If you lost weight for your spouse, did it help your marriage?

[Anonymous]

I think if it's said in love, it's a healthy comment to have. Being overweight affects your health, mood, abilities, mental thinking. It's just not healthy. If you are within a normal weight, I'd be annoyed but if reaching the overweight category or obese, I think it's a reasonable comment. Especially if the person is encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Did not help my marriage. Is definitely helping my divorce. 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife told me I was getting fat and that I needed to lose some weight. She also told me my weight gain lessened her attraction to me. So I lost 40 pounds and got really into fitness. No more dad bod. It improved our sex lives quite a bit. My wife gets a "Christmas morning" look on her face right before sex sometimes that did not happen when I was chubby. One side effect though is that I now get a lot more attention from other women, and it is challenging to reject temptation. So far so good though.

Challenging how? Is cheating an option for you?

[Anonymous]

There's no reason you have to eat boring, monotonous food to lose weight. Eat what you like. Just eat less of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife told me I was getting fat and that I needed to lose some weight. She also told me my weight gain lessened her attraction to me. So I lost 40 pounds and got really into fitness. No more dad bod. It improved our sex lives quite a bit. My wife gets a "Christmas morning" look on her face right before sex sometimes that did not happen when I was chubby. One side effect though is that I now get a lot more attention from other women, and it is challenging to reject temptation. So far so good though.

Challenging how? Is cheating an option for you?

Since I have lost weight and found a new job, there have been a couple of very attractive younger women who have come on to me at work and confessed that they are attracted to me. They know I am married. I have kept my distance but avoiding the temptation is challenging. It is not easy for most guys to turn down sex from hot women. I am married, not dead.

[Anonymous]

The alternative, OP, was he didn't tell you, your sex life worsened, and he found excitement elsewhere. We can yell and fuss about how crappy that is, but I'm being realistic.

Good for you for pushing yourself to be a good partner to him, and hopefully he returns the favor.

[Anonymous]

Since I have lost weight and found a new job, there have been a couple of very attractive younger women who have come on to me at work and confessed that they are attracted to me. They know I am married. I have kept my distance but avoiding the temptation is challenging. It is not easy for most guys to turn down sex from hot women. I am married, not dead.

You might want to think about the messages you are putting out if random women are telling you they are attracted to you. If you had boundaries in the first place and acted professionally without engaging in personal talk and flirting, this would not happen.

[Anonymous]

^ +1
Sounds like he is seeking validation and ego strokes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the same weight as when I met my husband. Before meeting him, I was fat and never had any dates. Then I lost weight and had plenty of dates. So I realized earlier than most women that staying thin is very important for most men being attracted to you. I feel bad for women who are good hearted people but don’t understand this. Good luck OP.

What? Most women I know learned this in elementary school, and it’s why there’s such high rates of low self esteem, mental illness, eating disorders, and suicide attempts among teenage girls. You can’t go out in public without being bombarded with messages about what’s attractive.

The real issue is why do we place so much value on what men find attractive. Eat well and move your body to be healthy, not because some gross fat loser dude thinks women need to be a size 2.

As a radical feminist I don't place much value on what men find attractive. I admire women who do not wear clothing or invest in an appearance which is engineered to appeal to the male gaze. However, I do place value on what I want out of life and how I will achieve those objectives. My personal objectives include being married to a man and raising a family. Most men (not just "gross fat loser dudes"), part of marriage is a sexual relationship with someone they are physically attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Typically a marriage contract stimulates allowable weight gain

[Anonymous]

OP - I was 159lbs after I delivered my baby. I’m 5’2. I was surprised at how awful I felt for months - I had several PPA and the SSRI’s did not help with weight loss. I lost 35lbs and my husband loved me at post partum and my body now. He’s never commented on it.

Although, when I discussed the weight changes he said he didn’t care. He said if I had gained a significant amount of weight (like … 100lbs from my normal weight), he would have said something out of concern for my health and well-being.

I think your husbands delivery of it was really, really poor and I can only imagine how much it hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 15 years asked me to lose weight. He said that he wasn’t attracted to me and hadn’t been in a long time. I am a fairly highly paid professional, a good mom, a good partner and friend to him, and a creative and fun sexual partner. Why can’t he overlook this one thing?

Did you ask him to make more $ saying you weren't attracted to what he provides?

Gross and dated analogy: men’s value is their earning potential and women’s is their body?
She said she is a successful professional.

Hello: it is 2022!

[Anonymous]

Your post makes me sad.

I would be hurt and resentful if I were you also.

I suggest marriage counseling because it seems like you are feeling like your commitment to each other is not balanced.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband of 15 years asked me to lose weight. He said that he wasn’t attracted to me and hadn’t been in a long time. I am a fairly highly paid professional, a good mom, a good partner and friend to him, and a creative and fun sexual partner. Why can’t he overlook this one thing?

Did you ask him to make more $ saying you weren't attracted to what he provides?

Gross and dated analogy: men’s value is their earning potential and women’s is their body?
She said she is a successful professional.

Hello: it is 2022!

Nothing about the OP says 2022 either, which PP highlighted nicely .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I commend your partner for being honest with you. It is most likely better for your health, isn't it? 40 pounds is not a little bit to lose, were you obese? I think maybe he didn't frame it well.... you want to feel appreciated for all your great qualities- your successful career, as a good Mother, friend, etc. and you feel like he is instead focused only on this superficial physical quality. Communication is so important in a relationship, have you tried talking to him about this and how you are feeling unappreciated for all the seemingly more important qualities you have? Losing weight and getting in shape takes time and effort, and if you are super busy with kids/home/career/community, it is an added burden to do it on a somewhat empty stomach and to exercise with already limited time. Does he realize what he is asking of you? Also, is this something you want for yourself, too, or is this entirely for him? Talk to him about all this so he sees your point of view before the resentment builds up too much and hurts your relationship.

The first line of this post is not it. Not everything we think or feel needs to be shared. Some people who fancy themselves honest are actually just jerks who also let everybody know they are jerks.