Husband refuses to allow our child to see unvaccinated family

[Anonymous]

Most of these anti-vaxers have been spewing stupid political garbage since long before Covid. It’s not just their vaccination status.

[Anonymous]

I agree with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fwiw my husband and I were just talking about not going to Easter dinner with his family because some of them aren't vaccinated. Not OP, but this situation isn't that crazy. We love them, and we will see them at some point, but not eager to eat indoors with unvaxxed people.

Why? The vaxx protects them. Not others. It doesn’t prevent transmission. This is confirmed from the cdc.

I can see if this were a year ago, but to still say stuff like this makes no sense and you aren’t following the science.

If you’re going to any public place to eat, you’re surrounded by unvaccinated people.

Again, when you are not vaccinated you are subject to getting larger doses of covid in your system and are thus more capable of spreading larger doses of it to the people around you. Your immune system isn't as capable of fighting the disease because you don't have antibodies that are prepped for it, so you get more of it (that's why unvaccinated people get sicker) and you can also breathe or sneeze it out in larger doses to those around you.

It's less of a big deal when you are outside because so much air moves around and disperses outside. But inside, eating and sitting next to other people, you are stuck with the air they are breathing out around you. No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fwiw my husband and I were just talking about not going to Easter dinner with his family because some of them aren't vaccinated. Not OP, but this situation isn't that crazy. We love them, and we will see them at some point, but not eager to eat indoors with unvaxxed people.

Why? The vaxx protects them. Not others. It doesn’t prevent transmission. This is confirmed from the cdc.

I can see if this were a year ago, but to still say stuff like this makes no sense and you aren’t following the science.

If you’re going to any public place to eat, you’re surrounded by unvaccinated people.

Again, when you are not vaccinated you are subject to getting larger doses of covid in your system and are thus more capable of spreading larger doses of it to the people around you. Your immune system isn't as capable of fighting the disease because you don't have antibodies that are prepped for it, so you get more of it (that's why unvaccinated people get sicker) and you can also breathe or sneeze it out in larger doses to those around you.

It's less of a big deal when you are outside because so much air moves around and disperses outside. But inside, eating and sitting next to other people, you are stuck with the air they are breathing out around you. No thank you.

Literally none of this is true.

[Anonymous]

At a time when the vaccinated and unvaccinated can transmit the infection, and case numbers decreasing, it looks like it's much more about DH's resentment towards your family than safety.


What happens if you all get COVID anyway, would he let you see them then?
I am sure you can work out a compromise with your sister and him where you meet outside, maybe wear masks. I'm sure if you talk through it with your sister, she might be willing to wear a mask once, for you.

At the same time, even if she doesn't, your husband prohibiting your children from seeing your family, when you'd be ok with it, is wrong and not OK in my opinion, any more than it would be right for you to do the reverse, except for the gravest reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband refuses to let our son (3) see my unvaccinated sister, BIL and nieces. He describes my sister and BIL as selfish and dislikes them because they refused to get vaccinated for personal choice during the pandemic.

My husband takes methotrexate for rheumatoid arthritis and has been doing so for the past 10+ years. As a result he’s at higher risk of developing an infection and our son is too young to be vaccinated. My husband works from home and we outsource most things - groceries, etc.

But he refuses to see my family or let them see our son during family events. Our son will not maintain a mask and my sister refuses to wear one as well. My husband is perfectly fine with me going alone but has made it clear he will not be attending any family events with our son for an indefinite period of time.

I support him but WTF am I supposed to tell my sister?! Let me also add that my husband will take our son to the park to play around other kids and has taken him on an airplane once during the pandemic as well.

So your sister has.the self discipline of a 3 year old child. What more do you need to know?

[Anonymous]

Your family has to find middle ground here. Your husband has to allow you to take your son to meet them outdoors. If your sister wants to meet her nephew, she has to wear a mask and come to the park. Let both know that their stubbornness is negatively effecting you and your son and if they care for you and him then they have to help you find a rational solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:fwiw my husband and I were just talking about not going to Easter dinner with his family because some of them aren't vaccinated. Not OP, but this situation isn't that crazy. We love them, and we will see them at some point, but not eager to eat indoors with unvaxxed people.

Why? The vaxx protects them. Not others. It doesn’t prevent transmission. This is confirmed from the cdc.

I can see if this were a year ago, but to still say stuff like this makes no sense and you aren’t following the science.

If you’re going to any public place to eat, you’re surrounded by unvaccinated people.

Again, when you are not vaccinated you are subject to getting larger doses of covid in your system and are thus more capable of spreading larger doses of it to the people around you. Your immune system isn't as capable of fighting the disease because you don't have antibodies that are prepped for it, so you get more of it (that's why unvaccinated people get sicker) and you can also breathe or sneeze it out in larger doses to those around you.

It's less of a big deal when you are outside because so much air moves around and disperses outside. But inside, eating and sitting next to other people, you are stuck with the air they are breathing out around you. No thank you.

Actually at this point, everyone is at equal risk. Look at the last surge. Most people in this area have two shots. So, arguing to vaccinate is silly at this point.

[Anonymous]

If you were immunocompromised and husband’s sister refused to get vaccinated and wear mask then you too may interpret it as she doesn’t care about her brother becoming a widower or her nephew becoming an orphan. It would be difficult for you to respect her right to see that child, more so if you already had reasons to dislike her.

[Anonymous]

Now you know you have a virtue signaling husband. Is he checking fax status of everyone at the park? Did he ask everyone on the plane if they've had unvaxxed contact in the recent week? No. This isn't logical, this is punishing you, your family and your son for your sister's choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:team DH here

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your young child at home, all day, everyday? No preschool? No daycare? He doesn't do any playdates (indoors or outdoors) with other children? Unless you, your DH, and your child do not leave the house, you are being exposed to unvaccinated people.

I do hope your little one is having playtime with his other unvaccinated little friends. You simply cannot know the vaccine status of their parents.

Did you even read the OP?

All she mentioned was going to the park on occasion. I hope this isn’t the kids only interaction with the outside work for the last 2 years

OP here -

My son doesn’t have a bunch of friends - I don’t have any mom friends my with kids my age.

We go to MOPs x2/month and my chapter requires vaccine cards. We sometimes do drop in gymnastics and did have soccer. All required masks (which my son sort of wore) and vaccine cards too. He will be starting preschool in September.

Im not sure PP what your expectation is regarding socialization for young children during the last two years of the pandemic - there was very few opportunities and most activités we registered for were cancelled or on hold for several months.

Please don’t try and tell me there’s worse outcomes for children who don’t socialize versus catching COVID.. My son was very sick in September with a COVID-like illness and it was awful. I have zero desire to repeat that.

New poster. Not going to read so many pages. Hit this from OP and I"m done.

OP, you YOURSELF say your son was very sick and you don't want a repeat. Despite myths about how "Covid isn't bad for kids," well, tell that to the families of kids who have indeed gotten very sick from Covid. You can look it up.

So please listen to your own post and do not put your child in a situation where exposure is possibly, even probably, going to happen. Namely, seeing your relatives and their kids. This. Is. Not. Hard.

Your concern was "what do I tell my sister?" Tell her that you do not want your child to get Covid, and that even if your child gets it and the case is mild or asymptomatic, your child could give it to your husband who is medically more susceptible to a very bad outcome. Read that again. You are putting your sister, whom you yourself described earlier as "dense" (!!) AHEAD OF YOUR OWN HUSBAND's HEALTH and possibly his life.

Why are you choosing your dense sibling ahead of your husband's health? Have you read about "long Covid," OP? Or about how the latest variant can break through vaccines and still sicken some people, including vulnerable people like your husband?

Plus, again -- you yourself mention that you are less concerned about all the "kids must be socialized" stuff than about the idea of your child being sick. You are right on that score so why are you failing to follow your own good instinct on that part of this problem? Tell anyone who makes the "socialization" argument that you put health and life, for both your child and your medically susceptible husband, ahead of panicky talk about socializing kids during a pandemic. Find vaxxed families and have outdoor playdates with their kids if you must. Right now toddler vaccines are very close to reality too. But most of all, show you care about your husband. Sure, he doesn't like your family but you don't seem in love with them either. Zoom, FaceTime, be upbeat but do not talk about pandemic or visits. If sister can't deal? Too bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:team DH here

+1

Everyone would be - if he were being consistent about decreasing exposures. Which he isn’t. That’s the issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your family has to find middle ground here. Your husband has to allow you to take your son to meet them outdoors. If your sister wants to meet her nephew, she has to wear a mask and come to the park. Let both know that their stubbornness is negatively effecting you and your son and if they care for you and him then they have to help you find a rational solution.

Here’s what I do not understand.

There’s no "have to" is any kind of IL relationship. SIL is not entitled to any kind of visitation with OP’s kids, I don’t know why DCUM argues for contact with IL’s as if there’s some kind of custodial arrangement. It’s not, it’s all by choice and her DH is under no obligation for their son to see the unvaccinated family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your family has to find middle ground here. Your husband has to allow you to take your son to meet them outdoors. If your sister wants to meet her nephew, she has to wear a mask and come to the park. Let both know that their stubbornness is negatively effecting you and your son and if they care for you and him then they have to help you find a rational solution.

Here’s what I do not understand.

There’s no "have to" is any kind of IL relationship. SIL is not entitled to any kind of visitation with OP’s kids, I don’t know why DCUM argues for contact with IL’s as if there’s some kind of custodial arrangement. It’s not, it’s all by choice and her DH is under no obligation for their son to see the unvaccinated family.

It’s because DH isn’t the only parent, and Mom has just as much as say as Dad does, especially when Dad is exposing himself and child to unvaxxed individuals elsewhere.