Is this a cultural difference? Indian MIL bringing food to our event

[Anonymous]

*grace

[Anonymous]

if she had come through the door with a plate and gave it to you / put it in the kitchen that would be one thing, but pulling shit out of her bag after people started eating - that's really weird, like she brought an "alternative" if the food wasn't good enough.

what can you do though? what could you possibly say? "please don't do that next time" maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

The tradition of overstepping boundaries with your daughter-in-law is not one that needs to be respected in any country. By the way, being racist is assuming an older Indian woman is too stupid to read the room because she’s from because she’s of a different ethnicity.

MIL isn’t stupid and there’s nothing wrong with what she did. Nice try deflecting though racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Good luck to you and your relationships. Look at you posting as though it's okay to do whatever you want in someone else's home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Reasons have been listed. You just don’t want to hear them because you have the lens “racism.”

When I go to an Indian friend’s house for dinner…I don’t bring a platter of pork and beef hotdogs because I’ve been raised in the USA and that’s how we do things (according to you). When I’ve asked in the past and been told it’s okay to bring a dish…I prepare a vegetarian item. When I go to an Asian friend home, and I know they don’t wear shoes in their home…I leave my shoes at the door.

If I were OP, not sure I’d say anything, but I can definitely understand why she’s annoyed and thinks the behavior is strange/rude. It is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

NP. You don’t get to decide what “problems” are for other people, or what they need to be thankful for. Should she show her MIL the same grave you’re showing, OP? This thread really hit a nerve with some people.

Why should I show grace (I assume you don’t mean grave) to someone as petty as the OP? In a world where millions don’t have enough to eat, she’s whining about someone bringing extra food to her party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

The tradition of overstepping boundaries with your daughter-in-law is not one that needs to be respected in any country. By the way, being racist is assuming an older Indian woman is too stupid to read the room because she’s from because she’s of a different ethnicity.

MIL isn’t stupid and there’s nothing wrong with what she did. Nice try deflecting though racist.

Excellent reasoning skills. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

NP. You don’t get to decide what “problems” are for other people, or what they need to be thankful for. Should she show her MIL the same grave you’re showing, OP? This thread really hit a nerve with some people.

Why should I show grace (I assume you don’t mean grave) to someone as petty as the OP? In a world where millions don’t have enough to eat, she’s whining about someone bringing extra food to her party.

I’d suggest some therapy. You are very bitter and angry. I hope your day improves. Sincerely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Reasons have been listed. You just don’t want to hear them because you have the lens “racism.”

When I go to an Indian friend’s house for dinner…I don’t bring a platter of pork and beef hotdogs because I’ve been raised in the USA and that’s how we do things (according to you). When I’ve asked in the past and been told it’s okay to bring a dish…I prepare a vegetarian item. When I go to an Asian friend home, and I know they don’t wear shoes in their home…I leave my shoes at the door.

If I were OP, not sure I’d say anything, but I can definitely understand why she’s annoyed and thinks the behavior is strange/rude. It is.

What parties do you go to that you think it’s ok to attend empty handed? Whenever I’m invited to a dinner party, I bring something, whether it be an extra food item or dessert, wine, or flowers. The host/hostess rarely tells me: please bring X. All the other guests I’ve seen largely do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

NP. You don’t get to decide what “problems” are for other people, or what they need to be thankful for. Should she show her MIL the same grave you’re showing, OP? This thread really hit a nerve with some people.

Why should I show grace (I assume you don’t mean grave) to someone as petty as the OP? In a world where millions don’t have enough to eat, she’s whining about someone bringing extra food to her party.

Lol. Feedings days old Indian food to already-catered guests. Yes, MIL is Mother Theresa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

Cool, cool, thanks for reminding us that even younger Indians have no boundaries!

Bringing food to contribute to a party is not a problem. Thank your lucky stars OP that your life is so easy that you see this as a problem that needs solving. Show your MIL a little grace.

NP. You don’t get to decide what “problems” are for other people, or what they need to be thankful for. Should she show her MIL the same grave you’re showing, OP? This thread really hit a nerve with some people.

Why should I show grace (I assume you don’t mean grave) to someone as petty as the OP? In a world where millions don’t have enough to eat, she’s whining about someone bringing extra food to her party.

I’d suggest some therapy. You are very bitter and angry. I hope your day improves. Sincerely.

Is that the best comeback you can come up with for being unable to articulate why someone bringing food to a party is behaving badly? Pretty lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great to see all the self hating Indians on here..well played OP, bringing them out. And of course your American born DH thinks his mom is a nut. It’s one of the most cliched dynamics around. US born Indian child thinks their parent who does nice things like bring home cooked food to a party is crazy. I’m Indian born and 30, for the posters who want to reply “hey OP’s MIL!”

I’ll just state the obvious, but, we’re not in India. Having the self-awareness and emotional maturity to look around you and see what others are doing is a sign of being an adult. Ask your adult children what they need/want. Grow as a human. Bringing food, and being pushy about it, is just symptomatic of a MIL that doesn’t respect boundaries…and that transcends cultures. Go ahead and gaslight OP, and me, with the racist word. It’s just way to justify rude behavior.

Nice try acting the victim while using the hallmark phrase of racists everywhere, “we’re not in [foreign country in question] anymore,” implying that you better act like an American, otherwise you’re not “grown” as a human. How dehumanizing to immigrants who may have different traditions and mindsets, none of which are inferior to Americans’.

Or just follow what your adult children ask in their home. You can keep going on as you are, but we see you have no actual argument or reason MIL cannot listen to her adult child and his spouse.

Neither you nor OP have any actual reason or argument as to why what the MIL did is actually a problem, other than “I’m American and my norms are right. Yours are wrong.”

Reasons have been listed. You just don’t want to hear them because you have the lens “racism.”

When I go to an Indian friend’s house for dinner…I don’t bring a platter of pork and beef hotdogs because I’ve been raised in the USA and that’s how we do things (according to you). When I’ve asked in the past and been told it’s okay to bring a dish…I prepare a vegetarian item. When I go to an Asian friend home, and I know they don’t wear shoes in their home…I leave my shoes at the door.

If I were OP, not sure I’d say anything, but I can definitely understand why she’s annoyed and thinks the behavior is strange/rude. It is.

What parties do you go to that you think it’s ok to attend empty handed? Whenever I’m invited to a dinner party, I bring something, whether it be an extra food item or dessert, wine, or flowers. The host/hostess rarely tells me: please bring X. All the other guests I’ve seen largely do the same.

5 pages and we have reached the troll stage. You are just making stuff up to get responses. Of course you understand the difference between a guest bringing flowers and MIL feeding guests old food at a catered party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be gracious and give her specific dish that you have her bring. Perhaps it's an appetizer or dessert and make sure she knows that it's all hers. She will be thrilled to be included and you will be able to manage what she brings and plan the rest of your meal accordingly.

This is what I do with my MIL. We are Italian and definitely show love through food. I gave up long ago on telling her she didn't need to bring food and switched to asking her to bring a dessert. She feels loved and needed. The kids eat a few more cookies. Best solution all around.

[Anonymous]

Eh, it probably is a little bit of a culture thing. Every year, we told my Italian grandmother not to bring ravioli to Thanksgiving. Every year the doorbell rang and she'd be standing there with her homemade ravioli. It's a great memory! Don't sweat it OP.