Feeling kind of hurt but also paranoid

[Anonymous]

I have been with my fiance for 7 years and we have a wedding date set for next year. We love about 15 minutes from his mom and I consider myself close to her and my fiance told her she just texted him asking if he can come over one night this week after work alone? I can't help but feel a little hurt because she didn't give any context? It was almost like she didn't realize how after all these years of being used to me and fiance coming over together how it would look or come across. I'm now feeling paranoid that she has something negative to say about me or something. I can't think of anything as there as far as I know has never been issues or drama between us. I'm wondering what could be going on as in the 7 years we been together she has never asked that of my fiance.

[Anonymous]

Oh also wanted to add I know she considers me a part of the family by now just by her actions and how often I have been around her and how well we know each other so I know it isn't a matter of if there is a family issue going on I'm almost 100% positive she wouldn't leave me out of the discussion? At least I would hope not...

[Anonymous]

Are you the troll how makes up stories about their pathological insecurity regarding their future or present MIL?

Please stop.

[Anonymous]

Don't borrow trouble, OP. For all you know, she has a piece of heirloom jewelry she wants to give him to give to you.

[Anonymous]

I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

That's a good point and could be true but like I said after all these years and time together I know she considers me a part of his family and I don't think she would leave me out as her FDIL of something like that because I'm sure she knows my fiance would tell me and she would know news like this would effect me as well given that we are close. I highly doubt that's the case. IF we werent close I would be more inclined to agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't borrow trouble, OP. For all you know, she has a piece of heirloom jewelry she wants to give him to give to you.

Ohh yeah good point. She doesn't ave any daughters just 2 sons so maybe she has jewelry that she wants to give to me as a surprise for a wedding gift or something. Oh to be clear all I said to my fiance was that I hope everything is alright. To be fair I do think it's human nature and not necessarily "borrowing trouble" to be a little concerned or curious however you want to word it if all of a sudden after this amount of time my fiance is being asked not to bring me when that has never happened in all the years we been together. Of course rationally and deep down I know it's probably nothing.

[Anonymous]

You need to require more of yourself right now. Your fiancé can go visit his mother without it being something negative or about you.

And for argument’s sake, let’s say she has asked him to come over so she can speak badly about you. Okay. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. It will be information that will help you moving forward. What will be most important is how your fiancé responds.

Until you know what it’s about, there’s no need to spend another second thinking about it. Don’t write the story that hasn’t been written. Have confidence in yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way, even if it’s difficult.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you are making this about you. There is a million things I could think of but not once would I think she would be trash talking me. Please worry about your relationship instead

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried that she is going to give him bad news like that she has cancer or something. My first thought would not be that it had something to do with me.

That's a good point and could be true but like I said after all these years and time together I know she considers me a part of his family and I don't think she would leave me out as her FDIL of something like that because I'm sure she knows my fiance would tell me and she would know news like this would effect me as well given that we are close. I highly doubt that's the case. IF we werent close I would be more inclined to agree.

You’re overthinking it. Sometimes parents just need to talk to their kid one-on-one.

Related, does your fiancé truly never get to see his mom by himself? You make it sound like it’s a really big deal that he would see his mom on his own.

[Anonymous]

You are immature, OP. Your fiancé is allowed to visit his mother without you. In fact, you should encourage it every once in awhile.

[Anonymous]

What did your fiancé say when you brought this up? He has to think you are crazy, right?

[Anonymous]

How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to require more of yourself right now. Your fiancé can go visit his mother without it being something negative or about you.

And for argument’s sake, let’s say she has asked him to come over so she can speak badly about you. Okay. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. It will be information that will help you moving forward. What will be most important is how your fiancé responds.

Until you know what it’s about, there’s no need to spend another second thinking about it. Don’t write the story that hasn’t been written. Have confidence in yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way, even if it’s difficult.

Duh of course he can go visit his mother without it being something negative about me. It was more of there being no context and a sudden change after all these years of us going over together to see her and now there is a completely different request. He has gone over to see his mom without me before because I wasn't available or working late but she has never specifically asked him to come over alone before that's the difference. It just threw me off guard that's all. It was also more the fact there she asked this as if it was a run of the mill request and not like after many years something completely out of the blue. There was no mention of, "Hey I know you and OP come over to see me together but I need help cleaning out the garage and I think going through your childhood things may bore OP I just want some mother/son time." That provides some context. It was just the way it was worded as well. Like this is a completely normal request after years and years of me coming over. No consideration to what I may think of this.

I understand there is nothing I can do to stop it if she is saying bad things about me but again I'm human and being I thought we were close and had a great relationship that would still be hurtful. It isn't even a question to me that my Fiance puts our relationship as the top priority and would shut down any negative talk about me down no matter who it came from. That isn't my worry at all.


But yes you're totally right I need to show more self confidence. So thank you for that!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she has cancer and wants to tell him in private. Why do you automatically think it’s about you?