Do you feel comfortable approaching your parents for help with large expenses?

[Anonymous]

I mean any lump sum over $5,000 or monthly allotment nearing such.

For weddings, maybe childcare expenses, unplanned for home repairs, medical deductibles. Is it something you've gone to them before?

[Anonymous]

For a (1) large expense, or for expenses (plural)? There is a huge difference. My parents helped with our wedding. I would never ask them for medical deductibles, home repairs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Monthly allotment? Whaaaa?

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for my wedding (they offered) and also offered to help with a down payment.

I would never ask.

[Anonymous]

Mid 50s, and since college I have never asked for money - I am an adult and don't spend beyond my means. Who does this?

[Anonymous]

Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

[Anonymous]

I have not asked my parents for money since I was 26 and asked if they could give me $500 so that I could buy an actual bed after moving to a new city for a job (since I wouldn't get my first paycheck for a month due to my start date and my savings were depleted from moving). They gave it and I was grateful. I'm 41 now. They do send money to me unprompted sometimes -- a check in a Christmas card or when my DC was born, for a few thousand dollars, and it's very nice but not something I count on or would ever request.

In the last year or so I have been thinking about starting a business and at first it felt daunting but then it did occur to me I could probably ask my parents to help fund start-up costs. I'm very carefully weighting whether that would be worth it. It is more simple from a financial and paperwork perspective than getting a business loan, but more complex because of the interpersonal dynamics. I'm going to keep thinking about it. I don't think they would resent the ask and I do think they'd probably give it to me if they have it to spare (which they probably do? I don't know that much about their finances). But the thought of asking feels like a lot. I don't ask them for things. We'll see.

[Anonymous]

no! we have borrowed and paid back, but we never had them pay for anything.

[Anonymous]

So DH’s parents will help, but only if he asks. He sort of does a soft ask, though (sort of hints it might be helpful if they could contribute), and then they either ignore it or enthusiastically agree to help. They have helped with a down payment for oir first house, and then once with a large medical expense for one of our kids. The medical expense turned out to be mostly covered by insurance, so we ended up not needing help.

They have offered twice, however, for things we would not have asked for (private school tuition and a new car).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Monthly allotment? Whaaaa?

A lot of people on the RE have gotten $50,000 - $100,000 at a time for down payments as gifts from their parents. What's the difference between that and this? Far less expense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

[Anonymous]

I often help my daughter with buying items for my grandsons especially since the 10 year olds father is not in the picture but she has only ever asked me once to purchase something for them and I happily did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Monthly allotment? Whaaaa?

A lot of people on the RE have gotten $50,000 - $100,000 at a time for down payments as gifts from their parents. What's the difference between that and this? Far less expense.

RE is an investment and one time thing. Why do they need a monthly allotment? Spending beyond means, not keeping steady jobs? Unless there's a specific situation like where there's a sick person in the home with regular medical expenses, etc I don't get this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

DP, but NO! Oh my, if I can't afford the 3k PB set, I don't get it! This is why there is so much debt in America, all the "wants" that they think are needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Monthly allotment? Whaaaa?

A lot of people on the RE have gotten $50,000 - $100,000 at a time for down payments as gifts from their parents. What's the difference between that and this? Far less expense.

RE is an investment and one time thing. Why do they need a monthly allotment? Spending beyond means, not keeping steady jobs? Unless there's a specific situation like where there's a sick person in the home with regular medical expenses, etc I don't get this.

A daycare is a regular monthly expense...