Feeling kind of hurt but also paranoid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's going to be my 25th birthday

This sounds about right. You are 24. You’re not part of the family yet. You sound very immature and controlling. If you intend to be with this man the rest of your life, plenty of people are going to ask to speak to him alone. You need to grow up and get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are making this about you. There is a million things I could think of but not once would I think she would be trash talking me. Please worry about your relationship instead

Examples please?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are making this about you. There is a million things I could think of but not once would I think she would be trash talking me. Please worry about your relationship instead

Examples please?

DP. You are way too immature to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did your fiancé say when you brought this up? He has to think you are crazy, right?

He said he thought it was an odd request given that his mom has literally never requested something like that before and she gave no context. He said he is going to call her later to ask if everything is ok and why suddenly after all this time she is requesting this. My family/close friends this it's odd too.

np Maybe she thought she wouldn't have to ask and waited for seven years to see her son solo! Then she probably realized it wasn't going to happen unless she asked. Do you visit your mom? Do you always have your boyfriend with you? Sometimes it is nice to visit your family alone and it doesn't mean they don't like you. Sort of like a "girls' night out' changes when the boyfriends come.

[Anonymous]

Im 40 and have been married for 10 years and dated for a couple before that. We see our local parents on our on own all the time. When one of them asks for their kid to come over its assumed its alone unless the spouse is invited for a thing (dinner, snack etc). We are both close with our parents. Im an only child and dh is the oldest and only son. Noone is ever offended. We spend plenty if time with them as a married unit. I have also went to see my MIL alone and took her to the dr when it was breast cancer as that was far more comfortable for her. Let it go. Let your partners parents have time with their kid without explanations prior to visits. Treating you as family also means expecting you to respect them wanting to spend time with their kid. They don't invite all their kids at the same time anytime they want yo see a grown kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't borrow trouble, OP. For all you know, she has a piece of heirloom jewelry she wants to give him to give to you.

Ohh yeah good point. She doesn't ave any daughters just 2 sons so maybe she has jewelry that she wants to give to me as a surprise for a wedding gift or something. Oh to be clear all I said to my fiance was that I hope everything is alright. To be fair I do think it's human nature and not necessarily "borrowing trouble" to be a little concerned or curious however you want to word it if all of a sudden after this amount of time my fiance is being asked not to bring me when that has never happened in all the years we been together. Of course rationally and deep down I know it's probably nothing.

PP here. No criticism meant by that, OP. Sometimes we just someone to remind us to get out of our heads!

[Anonymous]

Lol OP is 24 and has been engaged for 7 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh you know what I have a big birthday coming up in a couple months maybe my fiance and/or his mom is trying to plan something special for me and my fiance is saying that to throw me off so he can plan and surprise me??

I don't mean to be rude, but 25 is not a milestone birthday. I wouldn't start creating stories about some huge partay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did your fiancé say when you brought this up? He has to think you are crazy, right?

He said he thought it was an odd request given that his mom has literally never requested something like that before and she gave no context. He said he is going to call her later to ask if everything is ok and why suddenly after all this time she is requesting this. My family/close friends this it's odd too.

You’ve already polled your family and friends about this? SMH

This is his MOTHER. Get over your insecurity or you will drive him away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol OP is 24 and has been engaged for 7 years?

Sorry I do realize that my OP read like we were engaged for 7 years. We have been engaged for 2 years and dated 7 years before that. My mistake. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol OP is 24 and has been engaged for 7 years?

LOL, arranged marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol OP is 24 and has been engaged for 7 years?

Sorry I do realize that my OP read like we were engaged for 7 years. We have been engaged for 2 years and dated 7 years before that. My mistake. Sorry!

I think you need to have some actual life experience before you get married, since you are clearly still very immature.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine not being able to see my adult child alone just because I want to spend 1:1 time with him without setting off his fiance’s alarm bells. Seriously, that is just ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im 40 and have been married for 10 years and dated for a couple before that. We see our local parents on our on own all the time. When one of them asks for their kid to come over its assumed its alone unless the spouse is invited for a thing (dinner, snack etc). We are both close with our parents. Im an only child and dh is the oldest and only son. Noone is ever offended. We spend plenty if time with them as a married unit. I have also went to see my MIL alone and took her to the dr when it was breast cancer as that was far more comfortable for her. Let it go. Let your partners parents have time with their kid without explanations prior to visits. Treating you as family also means expecting you to respect them wanting to spend time with their kid. They don't invite all their kids at the same time anytime they want yo see a grown kid.

See maybe it's a cultural or regional thing because with our circle of family/friends if they say hey do you want to come over for dinner it's assumed the invite is for both of us unless it's specified otherwise just like in my OP. If this was a brand new relationship it would be different but given that we live together and the length of time we been together it would be extremely tiresome to ask each and every time is my partner invited too? After so many years it's kind of assumed for family functions or dinner invitations that we operate as a social unit unless otherwise specified.

Now gender specific events that are labeled as girl's/guy's nights that would be different but other than that dinners and family get together's are assumed it's for both members of the couple in our circle.

To be clear my partner has seen his mom alone but maybe he has been wrong all these years in assuming it's ok to bring me when he does? It would be odd then if that's the case for his mom to not say anything for 7 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol OP is 24 and has been engaged for 7 years?

Sorry I do realize that my OP read like we were engaged for 7 years. We have been engaged for 2 years and dated 7 years before that. My mistake. Sorry!

You all have been together since you were 15?!? And just not getting married? 😬 yikes!