If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't it OK to be blunt with your spouse that their weight gain is unattractive? I think there is a large category of men who just let themselves go and their wives don't say anything. I would be pissed if my DH grew a beer gut, and I would tell him to lose the weight if he did.

Did nobody ever in your life teach you the value of tact and that the things you say and how you say them have an impact on people?

I value blunt honesty in my marriage over tact. My DH and I both directly tell each other what we want and we do our best to meet each other's needs. I find that system better than what happened in OP's marriage, where it looks like her husband just passive-aggressively sat around for years thinking his wife had become unattractive without telling her. I don't see anything wrong with OP's DH saying he wants her to lose 40lbs. I would have a problem if my DH found me unattractive because of weight gain but waited years to tell me so.

What if the blunt honesty was something like “you are a total dog and there is nothing you could do to change it and I’ll never be attracted to you again?” Some people genuinely think that about their partners, but I don’t think anybody would advise them to say it. Maybe you just love honestly but most people do better with saying things in a way that makes the other person stay feeling good about themselves.

Everybody is different but I’m of the opinion that my husband gets no say in my weight. If he really needs a thinner wife he can go find himself one.

Losing weight is something almost anyone can change. If my DH got fat, I would tell him to lose weight, and that he needed to change how he treated his body. I like having sex with a slim, in-shape DH. I will never be having sex with DH if he got fat, it is just major turnoff for me. My DH knows that, and he takes care of himself accordingly. And I reciprocate by keeping myself in shape as well. If DH was just immutably ugly, well I would have known that going into the marriage. And I would only have myself to blame if I had married an ugly guy and then complained about his looks.

You’re weird but to each their own.

Being and staying physical fit and attractive to your spouse is not weird. No wonder most of the people ( women) are in unhappy marriages or complain about hating their husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women so upset that OPs husband said he was less attracted to her because of weight gain, are the same women who would have no issues telling their husband to lose weight if he needed to. Very hypocritical and sexist.

Why do you think that? I would never tell my husband he needed to lose weight to be attractive to me. That's a horrible thing to say

There are countless threads on here about this topic with OP being a woman and no one says it’s wrong of OP to bring up her husbands weight. Women are sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't it OK to be blunt with your spouse that their weight gain is unattractive? I think there is a large category of men who just let themselves go and their wives don't say anything. I would be pissed if my DH grew a beer gut, and I would tell him to lose the weight if he did.

Did nobody ever in your life teach you the value of tact and that the things you say and how you say them have an impact on people?

I value blunt honesty in my marriage over tact. My DH and I both directly tell each other what we want and we do our best to meet each other's needs. I find that system better than what happened in OP's marriage, where it looks like her husband just passive-aggressively sat around for years thinking his wife had become unattractive without telling her. I don't see anything wrong with OP's DH saying he wants her to lose 40lbs. I would have a problem if my DH found me unattractive because of weight gain but waited years to tell me so.

What if the blunt honesty was something like “you are a total dog and there is nothing you could do to change it and I’ll never be attracted to you again?” Some people genuinely think that about their partners, but I don’t think anybody would advise them to say it. Maybe you just love honestly but most people do better with saying things in a way that makes the other person stay feeling good about themselves.

Everybody is different but I’m of the opinion that my husband gets no say in my weight. If he really needs a thinner wife he can go find himself one.

Losing weight is something almost anyone can change. If my DH got fat, I would tell him to lose weight, and that he needed to change how he treated his body. I like having sex with a slim, in-shape DH. I will never be having sex with DH if he got fat, it is just major turnoff for me. My DH knows that, and he takes care of himself accordingly. And I reciprocate by keeping myself in shape as well. If DH was just immutably ugly, well I would have known that going into the marriage. And I would only have myself to blame if I had married an ugly guy and then complained about his looks.

You’re weird but to each their own.

Being and staying physical fit and attractive to your spouse is not weird. No wonder most of the people ( women) are in unhappy marriages or complain about hating their husband.

No it’s weird that you make such a big deal out of it. What are you guys going to do when you’re in your mid-sixties and butt ugly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women so upset that OPs husband said he was less attracted to her because of weight gain, are the same women who would have no issues telling their husband to lose weight if he needed to. Very hypocritical and sexist.

Why do you think that? I would never tell my husband he needed to lose weight to be attractive to me. That's a horrible thing to say

There are countless threads on here about this topic with OP being a woman and no one says it’s wrong of OP to bring up her husbands weight. Women are sexist.

You could make that point on one of those threads and I’d you did I’d back you up.

- NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All these women so upset that OPs husband said he was less attracted to her because of weight gain, are the same women who would have no issues telling their husband to lose weight if he needed to. Very hypocritical and sexist.

Why do you think that? I would never tell my husband he needed to lose weight to be attractive to me. That's a horrible thing to say

There are countless threads on here about this topic with OP being a woman and no one says it’s wrong of OP to bring up her husbands weight. Women are sexist.

You could make that point on one of those threads and I’d you did I’d back you up.

- NP

Oh and I’m glad to see you care so much about encouraging people to be kind to their partners!

[Anonymous]

God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

Women can do whatever and day whatever but god forbid someone says something about them. So pathetic and sexist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would very quickly lose about 175lbs and find a better spouse

Damn you're huge

Damn, you’re dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

Your post is disingenuous, and you damn well know it. The OP described being overweight. That’s it. Nothing about how she smelled, skin, etc. Just being heavier than she had been, but otherwise attractive and a terrific partner.

My DH has gained weight through the course of our marriage and *because I still like him as a person* we’re still happily married. This idea that partners deserve to be maximally sexually attracted to their spouses for all time is BS. Grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

Your post is disingenuous, and you damn well know it. The OP described being overweight. That’s it. Nothing about how she smelled, skin, etc. Just being heavier than she had been, but otherwise attractive and a terrific partner.

My DH has gained weight through the course of our marriage and *because I still like him as a person* we’re still happily married. This idea that partners deserve to be maximally sexually attracted to their spouses for all time is BS. Grow the hell up.

I'm not the PP, who is being over the top. But a woman gaining 40 lbs is big weight gain. I doubt I would be attracted to my wife if she gained 40lbs. A request to lose 40 lbs is not a demand for maximal sexual attractiveness, it is a request for a return to something approaching a normal weight and a realistic acknowledgment that weight loss is necessary to restore physical attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

Your post is disingenuous, and you damn well know it. The OP described being overweight. That’s it. Nothing about how she smelled, skin, etc. Just being heavier than she had been, but otherwise attractive and a terrific partner.

My DH has gained weight through the course of our marriage and *because I still like him as a person* we’re still happily married. This idea that partners deserve to be maximally sexually attracted to their spouses for all time is BS. Grow the hell up.

I'm not the PP, who is being over the top. But a woman gaining 40 lbs is big weight gain. I doubt I would be attracted to my wife if she gained 40lbs. A request to lose 40 lbs is not a demand for maximal sexual attractiveness, it is a request for a return to something approaching a normal weight and a realistic acknowledgment that weight loss is necessary to restore physical attraction.

Why don't you have this chat with your wife and return here and tell us her response. How much would be an "ok" amount of weight to gain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

Your post is disingenuous, and you damn well know it. The OP described being overweight. That’s it. Nothing about how she smelled, skin, etc. Just being heavier than she had been, but otherwise attractive and a terrific partner.

My DH has gained weight through the course of our marriage and *because I still like him as a person* we’re still happily married. This idea that partners deserve to be maximally sexually attracted to their spouses for all time is BS. Grow the hell up.

I'm not the PP, who is being over the top. But a woman gaining 40 lbs is big weight gain. I doubt I would be attracted to my wife if she gained 40lbs. A request to lose 40 lbs is not a demand for maximal sexual attractiveness, it is a request for a return to something approaching a normal weight and a realistic acknowledgment that weight loss is necessary to restore physical attraction.

Why don't you have this chat with your wife and return here and tell us her response. How much would be an "ok" amount of weight to gain?

NP, this isn't fair. Unless there is a medical condition, and even if there is, partners should work together to stay healthy. That includes being able to talk about weight gain as well as what makes us attracted to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't it OK to be blunt with your spouse that their weight gain is unattractive? I think there is a large category of men who just let themselves go and their wives don't say anything. I would be pissed if my DH grew a beer gut, and I would tell him to lose the weight if he did.

Did nobody ever in your life teach you the value of tact and that the things you say and how you say them have an impact on people?

I value blunt honesty in my marriage over tact. My DH and I both directly tell each other what we want and we do our best to meet each other's needs. I find that system better than what happened in OP's marriage, where it looks like her husband just passive-aggressively sat around for years thinking his wife had become unattractive without telling her. I don't see anything wrong with OP's DH saying he wants her to lose 40lbs. I would have a problem if my DH found me unattractive because of weight gain but waited years to tell me so.

What if the blunt honesty was something like “you are a total dog and there is nothing you could do to change it and I’ll never be attracted to you again?” Some people genuinely think that about their partners, but I don’t think anybody would advise them to say it. Maybe you just love honestly but most people do better with saying things in a way that makes the other person stay feeling good about themselves.

Everybody is different but I’m of the opinion that my husband gets no say in my weight. If he really needs a thinner wife he can go find himself one.

Losing weight is something almost anyone can change. If my DH got fat, I would tell him to lose weight, and that he needed to change how he treated his body. I like having sex with a slim, in-shape DH. I will never be having sex with DH if he got fat, it is just major turnoff for me. My DH knows that, and he takes care of himself accordingly. And I reciprocate by keeping myself in shape as well. If DH was just immutably ugly, well I would have known that going into the marriage. And I would only have myself to blame if I had married an ugly guy and then complained about his looks.

You’re weird but to each their own.

Being and staying physical fit and attractive to your spouse is not weird. No wonder most of the people ( women) are in unhappy marriages or complain about hating their husband.

No it’s weird that you make such a big deal out of it. What are you guys going to do when you’re in your mid-sixties and butt ugly?

There are plenty of people in their mid-sixties and not "butt ugly." What a weird thing to say.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. This is awful. I’d find it strange if anyone doing any sort of body modification for another person actually helped the relationship - unless you’re really into that sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God, so many hypocritical women on this thread. You didn't care what your husband looked like when you met him and fell for him? And you would be sexually interested in him now regardless of his appearance? He could weigh 300 pounds, smell like old cheese, have zits all over, yellow teeth, and so on, and you would still be sextually attracted to him? Give me a break.

I guess so. My sexual attraction to my husband really doesn’t fluctuate based on his appearance. When we met, he lifted weights a lot, and he was bigger and more muscular than he is now. He also had fewer wrinkles and a full head of hair. Now, he is skinny and balding with an occasional neck beard and hair starting to grow on his back and shoulders. You know what, it really doesn’t affect how I feel about him.
He is my life partner. He is the father of my children. He was there for me when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and later when she died. I stood by him when he was from his job and didn’t know what he was going to do. We make each other laugh every single day. No. I don’t care if he has zits or hair on his back, no hair on his head, yellowing teeth, or a beer belly. I still love him exactly the same, and I still want to express that in a physical way.