Feeling kind of hurt but also paranoid

[Anonymous]

She probably wants to talk to him about something personal about HER, not you. Do not make this about your relationship with her, assumptions about visits, etc. You will understand this when you have your own older children. Sometimes you just want to talk to your child alone.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I'll ask this question from the other POV. If your FDIL/DIL and your son lived locally and everytime your FDIL/DIL came over with your son would that bother you? I'm not trying to be snarky I promise. I just now am thinking based on some of these replies saying my fiance should ask before I come over or that FMIL is bothered that I come over that maybe we were wrong? Like I said I guess after a certain length of time and living together after a while it was an implied invite with both of our families.

Yes my fiance sees his mother along (albeit not very often but he does) and I see my parents alone sometimes. Again maybe it's cultural or regional but in our circle it's more common to see family members as a couple than not to. From some of these responses I gather that it's more appropriate for my fiance to ask to bring me each and every time he sees his mother and same with me and my family. Although I think that our family would think we are nuts like you guys are engaged and live together of course your partner is more than welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to talk to him about something personal about HER, not you. Do not make this about your relationship with her, assumptions about visits, etc. You will understand this when you have your own older children. Sometimes you just want to talk to your child alone.

Yes I totally get that. I did apologize just now to my fiance for immediately taking it personally. I guess because it's the first time this specific request has come up in the 7 years we been together it threw me for a loop. We both also mutually agreed that maybe this is FMIL's veiled way of expressing she would like to see her son alone more often so I think once a month I am going to be purposely "busy" to give fiance and his mother that time alone as mother and son. Sorry for acting so crazy but I do appreciate you guys bringing me back to reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

That's a good point and could be true but like I said after all these years and time together I know she considers me a part of his family and I don't think she would leave me out as her FDIL of something like that because I'm sure she knows my fiance would tell me and she would know news like this would effect me as well given that we are close. I highly doubt that's the case. IF we werent close I would be more inclined to agree.

You’re overthinking it. Sometimes parents just need to talk to their kid one-on-one.

Related, does your fiancé truly never get to see his mom by himself? You make it sound like it’s a really big deal that he would see his mom on his own.

This is true even when married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I'll ask this question from the other POV. If your FDIL/DIL and your son lived locally and everytime your FDIL/DIL came over with your son would that bother you? I'm not trying to be snarky I promise. I just now am thinking based on some of these replies saying my fiance should ask before I come over or that FMIL is bothered that I come over that maybe we were wrong? Like I said I guess after a certain length of time and living together after a while it was an implied invite with both of our families.

Yes my fiance sees his mother along (albeit not very often but he does) and I see my parents alone sometimes. Again maybe it's cultural or regional but in our circle it's more common to see family members as a couple than not to. From some of these responses I gather that it's more appropriate for my fiance to ask to bring me each and every time he sees his mother and same with me and my family. Although I think that our family would think we are nuts like you guys are engaged and live together of course your partner is more than welcome.

I think in many if not most families, it is implied that the couple comes together even before they are married. That doesn't mean that a couple always HAS to go together, or that it's strange if a parent asks to speak/see their child privately, EVEN after they are married.

[Anonymous]

OP, are your parents alive/in the picture? If not, I'm sorry. But if they are, would you automatically assume, if your mom asked to see you alone, that she was going to bash your fiance that you've been with for 7 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to talk to him about something personal about HER, not you. Do not make this about your relationship with her, assumptions about visits, etc. You will understand this when you have your own older children. Sometimes you just want to talk to your child alone.

Yes I totally get that. I did apologize just now to my fiance for immediately taking it personally. I guess because it's the first time this specific request has come up in the 7 years we been together it threw me for a loop. We both also mutually agreed that maybe this is FMIL's veiled way of expressing she would like to see her son alone more often so I think once a month I am going to be purposely "busy" to give fiance and his mother that time alone as mother and son. Sorry for acting so crazy but I do appreciate you guys bringing me back to reality.

You’re 24. You started dating in high school. So when you were in high school, your fiancé’s mother never initiated a conversation with her son without including you?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the troll how makes up stories about their pathological insecurity regarding their future or present MIL?

Please stop.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are immature, OP. Your fiancé is allowed to visit his mother without you. In fact, you should encourage it every once in awhile.

+1
Sometimes a mom wants time with her son without their SO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She probably wants to talk to him about something personal about HER, not you. Do not make this about your relationship with her, assumptions about visits, etc. You will understand this when you have your own older children. Sometimes you just want to talk to your child alone.

Yes I totally get that. I did apologize just now to my fiance for immediately taking it personally. I guess because it's the first time this specific request has come up in the 7 years we been together it threw me for a loop. We both also mutually agreed that maybe this is FMIL's veiled way of expressing she would like to see her son alone more often so I think once a month I am going to be purposely "busy" to give fiance and his mother that time alone as mother and son. Sorry for acting so crazy but I do appreciate you guys bringing me back to reality.

You’re 24. You started dating in high school. So when you were in high school, your fiancé’s mother never initiated a conversation with her son without including you?

Yeah, I didn’t think so.

X1000

[Anonymous]

You were a kid when you started dating. No way you have always been included.

[Anonymous]

Troll fail.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she just wanted to talk to her son? This is not a slight on you, this is just mom and son for a talk. There is nothing wrong with that. Do you not see your own mother without your fiancée?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with my fiance for 7 years and we have a wedding date set for next year. We love about 15 minutes from his mom and I consider myself close to her and my fiance told her she just texted him asking if he can come over one night this week after work alone? I can't help but feel a little hurt because she didn't give any context? It was almost like she didn't realize how after all these years of being used to me and fiance coming over together how it would look or come across. I'm now feeling paranoid that she has something negative to say about me or something. I can't think of anything as there as far as I know has never been issues or drama between us. I'm wondering what could be going on as in the 7 years we been together she has never asked that of my fiance.

Is this more about the seven years of engagement and dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

That's a good point and could be true but like I said after all these years and time together I know she considers me a part of his family and I don't think she would leave me out as her FDIL of something like that because I'm sure she knows my fiance would tell me and she would know news like this would effect me as well given that we are close. I highly doubt that's the case. IF we werent close I would be more inclined to agree.

A mother can talk to her son without including you in every single conversation for the rest of her life. If I had to tell my son something like I might be dying, I would want to do it alone. Stop making this about you.