes, you’re the type who gets upset at being called girlfriend because you have a wedding date. When you have more life experience this will all become more clear to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, one of the biggest gifts yiu can give both your future husband and yourself is to have your own, separate relationships with friends and family. One day, you may even have a relationship and time with your MIL completely separate from your then husband.

It’s very nice to think of marriage as a permanent thing, but the reality is, it often isn’t. Perhaps FMIL wants to discuss things like updating her will, or end of life care, or something that may not include you.

Mostly - relax and let go of the reigns, or you will be in for a long and difficult life. You cannot control everything your FH does, nor should you want to or try to. All of his free time shouldn’t necessarily be devoted to you. And as has been stated - not everything in life is all about you.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are way too immature to get married.