Husband refuses to allow our child to see unvaccinated family

[Anonymous]

You tell your sister that your husband is high risk for infection so you have made a decision as a family to limit his and your son’s exposure to people who are not vaccinated as much as possible until the pandemic is over. Why do it have to be any more complicated than that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^apparently that’s fine with your sister and BIL. This is on them, not your husband.

+1

I’m on your husband’s side. He’s trying to protect his health and that of your son. Your sister and BIL seem unwilling to make any concessions to protect others. I’m pretty cautious, and might have avoided the plane, but my understanding is that masks were required on airplanes. As for the playground, while I would have preferred kids to be masked, my understanding is that COVID is much less transferable outdoors. While neither situation is ideal, both seem preferable to exposing him to people who he knows are not vaccinated, will not mask (and if your sister is anything like my aunts were, will want to give your son a great, big hug).

[Anonymous]

Totally team DH. Your sister chose to not get vaccinated. Now your DH chooses to not see her because of it. That’s just how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell your sister that your husband is high risk for infection so you have made a decision as a family to limit his and your son’s exposure to people who are not vaccinated as much as possible until the pandemic is over. Why do it have to be any more complicated than that?

This. He's under no obligation to risk his, or your child's, health for these ignoramuses.

[Anonymous]

Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

A lot of people here are excusing it but let’s be real: there are plenty of safe ways to see unvaccinated family members such as outdoors. He’s using this as a convenient excuse for his own motives and doing so at the expense of your relationship with your sister. That’s selfish and unfair to you.

So, your husband is being a jerk and putting you in an unfair position. Act accordingly. If it were me I’d say the kid can’t be kept from his family and I’d be arranging outdoor meetups including the kid, and he can come or not come. But you can handle however you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

A lot of people here are excusing it but let’s be real: there are plenty of safe ways to see unvaccinated family members such as outdoors. He’s using this as a convenient excuse for his own motives and doing so at the expense of your relationship with your sister. That’s selfish and unfair to you.

So, your husband is being a jerk and putting you in an unfair position. Act accordingly. If it were me I’d say the kid can’t be kept from his family and I’d be arranging outdoor meetups including the kid, and he can come or not come. But you can handle however you want.

Read the thread you’re responding too, multiple people have suggested an outdoor meet up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

A lot of people here are excusing it but let’s be real: there are plenty of safe ways to see unvaccinated family members such as outdoors. He’s using this as a convenient excuse for his own motives and doing so at the expense of your relationship with your sister. That’s selfish and unfair to you.

So, your husband is being a jerk and putting you in an unfair position. Act accordingly. If it were me I’d say the kid can’t be kept from his family and I’d be arranging outdoor meetups including the kid, and he can come or not come. But you can handle however you want.

Absolutely not true. What part of OP is vax'd, child is not, do you not grasp? And OP will mask, child will not? If OP's is fully vax'd and boosted, and tests, there are low odds of transmission to her family members. Direct contact when one is immunocompromised and one is unvax'd is an entirely different matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband doesn't like your family. You're in a tough spot if your husband will take your kid around strangers that are unvax but not family. Will he allow the kid around them at a park or outside? If not it's personal.

I don't let my kid see family members I know are doing immoral things, even though I am sure they have flown on airplanes and played on the playground with people who have done immoral things. I don't see how that's inconsistent at all.

Why would this be different? OP's sister has decided that she doesn't care about risking family members' lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

-1 the difference is that OP is vaccinated and their son is not. Whether that's a correct risk assessment by DH can be debated. OPs sister and BIL have made a choice and that's fine. The fact that she won't even compromise to wear a mask around her nephew and immunocompromised BIL tells me that she is also trying to prove a point with Op's DH. I would support my DH on this and tell your sister that her choices have consequences. She needs to own her choice and you need to make and own a choice that you and DH are both comfortable with when it comes to DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband saying you can go, but not your son, means it is not about his health. He’s just being spiteful. Period. It’s up to you how you want to deal with his ugliness.

-1 the difference is that OP is vaccinated and their son is not. Whether that's a correct risk assessment by DH can be debated. OPs sister and BIL have made a choice and that's fine. The fact that she won't even compromise to wear a mask around her nephew and immunocompromised BIL tells me that she is also trying to prove a point with Op's DH. I would support my DH on this and tell your sister that her choices have consequences. She needs to own her choice and you need to make and own a choice that you and DH are both comfortable with when it comes to DS.

I think the difference is that OP is an adult.

I tell my kids all the time that they shouldn't do things that I wouldn't tell my husband he can't do. I might not like my husband doing those things, but I'm not in the habit of bossing my husband around.

[Anonymous]

Your prioritize your husbands health over your dumbass relatives and agree to keep your kid away from them. They won’t even wear a mask around an unvaccinated child? Screw them.

Your priority is your husband, not your sibling and in law who won’t be vaccinated.

You tell them the truth. That your husband doesn’t want your child around them because they an anti mask and anti vax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You tell your sister that your husband is high risk for infection so you have made a decision as a family to limit his and your son’s exposure to people who are not vaccinated as much as possible until the pandemic is over. Why do it have to be any more complicated than that?

Because it's not true. The Dh is still taking the son to be around unvaxxed people, and is just using the vaccination status as an excuse to "punish" OP's sister.

OP, honestly this is a situation where you have to choose; your husband or your sister. In most cases I would say to choose your spouse, but in this case your husband is being irrational, vindictive and controlling. If he is willing to be like this in this situation, how far will he take this in the future? Are you willing to let him control everything about you and your child according his irrational whims?

[Anonymous]

Choose your selfish sister who won’t wear a mask or be vaccinated even though she’s around someone who is immunocompromised. Or choose your husband who can’t help he has a chronic disease.

[Anonymous]

I'm fully on your husband's side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Choose your selfish sister who won’t wear a mask or be vaccinated even though she’s around someone who is immunocompromised. Or choose your husband who can’t help he has a chronic disease.

Someone who is immunocompromised should not be hanging out at a playground around dozens of unvaxxed strangers.