Is this a cultural difference? Indian MIL bringing food to our event

[Anonymous]

I am white, raised in the US. DH was born here, but ILs were born in India. When MIL comes to visit from out of state, she always brings food. Usually this is not a big deal. We eat it, or we don’t.

This time, the visit was around a big family event. We hosted a meal at our house for a mix of Indian and non-Indian friends and family members. (Everyone lives in the US and the Indian side of the family regularly eats a mix of Indian and Western food.) We had the meal catered and had tons of food, all of it vegetarian and meeting any stated dietary restrictions. In the middle of the meal, MIL starts pulling out her homemade food and pushing it on people.

It felt rude to me. It’s not her house, she’s not the host, we had plenty of food. DH thinks his mom is nuts in general, but does this seem reasonable to other people?

[Anonymous]

Nope, it's rude.

[Anonymous]

Looks like your MIL is used to always bringing food and did not make a distinction for your catered party. Since it was a family event she felt comfortable sharing her homemade food. I am Indian and my grandmother would always get weirdly competitive when my mom hired cooks for family occasions. She’s go around telling everyone how her own cooking was much better LOL.

[Anonymous]

At some level, it is rude. But, she's done this before and her son thinks she's nuts, so I suggest you focus on that instead of getting angry. You did nothing wrong, you took care of your guests, and she ended up looking like the weirdo.

Yes, I'd be annoyed, too, but if this is her quirk, then its not worth the negative emotional investment.

[Anonymous]

I would think it odd but not rude that she would add her homemade food to a catered buffet, but to put people on the spot with a direct ask to eat and push it on the guests is completely rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some level, it is rude. But, she's done this before and her son thinks she's nuts, so I suggest you focus on that instead of getting angry. You did nothing wrong, you took care of your guests, and she ended up looking like the weirdo.

Yes, I'd be annoyed, too, but if this is her quirk, then its not worth the negative emotional investment.

Eh, I would discuss with husband and ask him to have a chat with her. Perhaps she can bring wine or flowers if she wants to bring a hostess gift going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At some level, it is rude. But, she's done this before and her son thinks she's nuts, so I suggest you focus on that instead of getting angry. You did nothing wrong, you took care of your guests, and she ended up looking like the weirdo.

Yes, I'd be annoyed, too, but if this is her quirk, then its not worth the negative emotional investment.

+1 she looked like an old crazy lady. You seem like a nice host. Not worth your time.

[Anonymous]

It is odd but not a big deal. Some people nurture through food. If she only eats her own food, it might be that she has sensitive bowels or doesn't feel 100% confident that the other foods will be compliant with her needs (or religious rules). Honestly I would really try to let it go, it seems harmless in the end.

[Anonymous]

It was an event for friends and families not a State dinner. She didn't throw out food you had planned to serve or try to make "better" versions, she just wanted to share because that is how she treats friends & family.

Any reasonable person had heard about Indian, Italian, Jewish. . . mothers and feeding others. Ideally she shouldn't have pushed it on others but they are adults and can hold their own.

[Anonymous]

Next time order a little less food and buy her ingredients to cook and offer both to guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am white, raised in the US. DH was born here, but ILs were born in India. When MIL comes to visit from out of state, she always brings food. Usually this is not a big deal. We eat it, or we don’t.

This time, the visit was around a big family event. We hosted a meal at our house for a mix of Indian and non-Indian friends and family members. (Everyone lives in the US and the Indian side of the family regularly eats a mix of Indian and Western food.) We had the meal catered and had tons of food, all of it vegetarian and meeting any stated dietary restrictions. In the middle of the meal, MIL starts pulling out her homemade food and pushing it on people.

It felt rude to me. It’s not her house, she’s not the host, we had plenty of food. DH thinks his mom is nuts in general, but does this seem reasonable to other people?

💯 cultural. Next time put her food out with everything else. She will not stop bringing food. She will push it on others. Look for ways to mitigate the impact. Like she could do
Appetizers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was an event for friends and families not a State dinner. She didn't throw out food you had planned to serve or try to make "better" versions, she just wanted to share because that is how she treats friends & family.

Agreed. I don't get the sense that she was trying to upstage you, it just seems like preparing and offering food is her love language. I understand that it could be frustrating to you, but maybe you'll feel better if you think of all the other things she could have done:

She could have written a song about her dearest child, your DH, and sung it for the crowd.
She could have picked political fights with everyone at the table.
She could have refused to eat and locked herself in the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Be gracious and give her specific dish that you have her bring. Perhaps it's an appetizer or dessert and make sure she knows that it's all hers. She will be thrilled to be included and you will be able to manage what she brings and plan the rest of your meal accordingly.

[Anonymous]

No, she's rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am white, raised in the US. DH was born here, but ILs were born in India. When MIL comes to visit from out of state, she always brings food. Usually this is not a big deal. We eat it, or we don’t.

This time, the visit was around a big family event. We hosted a meal at our house for a mix of Indian and non-Indian friends and family members. (Everyone lives in the US and the Indian side of the family regularly eats a mix of Indian and Western food.) We had the meal catered and had tons of food, all of it vegetarian and meeting any stated dietary restrictions. In the middle of the meal, MIL starts pulling out her homemade food and pushing it on people.

It felt rude to me. It’s not her house, she’s not the host, we had plenty of food. DH thinks his mom is nuts in general, but does this seem reasonable to other people?

💯 cultural. Next time put her food out with everything else. She will not stop bringing food. She will push it on others. Look for ways to mitigate the impact. Like she could do
Appetizers.

+1