Is this a cultural difference? Indian MIL bringing food to our event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be gracious and give her specific dish that you have her bring. Perhaps it's an appetizer or dessert and make sure she knows that it's all hers. She will be thrilled to be included and you will be able to manage what she brings and plan the rest of your meal accordingly.

This is what I do with my MIL. We are Italian and definitely show love through food. I gave up long ago on telling her she didn't need to bring food and switched to asking her to bring a dessert. She feels loved and needed. The kids eat a few more cookies. Best solution all around.

+1. This is what a person would good social skills would do. But I suspect OP is a troll who just wants to bash her Indian mother in law’s lculture.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

The tradition of overstepping boundaries with your daughter-in-law is not one that needs to be respected in any country. By the way, being racist is assuming an older Indian woman is too stupid to read the room because she’s from because she’s of a different ethnicity.

MIL isn’t stupid and there’s nothing wrong with what she did. Nice try deflecting though racist.

Excellent reasoning skills. Lol.

Better than yours. I guess you’re too stupid to know why you’re wrong though.

[Anonymous]

I'm an Indian though raised outside India. My mom is just like this, it is her love language. I am a mom myself now to 3 sons and I get it now. I would want to bring food for my adult sons as it is one of the main ways I have to show them love. I would be devastated if I were asked to stop. Just let it go OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian though raised outside India. My mom is just like this, it is her love language. I am a mom myself now to 3 sons and I get it now. I would want to bring food for my adult sons as it is one of the main ways I have to show them love. I would be devastated if I were asked to stop. Just let it go OP

Why is it about your love language and not how your adult sons and their partners want to receive you and your love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

Only a child continues to throw a tantrum demanding explanation on why she can’t do what she wants (against the wishes of the host) in someone else’s house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

Only a child continues to throw a tantrum demanding explanation on why she can’t do what she wants (against the wishes of the host) in someone else’s house.

MIL is bringing food to a party, not destroying the furniture. If the host specifically wants to instruct her MIL to bring the food, she (or her husband ideally) should say so clearly. But I think it’s rude to reject a gift of food or drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian though raised outside India. My mom is just like this, it is her love language. I am a mom myself now to 3 sons and I get it now. I would want to bring food for my adult sons as it is one of the main ways I have to show them love. I would be devastated if I were asked to stop. Just let it go OP

Why is it about your love language and not how your adult sons and their partners want to receive you and your love?

OP didn’t tell her MIL not to bring food. She says her MIL “always” brings food. She just doesn’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an Indian though raised outside India. My mom is just like this, it is her love language. I am a mom myself now to 3 sons and I get it now. I would want to bring food for my adult sons as it is one of the main ways I have to show them love. I would be devastated if I were asked to stop. Just let it go OP

Why is it about your love language and not how your adult sons and their partners want to receive you and your love?

OP didn’t tell her MIL not to bring food. She says her MIL “always” brings food. She just doesn’t like it.

You should probably go back and read the updates. Food was not supposed to be for the event and the amount was discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

Only a child continues to throw a tantrum demanding explanation on why she can’t do what she wants (against the wishes of the host) in someone else’s house.

MIL is bringing food to a party, not destroying the furniture. If the host specifically wants to instruct her MIL to bring the food, she (or her husband ideally) should say so clearly. But I think it’s rude to reject a gift of food or drink.

I was actually referring to you, not MIL. But wow, some of you really turn yourself into knots justifying overstepping in other people's houses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

Only a child continues to throw a tantrum demanding explanation on why she can’t do what she wants (against the wishes of the host) in someone else’s house.

MIL is bringing food to a party, not destroying the furniture. If the host specifically wants to instruct her MIL to bring the food, she (or her husband ideally) should say so clearly. But I think it’s rude to reject a gift of food or drink.

I was actually referring to you, not MIL. But wow, some of you really turn yourself into knots justifying overstepping in other people's houses!

There are multiple people responding to (or more accurately, disagreeing) with you. Bringing food to someone’s house isn’t a big deal-you need to unclench and try to look for the good in people (generosity is a good thing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be gracious and give her specific dish that you have her bring. Perhaps it's an appetizer or dessert and make sure she knows that it's all hers. She will be thrilled to be included and you will be able to manage what she brings and plan the rest of your meal accordingly.

This is what I do with my MIL. We are Italian and definitely show love through food. I gave up long ago on telling her she didn't need to bring food and switched to asking her to bring a dessert. She feels loved and needed. The kids eat a few more cookies. Best solution all around.

+1. This is what a person would good social skills would do. But I suspect OP is a troll who just wants to bash her Indian mother in law’s lculture.”

This is the weekly Indian bashing post of DCUM, dressed up as “curiosity about culture.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cultural difference.

It would be rude of her to show up without bringing a dish. Indian moms feed people. It’s definitely a love language.

For the entire event not to have any food from the elder woman in the family would be weird and relegates her to the level of all the non family guests that just show up and eat.

This! It’s such an accurate description of the emotions behind bringing food AND participating in the act of hosting. My MiL (also Indian) cannot sit back and relax. She has to be serving and seeing to guests, even if everyone else is relaxing. There is nothing to do about it. I let her do her thing, even if I’m sitting and socializing with friends. Working makes her happy and relaxing with guests makes me happy, so in the end it works well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

You still haven’t articulated why the lady’s actions were actually harmful other than “it’s not American,” so you can take your passive aggressive ”well wishes” and pi$$ right off.

Only a child continues to throw a tantrum demanding explanation on why she can’t do what she wants (against the wishes of the host) in someone else’s house.

MIL is bringing food to a party, not destroying the furniture. If the host specifically wants to instruct her MIL to bring the food, she (or her husband ideally) should say so clearly. But I think it’s rude to reject a gift of food or drink.

I was actually referring to you, not MIL. But wow, some of you really turn yourself into knots justifying overstepping in other people's houses!

There are multiple people responding to (or more accurately, disagreeing) with you. Bringing food to someone’s house isn’t a big deal-you need to unclench and try to look for the good in people (generosity is a good thing).

+100. I think OP is a sneaky troll but did a good job getting the low key racists all worked up to bash the poor Indian lady who just brought some food over.

[Anonymous]

Since your husband was born in the US, he may not o ow whatever customs may have caused her behavior.

I’ve seen families from various parts of India bring their own food instead of eat in a restaurant. The women went to the car, brought back the containers and set up the meal at tables outside the National Aquarium. It’s not the same as your catered meal, but I do know for some Indian cultures (it’s a huge country with lots of differences between regions) some people bring their own food to things.