Do you feel comfortable approaching your parents for help with large expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never received money from my parents as an adult, nor would I ever ask (unless it were life or death). I believe that adults should take care of themselves.

+1

I don't relate to grown adults who accept money from their elderly parents. If you can't afford your fancy wedding, your house, your addition, your car, private school, whatever - you have to make different choices. No one is entitled to anything. Period. That is precisely what being an adult is. No one has to take a hit for you.

I agree but this excludes a shockingly high percentage of our peer group in this area. Some admit it more freely than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

Lmao, um obviously not.

[Anonymous]

No I would not ask.

Re: giving parents have done the following bug tickets: $10K for wedding when I was 21, $5K for home down payment in mid twenties, $3Kish (?) for flights and hotels to Europe for me and a kid. For the latter they really wanted to take DC and we did not have the $ that year so they covered DC’s ticket and hotel rooms and I bought mine with miles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never received money from my parents as an adult, nor would I ever ask (unless it were life or death). I believe that adults should take care of themselves.

+1

I don't relate to grown adults who accept money from their elderly parents. If you can't afford your fancy wedding, your house, your addition, your car, private school, whatever - you have to make different choices. No one is entitled to anything. Period. That is precisely what being an adult is. No one has to take a hit for you.

I appreciate this, but do so with the recognition that you don’t understand how the wealthy estate plan. My parents have an estate of about $35M. They take advantage of lifetime gifting allowances and trusts/insurance etc for what is a descendent trust. I’ve never asked for money, but receive it anyway. It’s okay if you don’t relate to me as I don’t relate to your judgment of this either.

It must be so hard to be judged. Condolences.

It’s not difficult to be judged by people who simply don’t understand wealth.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? Are you employed? Generally, you shouldn't ask if you are able-bodied adult.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my wedding and I would never ask them for financial help after that. They have been generous enough and I’m an adult so….

[Anonymous]

It’s considered good estate planning for the staggeringly wealthy to offload money to their kids via annual gifts, school tuition, camps. I don’t think there’s a moral issue in the kids accepting, other than the moral issues involved in wealth inequality in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s considered good estate planning for the staggeringly wealthy to offload money to their kids via annual gifts, school tuition, camps. I don’t think there’s a moral issue in the kids accepting, other than the moral issues involved in wealth inequality in the US.

I don’t get gifts from my parents, but this is also what I’ve noticed. A lot of the giving is coming from wealthy grandparents. It doesn’t bother me except when the people receiving these gifts act as if they have the same financial situation (I know several who claim “we work so hard for everything we have”) as the average Joe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never received money from my parents as an adult, nor would I ever ask (unless it were life or death). I believe that adults should take care of themselves.

+1

I don't relate to grown adults who accept money from their elderly parents. If you can't afford your fancy wedding, your house, your addition, your car, private school, whatever - you have to make different choices. No one is entitled to anything. Period. That is precisely what being an adult is. No one has to take a hit for you.

I agree but this excludes a shockingly high percentage of our peer group in this area. Some admit it more freely than others.

Agree. So embarrassing. People have no shame.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My parents both had nothing and are very generous with their money. They funded part of my kid's college, gave us 0% loans, etc. I am really grateful for their support.

I will note that I am in a position where I will receive a 7 figure inheritance. In the instances where it is not a 0% loan (which are always paid back on time), they view the gift as an early inheritance distribution.

[Anonymous]

Parents have paid for each of our weddings. Give a monetary gift when kids were born as well. If we were in dire straits, I'd absolutely ask them for money. I don't think anything wrong of it at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

Can you not afford those things?

+1

I will never understand aging parents who enable their grown adult children.

When the parents are wealthy, it is not viewed as enabling. It is viewed as a gift; an early inheritance. I completely understanding those whose parents are not wealthy turning their nose up at this, but it really a very different scenario when your parents have cash that will absolutely come your way when they die. They want to share it while they are alive, so they get to experience the benefit their gifts provide. We are financially successful (million $ homes, millions in retirement) but in the instances where my parents gave us a loan or a large gift, it was so they could share in the outcome of what they were providing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

Can you not afford those things?

+1

I will never understand aging parents who enable their grown adult children.

When the parents are wealthy, it is not viewed as enabling. It is viewed as a gift; an early inheritance. I completely understanding those whose parents are not wealthy turning their nose up at this, but it really a very different scenario when your parents have cash that will absolutely come your way when they die. They want to share it while they are alive, so they get to experience the benefit their gifts provide. We are financially successful (million $ homes, millions in retirement) but in the instances where my parents gave us a loan or a large gift, it was so they could share in the outcome of what they were providing.

It's also viewed as wise stewardship of money. My parents, through their lifetime exclusions/gifts and trusts and large insurance policies on each heir and principal, ensure that as little estate taxes are paid as possible. I support that, and the wisdom behind not wanting the Government to double dip on their success. I should note that my family is a big believer in charity, they make living donor pledges in the millions and 25% of their estate will go to charity. Annual gifts to the adult children always come with the request (but not requirement) that 10% is donated to charity. I take this personally and pledge 25% of what I get annually in gifting, to charity. I make enough to support myself (375K solo parent) so the gifts just go right into my estate for my children as they grow, I live on what I earn.

[Anonymous]

LOL hell no. I make more than my dad did and my parents are retired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents have paid for each of our weddings. Give a monetary gift when kids were born as well. If we were in dire straits, I'd absolutely ask them for money. I don't think anything wrong of it at all.

Of course you don't...