Is this a cultural difference? Indian MIL bringing food to our event

[Anonymous]

Im Indian born and raised in India. Its really rude to bring food to somebody's party if has not been discussed beforehand.

[Anonymous]

The MIL is from an old-world culture where it doesn't matter who is the host or who arranged the event. In her mind, she's your husband's mother and has a status that is elevated while you're subordinate to her. You think if you pulled the same stunt, she wouldn't be pissed? I'm an Asian immigrant and elders thinking they are better than you by virtue of being older or being a man's mother is something messed up, but it's a thing.

[Anonymous]

My middle eastern MIL was upset I had a caterer at MY WEDDING because she could have made better food. It’s all she talked about the entire week. I laugh about it now. They’re not going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I had a MIL bringing Indian food to my house, I would not be getting territorial about who the host is

And if I were a guest, I'd thoroughly enjoy having the option of her delicious home-cooked food!

[Anonymous]

My white mom, daughter of my immigrant grandparents, would get really anxious if we tried to cater an event, especially if it was food she normally made herself. I imagine she would have made a ton of cookie trays if we had a fully catered meal because otherwise “what would people think.” This is the same woman who once made me take an entire pie home on an airplane in the original glass pie dish in which it was baked. She would have a lot of respect for your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Indian-American. My mom would not do this. Nor would any of our family friends. Nor would my relatives in India. India is a huge country with many, many different cultures and traditions. Without more specifics, it's impossible to make a blanket statement about what your MIL's culture is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had a MIL bringing Indian food to my house, I would not be getting territorial about who the host is

And if I were a guest, I'd thoroughly enjoy having the option of her delicious home-cooked food!

A little quirky but I’d go with it. Probably a mix of love language and power play, whatever.

[Anonymous]

can y’all send your Indian MILs to my house 😂

[Anonymous]

Awwww. My mom does this, and it is totally her love language. She wouldn't dream of going anywhere that she was invited empty-handed, and she does not have the finances or the gift-giving skills that other people have, but she has cooking skills and the time to do that, so that is what she offers. She also does not know how to host events, so I think she feels this is the only way she can contribute.

[Anonymous]

Typical crazy MIL behavior, Indian or not.

[Anonymous]

Wtf?? I’m the child of immigrants… West Indian immigrants and this is completely normal.

In fact it’s expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Typical crazy MIL behavior, Indian or not.

My WASPy MIL would bring some mayo-based dip. Count your blessings, OP

[Anonymous]

Like others have said, it’s cultural. We are Italian and it’s similar. My mother understands after years that she doesn’t need to bring anything but profusely apologizes the entire time because she feels so rude. She only stopped bringing her homemade food now that she has to fly to see us. We have tried to do things like have her come early and make something with our kids, even if the food is being catered. It’s important to understand culture and honestly, we love her cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am white, raised in the US. DH was born here, but ILs were born in India. When MIL comes to visit from out of state, she always brings food. Usually this is not a big deal. We eat it, or we don’t.

This time, the visit was around a big family event. We hosted a meal at our house for a mix of Indian and non-Indian friends and family members. (Everyone lives in the US and the Indian side of the family regularly eats a mix of Indian and Western food.) We had the meal catered and had tons of food, all of it vegetarian and meeting any stated dietary restrictions. In the middle of the meal, MIL starts pulling out her homemade food and pushing it on people.

It felt rude to me. It’s not her house, she’s not the host, we had plenty of food. DH thinks his mom is nuts in general, but does this seem reasonable to other people?

It’s cultural but like 50 years ago. My mom is 80 and wouldn’t even think of doing such thing. I actually can’t even imagine my late grandma doing it without discussing with the hostess, even if it’s her daughter or DIL.

Disagree. This is cultural and happens today as well. My MiL would definitely do something like this but it has never been considered rude by people. But people (including myself) also like my MiL. Your previous boundary issues are playing into this. The act itself should be looked at in a cultural context.

+1. My MIL is from the ME and always brings a dish to our house whether hosting for small or large party. WE love it because she does it out of love and because she's one of the best cooks around. Also, we have a wonderful relationship with MIL so she really can do no wrong. I would never think of bringing food as disrespectful. On the contrary, we could never show up to someone's house empty handed so perhaps the cultural norms are taking over. Here, your rocky relationship with MIL is likely shaping the issue.

[Anonymous]

I am Indian and it is rude IMO. You specifically told her about the catering, and she has no dietary restrictions, but went ahead and did it without telling you. Also, you said she came over a few days before the event - does that mean she served food a few days old?? It’s probably no worse than the restaurant food, but still. When my mother, MIL, or I cook for a party, we do it the day of or the day before.

That being said, to echo PPs, it’s not the worst offense, and she comes off looking like the weirdo, so I would let this go and accept it as her quirk.