Do you feel comfortable approaching your parents for help with large expenses?

[Anonymous]

No, my parents don’t have a lot of money and we do. My in-laws are better off but not wealthy. Unfortunately, some of their children do ask for significant help and that causes a lot of resentment.

[Anonymous]

Never once asked my parents for money ever since I was in college. They didn't have money to give, i didn't ask for it.

[Anonymous]

I can't imagine trying this. We asked my now ILs if they were willing to help with wedding costs. Hard no as it "wasn't in the budget" (they have plenty in the bank and a healthy pension too). Instead they bought a timeshare the same year that has done nothing but give them grief.

[Anonymous]

No, I figure if they want to help they would. They got lots of help from their parents and have plenty of money. They are stingy. I’d rather live in a homeless shelter or tent then ask them for a dime or take money offered.

[Anonymous]

No, it took me too long to realize how receiving money comes with control and strings. Never plan on going back to that again.

[Anonymous]

When I was newly widowed and juggling daycare, the purchase of a small business, car and roof repairs, etc, my mother handed me a check for $15,000 with the works "not a loan." It was much appreciated and I knew it was a one time event and never received additional funds beyond occasional airline tickets which again were welcome but not expected.

[Anonymous]

I've never asked. They voluntarily paid for my college (something I've only understood to be sufficiently grateful for in retrospect); I've never asked for them to pay anything since. I don't say no if they offer to help with things (on the order of dinner out, groceries when they're visiting, etc.) and if I did need a large expense I couldn't cover for whatever reason, I would ask them for a loan, not a handout. I make more than them these days, anyway, seeing as they're retired.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'd ask if it were something like a medical expense. Unlike all the nos, yes, our parents are pretty generous and have given us substantial amounts of money over the years for a house downpayment, private school, camps, as well as buying us little things -- snowpants and jackets for the kids, musical instruments. I hope to do the same for my children someday.

[Anonymous]

Never. They would never give it. Maybe something like $20 if I promised to pay it back. Yes, $20-not a typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never asked. They voluntarily paid for my college (something I've only understood to be sufficiently grateful for in retrospect); I've never asked for them to pay anything since. I don't say no if they offer to help with things (on the order of dinner out, groceries when they're visiting, etc.) and if I did need a large expense I couldn't cover for whatever reason, I would ask them for a loan, not a handout. I make more than them these days, anyway, seeing as they're retired.

Just wanted to follow this up to say that for me it's not a question of comfort -- I'm pretty sure if I asked, they'd definitely help out with whatever I needed! Which is why I don't want to ask; they're older and I don't want to put any financial burden on them. I will take any and all babysitting they want to do when we visit though...

[Anonymous]

I am the parent and we do help out when needed. I would list the things we've done but it would take too long. Let's just say we cover every holiday, every need, some wants. Easily $20,000 or more spread out through the year for the last 4 years.
Currently we are the gas and grocery parents only because things are getting more and more expensive. My DIL's mother can't help so we do it. Our son is not afraid to ask for help. If we have it we give it. All I ask is they come to us. I can't babysit their lives. Make it easy for me okay ? And they do.
We have two health savings accounts. One for us one for them. They don't know it though. It's there just in case. Grand daughter has severe allergies and now wears glasses. They cannot afford any extras right now. My husband and I feel that's what we need to do. No loans all gifts.
We want our kids to be somewhat stress free. They pat their own bulls but when our son was laid off we paid the mortgage. It was only for 3 months.
Some of my friends look down on us for doing what we do but I really don't care. We get no joy seeing them struggle. Having some help makes them happy and makes us happy.

[Anonymous]

that's pay and bills

[Anonymous]

No. Not unless it was a matter of life or death and we seriously, really needed help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

Not everyone needs or wants help from their parents, what about that do you not understand?

This. I have never whined or asked.

[Anonymous]

No. My parents paid for my wedding when I was 23. ILs gave us a few thousand once to do some home improvements when we bought our first home a few years later. We would have never asked either for any money and there hasn’t been any since.