Do you feel comfortable approaching your parents for help with large expenses?

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for our wedding when we were in our early 20s. I wanted something much simpler that didn’t cost much. My mother wanted a sit down dinner where of the 125 guests, 85 were her friends and our extended family. I didn’t ask for it and she planned the whole thing because I just didn’t care.

I have never outright asked my parents for money since they told me what they were willing to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

No. I would feel like a failure. They did their job raising me and now it is my job to be the parent.

[Anonymous]

Yes, when I was a SAHM in a bad marriage and needed money to get out. My parents gave me about $15k for an attorney and living expenses.

I’m still struggling, so they pay for airlines tickets to see them and cover all the costs when the kids and I visit.

[Anonymous]

Being able to ask parents for money is a privilege not everyone has. DH and I don't ask and haven't received money from our parents because they have no money to loan or give. My in-laws have never even paid for dinner out. It's always our treat. And my in-laws are college educated...just made poor and selfish financial decisions. My father died young while my mom was a SAHM. She lives comfortably within her means. I would NEVER ask her for anything. My parents raised me and made sure I had a good education. Would it be wonderful if our parents paid for our wedding or downpayment? Absolutely. But we manage just fine. It also feels good to be able to remind our friends who "complain" that their parents can but don't help that we do just fine (and our HHI is 220k so nothing crazy extravagant for the DMV area).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, when I was a SAHM in a bad marriage and needed money to get out. My parents gave me about $15k for an attorney and living expenses.

I’m still struggling, so they pay for airlines tickets to see them and cover all the costs when the kids and I visit.

Aww those are good parents. See, this kind of help that warms my heart. But parents just giving $$ to their adult children so those children can live a more luxurious lifestyle than they could otherwise afford feels icky. But when you’re in a hard spot? It’s so wonderful to have people to lean on!!!

[Anonymous]

If we needed help, we could ask my MIL, and one time in our marriage we did ask during the 2008 recession (DH lost job). Luckily we quickly recovered. Other than that one time, we have not asked for any help (we luckily haven’t needed it). It feels good to know you can lean on someone if need be, but it’s also important to strive to be financially independent so YOU can help your family one day.

[Anonymous]

PSA, if you get $$ from your parent(s) TELL YOUR SIBLINGS. And parents, if you are giving $$ to one kid, make sure you offer the same amount to every child.

Uneven financial support is THE quickest and easiest way for to ruin sibling relationships.

I’ve watched it ruin once positive relationships between many sets of siblings. Including my husband’s.

[Anonymous]

No. Sorry I didn’t ask for $2,000 when I was in my 20s. which would have gotten me a credential snd higher salary for years.
When parent learned years later , they were sorry I hadn’t asked. But I figured not their job. Regular expenses? No. I’d need to learn to live on less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it took me too long to realize how receiving money comes with control and strings. Never plan on going back to that again.

This. So this. My parents had buckets of money. Not only did I not ask, but they went out of their way to flaunt it and say...we won't be paying for x, y, z. Um...I never asked. My dad was just a saver. My mom uses it as a weapon. When I refused to go along with an outright lie and my sister did, she made sure I knew that my sister won free private school tuition for the kids. If my dad were still alive he would have reamed her for playing favorites and flaunting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless we were at risk of starving, I would never ask my parents for money. Adults pay their own way.

You never asked or hinted at wedding help or 'oh we'd love this $3,000 set from pottery barn' or complained about daycare expenses for so long they gave in?

I find the American passive-aggressive attitude to get around 'norms' and not admit you've asked for help annoying. You either got the help by asking or whining.

No bc if I want a 3k set from Pottery Barn I would buy it with my own money like a responsible adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

Can you not afford those things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PSA, if you get $$ from your parent(s) TELL YOUR SIBLINGS. And parents, if you are giving $$ to one kid, make sure you offer the same amount to every child.

Uneven financial support is THE quickest and easiest way for to ruin sibling relationships.

I’ve watched it ruin once positive relationships between many sets of siblings. Including my husband’s.

+1 My in-laws paid for one of their grandchildren’s college education and did not offer to pay for the other grandkids’ education. They reasoned that the one kid’s parents were not financially able. That’s because the parent made some bad decisions—no college, constantly fired from jobs, deadbeat dad. They also pay for airfare for the grandchild to visit his own parent. Meanwhile, the college educated kids received not a dime. They have virtually no relationship with in- laws

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid 50s, and since college I have never asked for money - I am an adult and don't spend beyond my means. Who does this?

+1

+2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for our wedding, gave us money for 2 down payments and help pay some of my kids' private school tuition every year. They also have set up significant 529 for my kids. I would not approach them for large purchases but mostly because we can afford our own expenses. They would gladly help us more but I would feel awkward asking. My ILs have not given us any help despite having the means.

Can you not afford those things?

+1

I will never understand aging parents who enable their grown adult children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean any lump sum over $5,000 or monthly allotment nearing such.

For weddings, maybe childcare expenses, unplanned for home repairs, medical deductibles. Is it something you've gone to them before?

You are married and your parents are not responsible for your financial problems. Why should your parents pay for your new roof or any other financial need? If you, or any member of your family, is diagnosed with a medical problem that neccitates that you get a 2nd mortgage or person could die, then I would ask but only under extreme circumstances. My husband and I are financially responsible and you and your DH should try living within your means![youtube]