Is this a cultural difference? Indian MIL bringing food to our event

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful replies. I get wanting to feed people. I love cooking & feeding people. If she’d asked me to put out her dishes, I’d have done it. I think the bigger thing is that she didn’t think to ask us if it was ok to put it out, because she didn’t recognize us as the hosts. DH and I tend to have other boundary issues with MIL, and I think this played into that. And hit a particularly sore spot because it was around food.

Seems to me you are burying the lede.

(I'm Indian and have extraordinarily boundary-less parents, so I understand the concept).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was an event for friends and families not a State dinner. She didn't throw out food you had planned to serve or try to make "better" versions, she just wanted to share because that is how she treats friends & family.

Any reasonable person had heard about Indian, Italian, Jewish. . . mothers and feeding others. Ideally she shouldn't have pushed it on others but they are adults and can hold their own.

I could kind of see my Korean mom doing this, too. Making food for your loved ones is how certain cultures express their love. It's cultural, and I think you need to maybe take a step back and understand her culture better.

My mother is now in her 80s and has dementia. I've been thinking a lot lately about how she parented and behaved. I couldn't understand some of what she did having grown up here and being "Americanized", but as I have gotten older, and being a parent myself, I am now seeing that the way she parented is all cultural. She didn't mean to be rude. She's stuck in 1960's Korean culture.

[Anonymous]

Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I agree. More food at the party would never bother me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

[Anonymous]

only American moms get offended at their MILs bringing extra food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Ok racist

[Anonymous]

She is nuts but I would let it go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Ummm no I am a self-loving Indian but I don’t want someone serving days old food at my party after they promised not to. You can call me a control freak if you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

The tradition of overstepping boundaries with your daughter-in-law is not one that needs to be respected in any country. By the way, being racist is assuming an older Indian woman is too stupid to read the room because she’s from because she’s of a different ethnicity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

NP. You don’t get to decide what “problems” are for other people, or what they need to be thankful for. Should she show her MIL the same grave you’re showing, OP? This thread really hit a nerve with some people.