Husband refuses to allow our child to see unvaccinated family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

She and her husband won’t. It’s in their character.

So does this mean that we will just never see them as a family, ever?!

Maybe. I don’t see my unvaccinated family. I would not see my husband’s unvaccinated family either.

[Anonymous]

OP here -

Ok. My DH is not controlling - he thinks my sister is selfish and is not willing to bend. During Christmas she wanted everyone to wear masks and take COVID tests and quarantine before and after. DH refused to go mainly because of this, but there is resentment there on his part that is somewhat warranted.

My sister and BIL were taken care of by our mom for several years. This was really for no particular reason other than my mom has been my sisters rock and support her entire life. She did her laundry, dishes, cleaned her house and watched her kids full time. My mom has multiple chronic illnesses and it’s not supposed to drive, let alone watch small children full time. My mom missed doctors appointments and has had falls in her home and my sister did not step in and help, this duty fell to me and took a lot of my time helping my mom so she could be well enough to help my sister. This went on for several years until I personally put my foot down because it was taking time away from my family.

It’s for this reason DH thinks she’s selfish and is not willing to go to family events or let her see our son because he feels my sister expects everyone to "cater" (his words, not mine) to her needs regarding her vaccination status.

And yes, I do love my sister and she is the baby of the family. She has been supported heavily by my parents over the past few years and has not reciprocated that support when they needed it so that fell to me. I don’t really know how to communicate this to her - because I know she will shut down or throw a fuss or just NOT understand why we refuse to do whatever she wants. I think I will take the advice and just take my son masked to an outdoor park to see her and her kids. DH let’s DS go to the park during non-busy times and uses hand sanitizer and will usually wipe down swings before he goes on them. He doesn’t just throw caution to the wind and let our son run amok around unknown kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

She and her husband won’t. It’s in their character.

So does this mean that we will just never see them as a family, ever?!

Maybe. I don’t see my unvaccinated family. I would not see my husband’s unvaccinated family either.

but is vaccination status really the only reason?
I used covid as an excuse not to see my family for a very long time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

Ok. My DH is not controlling - he thinks my sister is selfish and is not willing to bend. During Christmas she wanted everyone to wear masks and take COVID tests and quarantine before and after. DH refused to go mainly because of this, but there is resentment there on his part that is somewhat warranted.

My sister and BIL were taken care of by our mom for several years. This was really for no particular reason other than my mom has been my sisters rock and support her entire life. She did her laundry, dishes, cleaned her house and watched her kids full time. My mom has multiple chronic illnesses and it’s not supposed to drive, let alone watch small children full time. My mom missed doctors appointments and has had falls in her home and my sister did not step in and help, this duty fell to me and took a lot of my time helping my mom so she could be well enough to help my sister. This went on for several years until I personally put my foot down because it was taking time away from my family.

It’s for this reason DH thinks she’s selfish and is not willing to go to family events or let her see our son because he feels my sister expects everyone to "cater" (his words, not mine) to her needs regarding her vaccination status.

And yes, I do love my sister and she is the baby of the family. She has been supported heavily by my parents over the past few years and has not reciprocated that support when they needed it so that fell to me. I don’t really know how to communicate this to her - because I know she will shut down or throw a fuss or just NOT understand why we refuse to do whatever she wants. I think I will take the advice and just take my son masked to an outdoor park to see her and her kids. DH let’s DS go to the park during non-busy times and uses hand sanitizer and will usually wipe down swings before he goes on them. He doesn’t just throw caution to the wind and let our son run amok around unknown kids.

This is what the problem is then. Just holding a grudge. Not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child can wear a mask on the airplane, he can wear the mask around your sister. Work on this. Offer better rewards. Start with short duration of mask wearing and work your way up to longer periods. Many children had to mask for school - your child can do this (and has!).

OP, your husband may have strong feelings about this, but it’s not solely his decision to make, and there is some middle ground here. You and your son can wear KN95 masks and meet outdoors at a time of low transmission. He may not like your family, but you still get a say here, and he is already exposing your son to unvaxxed people on airplanes and playgrounds.

If I was immunocompromised and my spouse took our child to visit unvaxxed and unmasked relatives against my wishes, I’d seriously consider divorce.

If my spouse was immunocompromised and he took my kid to play at a park around a bunch of random strangers of unknown vax status, I'd seriously consider divorce. I wouldn't want to be a (relatively) young widow1

If he did that and also tried to prevent me from bringing my kid around family members, regardless of vax status, I'd definitely divorce. I don't need a hypocritical control freak trying to tell me what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

Ok. My DH is not controlling - he thinks my sister is selfish and is not willing to bend. During Christmas she wanted everyone to wear masks and take COVID tests and quarantine before and after. DH refused to go mainly because of this, but there is resentment there on his part that is somewhat warranted.

My sister and BIL were taken care of by our mom for several years. This was really for no particular reason other than my mom has been my sisters rock and support her entire life. She did her laundry, dishes, cleaned her house and watched her kids full time. My mom has multiple chronic illnesses and it’s not supposed to drive, let alone watch small children full time. My mom missed doctors appointments and has had falls in her home and my sister did not step in and help, this duty fell to me and took a lot of my time helping my mom so she could be well enough to help my sister. This went on for several years until I personally put my foot down because it was taking time away from my family.

It’s for this reason DH thinks she’s selfish and is not willing to go to family events or let her see our son because he feels my sister expects everyone to "cater" (his words, not mine) to her needs regarding her vaccination status.

And yes, I do love my sister and she is the baby of the family. She has been supported heavily by my parents over the past few years and has not reciprocated that support when they needed it so that fell to me. I don’t really know how to communicate this to her - because I know she will shut down or throw a fuss or just NOT understand why we refuse to do whatever she wants. I think I will take the advice and just take my son masked to an outdoor park to see her and her kids. DH let’s DS go to the park during non-busy times and uses hand sanitizer and will usually wipe down swings before he goes on them. He doesn’t just throw caution to the wind and let our son run amok around unknown kids.

Ok so vaccine status is just his excuse not to see your family. Got it. Should have said that from the beginning.

If he really cares about being safe he would have seen them at Christmas as it sounds like he is very cautious and should have liked her testing and quarantine plan. plus it sound like you all quarantine all the time anyway.

does you son ever play with other kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

Ok. My DH is not controlling - he thinks my sister is selfish and is not willing to bend. During Christmas she wanted everyone to wear masks and take COVID tests and quarantine before and after. DH refused to go mainly because of this, but there is resentment there on his part that is somewhat warranted.

My sister and BIL were taken care of by our mom for several years. This was really for no particular reason other than my mom has been my sisters rock and support her entire life. She did her laundry, dishes, cleaned her house and watched her kids full time. My mom has multiple chronic illnesses and it’s not supposed to drive, let alone watch small children full time. My mom missed doctors appointments and has had falls in her home and my sister did not step in and help, this duty fell to me and took a lot of my time helping my mom so she could be well enough to help my sister. This went on for several years until I personally put my foot down because it was taking time away from my family.

It’s for this reason DH thinks she’s selfish and is not willing to go to family events or let her see our son because he feels my sister expects everyone to "cater" (his words, not mine) to her needs regarding her vaccination status.

And yes, I do love my sister and she is the baby of the family. She has been supported heavily by my parents over the past few years and has not reciprocated that support when they needed it so that fell to me. I don’t really know how to communicate this to her - because I know she will shut down or throw a fuss or just NOT understand why we refuse to do whatever she wants. I think I will take the advice and just take my son masked to an outdoor park to see her and her kids. DH let’s DS go to the park during non-busy times and uses hand sanitizer and will usually wipe down swings before he goes on them. He doesn’t just throw caution to the wind and let our son run amok around unknown kids.

So your husband is being a POS because his feelings got hurt? He’s being as petty as your sister is. He needs to be the man here and act mature, not use the vaccine as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child can wear a mask on the airplane, he can wear the mask around your sister. Work on this. Offer better rewards. Start with short duration of mask wearing and work your way up to longer periods. Many children had to mask for school - your child can do this (and has!).

OP, your husband may have strong feelings about this, but it’s not solely his decision to make, and there is some middle ground here. You and your son can wear KN95 masks and meet outdoors at a time of low transmission. He may not like your family, but you still get a say here, and he is already exposing your son to unvaxxed people on airplanes and playgrounds.

If I was immunocompromised and my spouse took our child to visit unvaxxed and unmasked relatives against my wishes, I’d seriously consider divorce.

If my spouse was exposing himself to unvaxxed individuals but excluding my unvaxxed relatives, so would I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your sister to grow the f*ck up and get vaccinated.

She and her husband won’t. It’s in their character.

So does this mean that we will just never see them as a family, ever?!

Maybe. I don’t see my unvaccinated family. I would not see my husband’s unvaccinated family either.

Unless you are completely locked down, you are interacting with unvaccinated individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

Ok. My DH is not controlling - he thinks my sister is selfish and is not willing to bend. During Christmas she wanted everyone to wear masks and take COVID tests and quarantine before and after. DH refused to go mainly because of this, but there is resentment there on his part that is somewhat warranted.

My sister and BIL were taken care of by our mom for several years. This was really for no particular reason other than my mom has been my sisters rock and support her entire life. She did her laundry, dishes, cleaned her house and watched her kids full time. My mom has multiple chronic illnesses and it’s not supposed to drive, let alone watch small children full time. My mom missed doctors appointments and has had falls in her home and my sister did not step in and help, this duty fell to me and took a lot of my time helping my mom so she could be well enough to help my sister. This went on for several years until I personally put my foot down because it was taking time away from my family.

It’s for this reason DH thinks she’s selfish and is not willing to go to family events or let her see our son because he feels my sister expects everyone to "cater" (his words, not mine) to her needs regarding her vaccination status.

And yes, I do love my sister and she is the baby of the family. She has been supported heavily by my parents over the past few years and has not reciprocated that support when they needed it so that fell to me. I don’t really know how to communicate this to her - because I know she will shut down or throw a fuss or just NOT understand why we refuse to do whatever she wants. I think I will take the advice and just take my son masked to an outdoor park to see her and her kids. DH let’s DS go to the park during non-busy times and uses hand sanitizer and will usually wipe down swings before he goes on them. He doesn’t just throw caution to the wind and let our son run amok around unknown kids.

Wait, what? Your sister was trying to be as covid cautious as possible (stopping short of getting vaccinated) and he is RESENTFUL of that? And you feel it's "warranted?" Sounds like the two of you (you and your husband) deserve each other. God help your poor little boy.

[Anonymous]

Why was he mad that she wanted to do masking and testing?!

[Anonymous]

So everyone who said your husband was an ass from jump nailed it. His actions and words don't match when it comes to his ideas of "safety". Sorry you married a man child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who said your husband was an ass from jump nailed it. His actions and words don't match when it comes to his ideas of "safety". Sorry you married a man child.

I gotta agree. He was pretending like she needs to vaxx up just as “revenge” for her being cautious herself a few months ago. Very lame.

[Anonymous]

It's a jerk power move to try to involve your son in it. He's well within his rights to stay home, but the gloves would be on in my house if he tried to involve children. Tell us again how he's not a controlling person?

[Anonymous]

Aside from everything else you said about your sister's and DH's relationship (which quite frankly doesn't matter for medical decisions) I think he is right. Your sister is a selfish idiot. Why should he risk his and your son's health?

I say this as someone who also has a sister who refuses to get vaccinated. She and her husband just got covid. They have a 2.5 year old who tested negative. HOWEVER, she is still breastfeeding her child. It might not matter since they sleep together but damn!